Monthly Archives: December 2011

2012 PREDICTIONS

We offer the first annual Impudent Observer predictions for the new year.

1. The Chicago Cubs will NOT win the World Series.

2. Newt Gingrich will be caught in another love triangle.

3.  Mitt will gain the Republican nomination for president and in October will announce that he is now in favor of abortion, and government job programs because polls show most Americans want those things.

4. Michele Bachmann will be barred from calling God anymore.

5. Sarah Palin will kill a bear–with a gun, that is.

6. December, 2012 Wall Street Xmas bonus payments will not exceed $200 billion. Wall Street folk will have to endure another year of poverty.

7. Jobs will boom for those willing to work for $8 an hour.

8. America will fall even further behind nations in life expectancy.

9. Green Bay Packers will win the Super Bowl.

10. Dominique Strauss-Kahn will be caught taking a shower with young Boy Scouts.

11. Tea Party stalwarts will be forced to drink castor oil after being defeated for their jobs in Congress.

12. Rick Perry will forget where the governor’s office is located but will be found by some good hearted unemployed folk.

13. Ron Paul will announce that henceforth he will not make use of anything built by “government.” He will walk to work to avoid using government built roads.

14. Rick Santorum will announce God told him to become a gay Muslim.

15. On June 23, 2012 not a single American will watch any TV show. The end of the world!

Iran Blinks?

Republican candidates for the presidency have spent the past several months blasting President Obama for coddling the Iranian government and promised if they became president they would…… ? Secretary of State Hillary Clinton has led the campaign of isolating Iran from the world economic community by imposing sanctions. Latest sanctions punish banks which provide any form of financial aid not only to Iran but to any company which trades with Iran. The impact of this has been devastating to the Iranian government’s ability to purchase goods or sell its oil.

Saees Jlili,  a spokesperson for the Iranian government announced that his government is ready to talk-and negotiate. “We formally declare an intent to return  to the full path of dialogue for cooperation.” Their economy is hurt and Iran must cooperate or face even worse consequences to its ability for function in the modern world. I await Newt Gingrich, the great authority on foreign affairs, to explain how the Obama administration efforts have proved successful.

Santa Claus Enters Republican Primary!

Mr.  Kris Kringle registered in the state of Minnesota as a Republican and immediately threw his snow ball into the Republican race to secure the nomination for president. Kris was accompanied by his wife, Kate Kringle who  told the media although Michele Bachmann may have 24 foster children, she has 45 elf children and all are gainfully working so Newt Gingrich can not accuse them of being lazy young people. Unofficial reports indicate a Short People PAC has been formed to place ads in the media urging short folk to vote for Santa.

Santa made clear that he was a 1000% American boy, born in the cold state of Maine and now residing in an igloo in Minnesota. He promised, if elected, to create over 5,000,000 jobs since there is tremendous need for toys to sell to children and adults. Kris also wanted conservatives to know he will conserve all existing holidays and will celebrate Christmas in the White House. However, he also assured Muslims, Jews, atheists and all other religions that distribution of toys will continue for children of all backgrounds.

Santa promised to end pollution by ending use of cars and replacing them with sleds. He also made clear that he opposes abortion of deer or bear babies although it is OK to shoot their parents. Kris ensured one and all that Jesus has a place in his heart and he will continue to honor the Christ child as the son of God.

As far as foreign policy goes, Santa made clear he had traveled throughout the world, unlike other Republican candidates and knew every language on this planet. So, if you finally want an intelligent person in the White House, vote for the man who will make certain the White House is white covered.

Putin Promises Peace In Syria

Last week when thousands of people jammed the streets of Moscow to protest the authoritarian government of Prime Minister Vladmir Putin, the leader of his nation informed the world the so-called demonstrations were really movie actors hired by the CIA to bring discredit to his regime. The Russian Foreign Ministry issued a statement that praised efforts of the noble and great leader of Syria, President Bashar al-Assad to end violence in his nation that was caused by CIA and Mossad agents. “Moscow appraises with satisfaction  the real beginning of Arab League activities in Syria. The situation is reassuring; clashes have not been recorded.”

Dissident leaders estimate about 130 people have been killed in Syria since Arab League observers first step down in their nation. Yesterday, 4 people were killed in the city of Talkalakh. Of course, those killed were not murdered by Syrian forces since we all know they were whisked away by Mossad and CIA agents in order to blame the Syrian government for there supposed deaths.

Ah, the fantasy  land of Putin. Never allow reality to intrude!

World Mourns Supreme Leader

The government of North Korea wants to make certain the world understands that its leader does not expect to make any changes in policy because some believe his goals are not what is desired in the rest of the world. Kim Jong-un presented a stony face at the casket of his dad, Kimg Jong il because a great leader never reveals any emotion. His government issued a statement warning “foolish politicians around the world not to expect any changes” in their nation. It is perfectly understandable why North Korea will not make changes, after all:

1. It already leads the world in people starving to death.

2. It leads the world in lacking any semblance of an economy.

3. It leads the world in a declining average height of people, those in the north are three inches shorter than those in the South.

4. It leads the world in secrecy.

So, why make changes and fall behind?

Iran Threats-Much Ado About Nothing!

The Iranian government is upset at sanctions being imposed due to their nuclear weapon program and decided to threaten nations of the world. Habibollah Sayyari, head of the Iranian navy, issued a warning that if sanctions were imposed his nation would take armed action. “Closing the Strait of Hormuz for Iranian armed forces is really easy… or as Iranians say, it will be easier than drinking a glass of water.” All too often, as former dictator Muammar Gaddafi learned, making boasts to satisfy one’s ego is relatively easy, like drinking a glass of water. Of course, when one confronts the Fifth Fleet with its 22 naval vessels,  one might not even down a gulp of that glass of water.

Iranian leaders are playing to the crowd. The problem of a dictatorship is that leaders slip into a world of fantasy. It is relatively easy to beat up a crowd of unarmed people, almost as easy as drinking a glass of water. But, facing a well armed modern navy with powerful fire power is not  as easy as drinking a glass of water. It is more akin to trying to down fifteen bottles of vodka at one sitting.

Iran had better remember Gaddafi.

St. Paul To Rescue?

Latest polls reveal that Congressman Ron Paul has a slight lead in the Iowa primary. Last week the hero of Republicans was Newt and the week before it was Mitt and the month before it was Rick P. Then again, it might turn out that Rick S. becomes next week’s hero of the moment. Ron Paul is against drug laws, against abortion laws, against the Federal Reserve System, against the income tax, and he wants something termed “free enterprise” to reign once again in America.

Unfortunately, Ron has never read an American history book because he believes our Founding  Fathers were against the Federal Government assuming a role in our economy. Alexander Hamilton, noted Communist, organized the Bank of the US in the 1790s which assumed state debts in order to establish a system of paying off Revolutionary War debts and giving America a solid credit rating in the world. Of course, noted Socialist President Jefferson, built the National Highway, states built canals, roads, bridges, and train tracks. Of course, the Federal Government under noted Socialist presidents like Adams and Madison supported tariffs. A tariff is a tax on goods coming from abroad which are cheaper than American made goods. In other words, consumers are taxed in order to help business succeed.

Ah,  Ron, you simply need to read an American history book for Dummies.

HEADLINES FROM THE WORLD PRESS

Each day we offer a sample of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Feared Eaten By Cannibals”

Heck, our business leaders eat up our checks each week by giving us less.

Sweden, Local:  ”Lost Teddy Bear Sent Home”

At least he has a home, tell that to people losing their homes.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post:  ”Who Do Danes Trust?”

I can tell you they certainly do not trust their bankers.

Turkey, Hurriyet:  ”Insult Turk PM-Go To Jail”

Gee, if we sent to jail those who insult our president, there would be more outside than inside jails.

China, China Daily:  ”Marriages Need Love”

Can I quote you on this one?

Indonesia, Jakarta Post:  ”Malaysian Boogeyman In Jakarta”

Boo!

Netherlands, Dutch News:  ”Xmas Trees Cost More”

I guess people will get scrooged.

Religion Leads To Death

Europe  had its hundred years of religious death and destruction before all agreed for a time out. Of course, the time out lasted until World War II when Germany decided to renew death and destruction of those whose religion was not the majority of people in a nation. The Middle  East daily is witnessing religion play a role in murder of the innocent. The Shiite government of Iraq has charged Sunni political leaders with being traitors while the Shiite President Bashar al-Assad has charged Sunnis with being behind the rebellion which has now lasted nearly a year.

Last week, 16 bomb blasts rocked Baghdad. Prime Minister Maliki  blamed it on Sunni militants. Vice Prime Minister Tariq al Hashemi, currently in Kurdistan to prevent his arrest by Maliki, told the media, “those who are behind all these explosions and incidents (were) part  of the government security forces.” Heck, Hitler used the same tactic to gain power, created a false fire scare in parliament and blamed it on communists.

The unanswered question is: are Assad and Maliki attempting to create bomb incidents in order go provide evidence they can attack Sunnis?

ALL HAIL THE SUPREME LEADER!

I guess people of the world can sleep peacefully tonight knowing the Supreme Leader of North Korea has assumed the mantle of being a Supreme Leader, not only of his nation, but of the entire world. As Kim Jong-il was laid to rest thousands gathered in Kim -il Sung Square to honor Kim Jong-un taking over the nation. I realize it might become somewhat confusing to those not living in North Korea, but the nation requires that any leader must have a name that begins with “Kim.” It is reported by reliable sources that this week students in all schools of North Korea will take a test in which they must get the Kim right or face the prospect of taking a  trip to a  farm where they can spend the day picking something.

I am so happy that Kim Jong-un has inherited dad’s “ideology, character and revolutionary spirit.” I wonder if he would enter the Republican quest for president so Americans can finally have someone in control who has the right ideology, the right character, and the right revolutionary spirit. Frankly, it sounds to me as though Newt Gingrich fits this description. Just remember, if it doesn’t fit him this week, he would be glad to change it for next week!