Monthly Archives: May 2011

I Awoke In Republican Heaven!

Last night in my troubled sleep I dreamed on awakening I was in a Republican Heaven led by a Republican God.

God is a white male with a white beard.

God only speaks in English, American English, that is.

Only those with birth certificates are allowed to enter.

Each person as he/she enters is given a rifle and handgun –for protection.

There are Gated communities and rich folk go to the right.

There is a statue of Rudy Giuliani who saved Heaven from terrorists.

Liberals and Democrats use the side entrance.

Garbage collection is handled by illegal immigrants in Heaven.

Concealed guns culminate in a daily shoot out at high noon. Loser goes to Hell.

Only Tea is served to honor the gallant Tea Party which saved America from Socialism.

Abortionists are aborted to Hell.

Fox News is the only available TV station.

There is a monthly keep the poor and shiftless out of Heaven rally.

There are NO TAXES. Of course, there is no money.

Wall Street operates a Hedge Fund against being sent to Hell.

The run down area is reserved for Democrats and liberals. Socialists head straight to Hell.

Sara Palin speeches are played daily.

Each sentence must include the expression, Under God, or you head down below.

GENDERCIDE!

Throughout human history the practice of infanticide has been common in virtually all societies. Historically, this meant killing female babies or male babies that appeared weak. A popular assumption was boys would grow up to take over the family farm and thus be in a position to help his elderly parents while girls would be married off and thus of no assistance to members of her family. China and India are currently witnessing a Gendercide of revolutionary proportions due to modern medical technology. It is possible to get an ultra sound which reveals the baby’s sex and thousands of people in China and India are using the information in order to abort female babies. It is estimated during the past few decades in India about 12 million female foetusus were systematically aborted. Latest statistics from India reveal there are 7.1 million fewer females under the age of seven than males. If the first child in an Indian family is a girl, figures reveal 836 girls to 1000 boys will be born in the next pregnancy.

In olden days, the baby was simply left on a hill to die. Today, the baby is not allowed to be born, simply aborted.

Gates: Smaller Is Better!

Secretary of Defense Robert Gates made clear it was time for the Pentagon to become serious concerning American military expenditures. The head of China’s armed forces admitted his nation’s military was not capable of competing with the United States armed forces, but we still have aircraft carrier fleets and thousands of planes to fight against non-existent enemies. NO airforce in the world can seriously compete with our fighter planes or bombers, let alone our thousands of helicopters, but we continue developing new and more expensive fighter planes. Russia today is NOT the Soviet Union. As Gates put it: “we’re not going to see a return to Cold War level defense budgets. The money and political support simply aren’t there.”

But, more important is the need to recast the American military into a 21st century fighting force that is mobile, and able to confront guerrilla warfare style of fighting. Gates identified the issue: “people need to make conscious choices about what the implications are for the security of our country.”

Hypocrisy Of Benjamin Netanyahu!

Bibi Netanyahu went before the American Congress in an effort to once again prove his ideas concerning “peace” with Palestinians was fair and revealed a willingness to seek a compromise. Hogwash! Republican congressmen, whose main goal is seeking to persuade American Jews that President Obama hates Israel and favors Palestinians. were besides themselves with joy and applauded at of their own ignorance. Bibi emphasized that Palestinians were the cause of any conflict in reaching peace. “How can one negotiate with a party that has shown itself unwilling to recognize your right to exist?” He expressed his willingness to accept Palestine. “I will accept a Palestinian state.” All he wanted in return is for President Abbas, who heads the Palestinian Authority, to say, “I will accept a Jewish state.” Sounds fair, doesn’t it?

This is a key point of the conflict. The state of Israel was founded by men like Ben-Gurion as a homeland for the Jewish people. It was NOT founded as a “Jewish state.” At least 20% of the people in the state of Israel are NOT Jews, they are Muslims and Christians. It would be insulting for them to be citizens in a “Jewish state.” Naturally, Netanyahu went on to emphasize that East Jerusalem which is mainly Muslim would not be part of a Palestinian state. Prior Israel leaders accepted that east Jerusalem would be under Palestinian control.

Benjamin Netanyahu is the greatest disaster for the people of Israel. He represents the antithesis as to how a Jew should conduct himself in this world. He is a cynic, he only is concerned about votes, he dislikes Muslims, and he should be removed as leader of Israel.

Christ’s Sermon On Mount Wall Street

If Christ was a Republican, this would be the Sermon he preached on Wall Street to his beloved followers.

Blessed are the wealthy for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.

Blessed are those who shoot abortionists.

Blessed are those who create the homeless for they bring new bodies into Heaven.

Blessed are the hedge fund captains of Christ’s Army of Wealth.

Blessed are the warmakers who bring new bodies into the halls of heaven.

Blessed is Glenn Beck who alone knows the straight line leading to heaven.

Blessed is Rudy Giuliani who single handedly saved Heaven from the Muslim terrorists.

Blessed are those who give turkeys to the poor on my birthday.l

Blessed is Sarah Palin who is the only one to see Heaven from her kitchen window.

Blessed are the elderly who die in order to reduce Medicare deficits.

Blessed is Michele Bachmann who is living proof that ALL are welcome in heaven even those without a brain

Blessed are those with birth certificates from the USA who alone can enter the Gates of Heaven.

Blessed is Herman Cain, the brother of Abel, who is not only dark skinned but has a white greedy heart.

Blessed is a political party with leaders named Mitch, Mitt, Mike, and Newt!

Blessed is Paul Ryan whose arrival in Heaven will finally allow us to balance the books.

REPUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOUND-IT’S JOE!

i confess to being a card-carrying liberal socialist commie, but my heart still remains in America. I want the Republican Party to field a candidate for president in 2012 that can offer America two choices for leader. We have found that man, examine his credentials.

Name: Joe Forrest

Born: July 4, 1070

Birth Certificate: Yes. It is signed by Michael Brown and he supplied his birth certificate.

Place: Jackson, Mississippi

American Heritage; Great, great, great, great Grandfather was Bedford Forrest, general in Confederate army and founder of KKK.

Education. Graduated from high school, two years in community college.

Major: Business

Occupation: Hedge Fund expert

Married: Yes.

Married to Woman: Yes.

Wife: Jill Stuart, great, great, great, great granddaughter of Jeb Stuart, Confederate general.

Marriage Certificate: Yes. Notarized by Bank Of America employee.

Children: Yes, native born. Two boys and two girls.

Hair Colors: All blond.

Drug Use: Only over-the counter.

Favorite Films: Patton and Gone With The Wind

Favorite Song: God Bless America

Income: $5,000,000 per year.

Health Insurance: Pays doctor for each visit.

Favorite Foods: Hamburgers and Hot Dogs.

Religion: Christian. Sunday is Favorite Day of Week.

Extra Marital Affairs: Only with friends.

African Americans: Some of their best friends are colored folk, not that they want their kids to marry one.

Asians: They eat Chinese once a week. They once took a picture for some Jap visitors in Jackson.

Abortion: Against it.

Deficit: They oppose it.

Medicare: They support private health care model of it.

Raising Taxes on Wealthy: Hell no, that’s OUR money!

America: They say the Pledge of Allegiance each morning before eating.

Gays: They work with one and smile at him every day.

Rumors: They deny emphatically the story about a “menage-a-trois” with Newt Gingrich.

Foreign Policy Ideas: He believes there must be a foreign policy.

Libya: Joe needs a moment to check where it is, he assumes it is near New York City, after all, that is a foreign city.

Poverty: He believes poverty is bad for one’s health.

Education Policy: Teachers are lazy and over-paid, we have to return to the old days when kids learned reading, riting and rithmetic.

GREAT NEWS -FIVE TO GO!

Harold Camping, who predicted the end of the world would occur last weekend, is happy to inform we Earthians that God was joshing with us a few days ago when He pulled an Invisible Act in order to get us warmed up for the real event. According to Camping, the REAL RAPTURE when those of us who are selected to ascend to Heaven, will take place on October 21, 2011. Camping did not realize that God is a stand up comic in Heaven and enjoys playing practical jokes on those here on Earth. Harold admitted, “I am not a genius, I can apologize.” Of course, he can not prevent that on October 21 “the whole world will be destroyed.”

Perhaps, the good news is that Republicans finally have a presidential candidate. Harold Camping has a plan to end our deficits, of course, it does mean we will be off in another part of the universe, but Fox News, Sarah Mitt, Mike, Mitch, and Newt can be happy there will be no need to run under the Paul Ryan banner of ending Medicare. If Republicans accept Harold as their man of the hour, he will guarantee there will never be another deficit under his administration and the good guys and gals will get to Heaven.

P.S. At least Harold Camping would be the first Republican candidate who admits, “I made a mistake.”

HAROLD CAMPING FOR PRESIDENT!

Do You Trust Pakistan With A-Bombs?

Over the weekend, a band of Taliban militants attacked a major naval base in Pakistan, gained control of parts of the base for several hours, and were finally defeated. According to Naval authorities and the government, there were about six involved in the militant operation and they wound up destroying two planes and killing about ten people. Today, the Karachi police offered an estimate of about 10-12 militants in the operation. I am somewhat confused. How could six or ten or fifteen militants enter a naval base, engage thousands of naval personnel in combat, hold out for several hours and finally be defeated. Six guys did this! There is something weird about this entire operation, particularly the reporting of it. I would assume fifty commandoes could take out the militants in a few hours.

The real question that arises from this fiasco is can the world trust Pakistan to safeguard its 100 atomic bombs. Pakistan continues receiving money from the US, but instead of employing these resources against the Taliban or al-Qaeda, the money is spent building more atomic bombs for the non-existent war against India.

Something is not kosher about this story.

Tim Joins Michele, Sarah, Mitt And Newt

Tim Pawlenty, former governor of Minnesota, has added the name of Tim to the list of those seeking the nomination of the Republican party. “I’m tim Pawlenty, and I’m running for president of the United States. We need to cut spending, we need to cut it big time. The hard truth is that there are no longer any sacred programs.” An interesting statement about Republican orthodoxy since it is doubtful if Donald Duck ran for the Republican nomination he would say anything other than the Pawlenty credo. However, we beg to differ with the governor on his comment there are no “sacred programs.” Oh, yes there are. Tim and Sarah and Michele and Mitt and Newt are committed to the sacred program of never raising taxes on the wealthy. Tim promises to cut and cut. But, will he cut back on tax breaks to the wealthy? Will he cut back on their tax loopholes? We doubt there is any such commitment to cutting back on anything that has to do with the wealthy of this land.

We welcome Tim to the gallery of Mitt and Newt although we regret he has come too late to be part of the Mitch and Mike crowd.

Fire Next Time In Palestine

President Obama presented two speeches in which he affirmed it was the policy of the United States to support the idea of two nations -Israel and Palestine. His AIPAC audience listened politely, nodded their heads, offered a perfunctory applause and none had their minds changed by reality. Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu reacted with the fury of a child whose toys have been taken, and responded with anger at being betrayed by the man from Kenya, or wherever. Bibi insists the 1967 border is “indefensible” and allows major Jewish centers to be part of the new nation of Palestine. President Obama promised any agreement had to be made by joint agreement which is akin to requiring passage of a law in the Senate by at least 60 votes. Bibi Netanyahu is now urging American supporters to once again raise the birth certificate issue or the one about Barack being a Muslim or anything that will halt US pressure for peace.

Frankly, it is doubtful if the Obama speech resulted in anything other than another speech about the Middle East. He talked about an “Arab Spring” of hope or something. Frankly, no one at this point knows the far long implications of Arabs overthrowing their rulers. Who knows if spring is simply a prelude to the winter of discontent? Who knows if the fury of youth demanding freedom was simply much ado about nothing? No on knows, not even the Shadow!

Barack Obama has to focus on Israel and Palestine. A peace treaty based on solutions to existing problems, at least, offers a road map to other angry Arabs. It is doubtful if Palestinian peace will impact the lives of Saudi Arabian women who want basic freedom in their lives, but it certainly offers hope. The Fire Next Time from Palestinian youth might be more violent than anything Israelis expect.