Monthly Archives: December 2010

THE WORLD IN 2011

1. Tea Party remains silent as the national debt rises under the Republican party. So, what’s new?

2. Barack Obama joins the Republican Party in order to demonstrate an end to partisanship.

3. Jobless numbers rise and Fox News blames it on “Liberals.”

4. Congressional Republicans announce 8th investigation into the birth certificate of President Obama. They insist on a picture of his birth in a hospital in Hawaii.

5. Suicide rate rises along with joblessness.

6. Glenn Beck draws a diagram which leads to his ass in order to confirm who he is.

7. Drones in Afghanistan kill ten thousand “militants” in one day.

8. General Petraeus announces he sees light at the end of the tunnel. He was speaking from Manhattan.

9. American Idol winner turns out to be a transvestite which launches a new version of American Idol–”Guess Who I Am?”

10. Joe Biden resigns as Vice President and joins the Steel Workers Union to get back to who he really is.

11. Sarah Palin denounces President Osama bin Laden. “Well,” she says, “they look and sound alike in their names”

12. Mitt Romney says: ‘I was for state health insurance before I cam out against it.”

13. In a spirit of compromise and ending partisanship, President Obama agrees with Republican “Protect The Wealthy Act” which ends taxes for those earning over $250,000 a year.

14. Rudy Giuliani throws his bank account book into the ring for president announcing, “I once again will save America from terrorism.”

15. New TV series, “CSI In Zimbabwe” which features a cast of witch doctors.

16. Brett Favre says he will return to football with the Oakland Raiders.

17. McDonald’s launches a new 3:00 a.m. menu for the sleepless.

18. New American Idol series–contestants display their penis or breasts–or both.

19. Michelle Obama takes a holiday on the Riveria and wears sneakers to show her concern for the homeless.

20. Fox News hires a female with dark hair.

21. Unemployed man sets self on fire outside White House, Republicans denounce this liberal attempt to insult America.

22. Rush Limbaugh farts on air finally saying something that is intelligent.

23. Tea Party leader commits suicide after reading about the Constitution and discovering Founding Fathers were secret Socialists who wanted a strong central government.

24. Secretary of Education Arne Duncan announces new education reform, all two year olds will take a test and if they fail will be forbidden to walk or talk.

25. Congress passes “10th Deployment Act” which requires ten deployments in Afghanistan if a soldier wants GI benefits.

HEADLINES FROM THE WORLD PRESS

Each day we offer as sample of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Ireland, Independent: “Accountant Naked With Mistress On Couch”
This is one accountant who is going after the bare facts.

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Xmas Scrooges”
I believe the word, “scrooge” is spelled –R E P U B L I C A N.

Canada, Toronto Star: “Grinch From Iceland”
He can’t be any worse than the gingrich from Georgia.

UK, Guardian: “Archbishop: Rich Must Shoulder Load”
Them damn Socialists have now taken over the Vatican!

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Who Do They Think They Are?”
If you mean Congress– they work for lobbyists, that’s who they are!

South Africa, Argus: “Toilet Choice For Women”
Yeah, but what about toilet choices for Transvestites– sit or stand?

USA, NY Daily News: “Snow Shuts Down Theaters”
That’s snow business for you.

Canada, Toronto Star; “Tongue Tied”
Gee, how can we get Sarah Palin to be tongue tied?

Sweden, The Local: “Wheel Chair Thieves Caught”
I guess police followed the tracks.

Churov Rule Rules In Russia!

The Soviet Union ended about twenty years ago and Russians expected the long nightmare of state terrorism had drawn to an end, but, alas, their hopes were dashed when former KGB agent, Vladmir Putin took over as president and preceded to end the first steps taken to democracy in a nation that hungered for basic freedoms. Putin became furious when Mikhail Khodorkovsky, a wealthy businessman, dared to challenge him in the political arena by supporting those who did not agree with Putin. The result of challenging a man who knows he is always right is to be sent right to jail. After seven years in a Siberian prison, Khodorkovsky was once again taken to court for another farce that is known as justice in Russia. Again, he was convicted at what most European observers deemed a trial in which the judge, the prosecutor and most witnesses either lied or were incompetent. Again Knodorkovsky is being sent to jail for seven more years.

As the “trial” concluded. Khodorkovsky said it was merely the working out of the “Churov Rule.” Several years ago, Vladmir Churov who headed an election commission said that Putin was always right, and if he’s not “it means I have misunderstood something.” Yes, you misunderstood the meaning of a free, impartial trial.

“I Am The State,” Says Lukashenko!

Once upon a time in a far, far off land lived a nice kind and gentle King named Alexander Lukashenko. He wanted all people in the kingdom of Belarus to understand that he was a kind, kind, gentle man whose only thoughts were of things that were of concern to the people. In fact, he was so kind and loved by all that Alexander decided to allow the inhabitants of Belarus to come forth and cast their votes in a free and open manner in order to show the world that everyone thought he was kind. Unfortunately, there lived in the kingdom of Belarus some evil people who did not like their kind, kind, King and they decided to cast their votes for other men in the kingdom who did not like the kind, kind, king. What was King Alexander to do about this horrible crime of not liking him?? Since he knew the evil men had nothing but hate in their hearts for a man who had nothing in his heart but love, King Alexander had his loyal troops beat the hell out of those who were no kind. After all, if you are kind and others are not kind, there is nothing to do but teach them they must be kind and kind of vote for King Alexander.

An election was held and the kind, kind, King Alexander had those who ran against him to be beaten and locked in jail and charged with “organizing mass disorder.” After all, if you don’t vote for King Alexander, isn’t that a sign of disorder in your mind?

Hail to King Alexander, the man who understands that democracy means everyone has the right to vote for him!

Cartoons-Main Enemy Of Muslim World?

The Muslim nation of Egypt deprives its citizens including groups such as the Muslim Brotherhood of their rights such as freedom of speech or voting. The Muslim nation of Iran chops off hands, and brutalizes Muslim clerics who oppose the dictatorial actions of the government. The Muslim nation of Saudi Arabia denies freedom of speech, religion and the press. The Muslim nation of Sudan has unleashed killers who murder and rape dark skinned Muslims. Are any of these actions of concern to Muslim men who are consumed with deep feelings toward their religion? Of course not, they understand the most important issue confronting Muslims in the world is publication of CARTOONS! OK, so you don’t like cartoons depicting the Prophet Muhammed. But, do you give a damn about Muslim clerics in Iran who have been beaten and killed for expressing their ideas about the Muslim religion? Apparently, not. The issue is always, CARTOONS!

Police in Denmark uncovered a plot by several young Muslim men to take over offices of the newspaper, Jyllands-Posten which published the famous cartoons. They were all captured before beginning their attempt at revenge. Of course, there are millions of Muslim who are denied rights, but, when all is said and done, let’s never forget the CARTOONS!!

Barack Obama, The Drone Killer President!

Last May at the White House Correspondent dinner, the pop band, Jonas Brothers performed and the president noted his daughters’ Sasha and Malia really liked them. “But, boys, don’t get any ideas, two words for you, predator drones. You will never see it coming.” Perhaps, this is a humorous remark to the president, but he was referring to a CIA program which is rather controversial.. American authorities claim only a small number of civilians are killed by these silent weapons of death. Of course, a drone thousands of miles in the air can spot a militant in a house and destroy the house without killing any innocent civilians. If you believe that one, how about buying a bridge in New York City for me? The New America Foundation estimate one in four killed at innocent civilians, the Brooking Institute estimates nine out of ten are innocent people, and Pakistan authorities argue that between January, 2006 and April, 2009 of the 701 killed in drone attacks, 14 were members of al-Qaeda.

Faisal Shahzad, the ill fated Times Square bomber when asked how he could kill innocent people, responded by noting that hundreds of innocent civilians in Pakistan had been killed by drone attacks. He claimed drone “don’t see children, they kill women and children, they kill everybody.” OK, so Mr. Shahzad is not the most reliable person to comment on terrorism, but we Americans forget that drones are also the weapon of terrorism– our state ordered terrorism.

Mr. President, you are a decent man, but such comments are beneath your dignity as a leader of this nation

Sarah Pains Republicans

Sarah Palin wanders the nation receiving gobs of cheers from her fans and some even faint with enthusiasm when catching a glimpse of the woman who sells books and decries the current administration. But, when asked the key question as to anyone who has any sense of sanity would vote for Palin as president of the United States of America, glimmer of intelligence shines from Republican voters. The latest poll reveals that 51% of Republican voters would not desire her presence in the White House as compared to a poll taken shortly after the 2008 election when 67% had favorable views of the woman who has made the word, “ignorance” part of her persona. On the other hand, 5675 had a favorable view of former governor Mike Huckabee and 59% liked Mitt Romney. Heck, even 54% preferred Newt Gingrich to the loud mouth from Alaska. Here is a sample of how Republicans cast their vote:
Alaska: 58% against her and 33% for her.
Florida, 57% against and 36% for her.
Massachusetts– 68% against her and 27% for her.

We assume the reader gets the message. Sarah might sell books but she sure can’t sell the American people on the idea of her presence in the White House.

“Terrorist” Is In Eye Of Beholder

Abduallah Sunata is accused by the government of Indonesia of being a terrorist who planned to kill westerners in his country. Prosecutor Asep Aminudin told the media: “The accused attempted or assisted in carrying out terrorist acts, with the use of violence to stir up an atmosphere of terror and widespread fear.” After his initial release from jail, “the accused was active in preaching about jihad and the obligation of people to carry out jihad.” There is evidence Mr. Sunata met with terrorist leader Dulmatin, the man responsible for the Bali bombings in 2002 that resulted in dozens of people dying when a nightclub was blown up. Police charge Sunata with planning attacks on the Danish embassy in Jakarta in order to demonstrate revenge for the infamous cartoons that appeared in a Danish newspaper.

Sunata has denied the accusations. According to him, “the term terrorist is neutral, can be positive or negative…. I’ll leave it to Allah to decide the outcome.” A major problem in dealing with the topic of “terrorism” is the word has different meanings depending on who uses it. One man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter.

Goodbye Gbagbo-Just Go!

Laurent Gbagbo has led the nation of Ivory Coast for ten years which in his view meant if he led for ten years, why not another ten years of his benevolent rule? Unfortunately, he had to hold an election and lost. Well, in Gabagbo’s view losing an election simply meant kill the opposition leader who defeated him and that would result in maintaining power. However, the Economic Community of West African States decided enough was enough. It was time for African nations to stand up for democracy and end the continental attitude that once elected meant one remained in power for life. Laurent sent his “security forces” around town killing and torturing people, but the United Nations dispatched forces to restore order. Hopefully, Mr. Gbagbo will realize it was time to bag up his stuff and hit the road and go.

African leaders must assume responsibility for peace and democracy in order to avoid thugs like Gbagbo or Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe to raise the cry of “colonialism” in order to play to the mob of anger and hate. African must monitor democracy, by itself!

Iran, The Texas Of Asia

I have never been able to understand why American conservatives do not like the government of Iran. For a group which seeks an eye for an eye and death is their solution to any crime, one would think Conservatives would regard the current Iranian government as the embodiment of what should be done to criminals. George Bush as governor of Texas presided over the execution of numerous men and refused to show any signs of clemency. Our former president would so enjoy heading the Iranian government which believes death or amputation should be imposed on those who transgress the law. A man known only as “Hamid” will soon lose and eye and have an ear cut off because he threw acid at a man named, “Davoud” which resulted in the loss of an eye and ear. Hamid claimed he had been bullied in high school and his family had to leave town in order to halt the constant attacks on their son. Hamid told authorities, he “couldn’t get over it”(the bullying) and bought acid. He waited for students to exit the high school, followed a boy named Davoud and threw the acid at him. Unfortunately, he threw the acid at the wrong person.

Iran handles criminals in a manner that should win praise from American conservatives. A thief had his hand cut off, a man who threw acid was blinded, and over 200 people have been executed the past year for crimes. Isn’t it about time we called Iran, “the Texas of Asia?”