Author Archives: Fred Stopsky

Conversation With Ben Carson Alter Ego

I decided to engage in a conversation with the Alter Ego of Ben Carson.

M: So, what’s it like being the Alter Ego of Ben Carson?

AE: Fred, how the hell can I be an alter ego of a guy who just ain’t got much ego in the first place?

M: So, you have some problems?

AE: Problems! For God’s sake the other night he wouldn’t even go out on the stage but hung back watching everyone else walk right past him! This is not only quiet man, but a man in search of who the hell he is.

M: I sort of feel sorry for little Bennie Carson.

AE: Sorry for  him? How about showing some sorrow for me! Damn it,  He just mumbles and stumbles through life and all we hear is about  God and how he is a great surgeon. Hell man, this guy doesn’t even know where the hell Mexico is!

M: So, what’s the future of the real Ben Carson?

AE: For me, I would so love to go back to cutting up bodies. At least when he is cutting bodies the man has some ego!

Conversation With Chris Christie

We decided to discuss the Chris Christie campaign with the candidate himself.

M: So, Governor, what really is your view about Marco Rubio?

C: We in the great state of New Jersey know a punk when we see one. That twerp could not last a single day if he was in a New Jersey town with some tough guys hanging around the corner. He has the backbone of a chocolate eclair!

M: Those are tough words from one tough guy. What’s your take on this Cruz guy?

C: A Bible thumping bag of bull shit if you ask me. Every other statement from this punk is about asking God for His blessing. I guess the next thing he will claim is to be the Pope. Oh, I forgot, he switched from being a Catholic to being  God fearing two gun son of a bitch from Texas!

M: I must ask, what is your take on the Donald man?

C: Just one day, just one day, I would like to see him pull that bull shit when in a room with the Mafia crowd.  Just one look from a Mafia Don and Donald would run from the room while pissing in his pants and never turn back. He is full of hot air and he  thinks bullying Jeb Bush is what he could do with a real Mafia soldier. Just try it, Donald, just try it. We will pick up your body in the nearest river that night!

M: I’m curious, what is your take on Bernie Sanders?

C: Oh, you mean the Jew fella. A nice Jewish man who should spend his time in the park playing chess with the other white haired old guys. Frankly, I have no idea what he really wants, and I doubt that he does.

Conversation With Rubio’s Alter Ego

There is considerable evidence if the debates reveal anything about the candidates that Marco Rubio has a set list of thoughts and words to express. We thought it might be beneficial to discuss him with his alter ego-the other Marco, you know, the reverse Rubio.

M: So, tell me Alter Marco, how would you describe your political thoughts on what must be done in this nation?

AE:  This election is about the Hillary Clinton emails, it is about the great tragedy  in Benghazi, it is about how Hillary Clinton is simply a female version of Barack Obama and they seek to destroy the very fabric of our society.

M:  That sounds very similar to what the real Marco Rubio says at each debate. Are you telling me that his alter ego has the same script?

AE: This election if about Hillary Clinton emails, it is about the tragedy of Benghazi,  it is about the buddy of Barack Obama, and it is about their plan to destroy the very basis of our society.

M: Gee, what you just said is what you just said a few moments ago.

AE: If you check both statements you will find different words used. How can it be a  script if I change some words?

M: So, I gather that you really don’t like any Democrat?

AE: This election is about Hillary emails and the debacle at Benghazi when she allowed over three Americans to die.  Emails and Benghazi are what is most troubling Americans and Marco Rubio will not allow liberals to silence his voice of reason!

Conversation With Heidi Cruz

We decided to discuss the candidacy with the wife of Ted Cruz. After all, if anyone knows the real Ted Cruz it must be Heidi Cruz. She has been with him for several years while the media really only has had major contact with the two gun tough talking sheriff form Texas.

Me: So, tell me Mrs. Cruz, not a single US Senator has given support to your husband, could you explain why?

Heidi: Ted is a family man. He loves me, he loves the children, he loves his family,  he loves his supporters, he loves those who run oil companies, Ted is simply a loving man who also talks honestly.”

M: Well, he sort of pulled one on Ben Carson the night of the Iowa primary,what happened?

H: It was all the fault of CNN for sending incorrect information. My husband believes in the strict interpretation of the Constitution. He also believes in a stick interpretation of what CNN reports. Blame it on that liberal organization which has been telling lies to ruin my husband’s career.

M: But, why the failure to get a single Republican US Senator to support him in this election?

H: Jealousy is the answer. Ted is brighter than the whole pack of these idiots. They are jealous of him, they are jealous of me. How many of them is married to a gorgeous intelligent woman who earns a high salary!

M: I’m curious, is your husband ever wrong?

H: Of course not. He has the blessing of God Almighty, if he is wrong, then you are saying Jesus is wrong!

M: Please make certain that your husband does not get angry at me, I certainly don’t want the Lord throwing thunder bolts in my direction.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Each day in America some political leader shouts, his message is the shout.

Ben Carson always looks so forlorn on the stage as he is ignored by all.

John Kasich offers some interesting thoughts, but he continues to shout them.

I gather Carly Fiorina is upset at being left off the stage. Now, why would she be left off?

Jeb is throwing a few punches. The question is have they hit somebody?

I so miss the ironic comments of Rand Paul.

Has anyone thought of contacting Mitt Romney?

Donald Is The Man

Tomorrow America will know if Donald Trump is still the Man. He has defied “experts” for over six months who repeatedly insisted that his campaign of shouting and demanding and insisting would soon be met with fatigue on the part of Americans, but here it is February 8, 2016 and the Donald man is still Number One in the hearts of Republicans. Why?

1. His opponents are either recycled politicians such as Mike Huckabee or the stumbling and bumbling Jeb Bush.

2. Americans are angry and filled with confusion so  many seek the voice of someone who, at least, claims to know what is wrong and how it can be fixed.

3. Donald is a master in claiming to know how to fix anything. OH, he has a GREAT PLAN. And, the gullible and frightened American public buys into this bombast.

4. So, he definitely is THE MAN.

5. Ironically his main opponent at this moment is a white haired man who claims to know how to fix all problems–Bernie Sanders.

We live in the age of shouting and screaming. Definitely, the way to solve our problems. Then again, has ANY politician really identified the “problems” and how to solve them??

Care For Some Fresh Water?

There are rumors being spread around America that somehow the government of Michigan is responsible for tainted water in the city of Flint. There are rumors that some children drank this water and got sick. Now, who is responsible for this situation? The answer is quite clear–Barack Obama! Let me prove this.

1. Prior to  the election of Barack Obama the water in Flint was OK.

2. NO one told the people of Flint to be so stupid as to drink colored water. Why did they drink this water?

3. The Environmental Protection Agency is run by the Obama government. It was their job to protect our water!

4.Michigan Governor Snyder has been drinking Michigan water for years and has never gotten sick. So, why should anyone in Michigan get sick from drinking water?

5. Go to any food store and purchase good drinking water if you are upset at the nice flavored water that comes out of your faucet.

6. This is a plot to destroy job creators by raising taxes. Heck, if you don’t like the water in your kitchen, just go to a nice river and drink some of its water.

Enough of t his unfair attack of Governor Snyder who is a great job creator!

P.S. Have the people of Flint considered praying to our Lord for rain and good clean water?

Voter’s Guide To A Republican Debate

The Debate season is still going on even though the winds of March are just around the corner. In order to assist readers, we are offering a short guide to any Republican debate. Why worry what is coming next when we can guarantee exactly what candidates will say.

1. We love Hispanics but want them to remain in Mexico.

2. We hate the wealthy but we can not raise their taxes since that would lead to a depression.

3. We will abolish Obamacare and guarantee those without health care complete health care without any government involvement. Tune in sometime in late November about the specific details.

4. We will end student debt. Each and every student who has loans is guaranteed they will repay those loans with the help of rich folks. Each student will contract with a wealthy person who will repay their loan in exchange for 10% of their salary from now on.

5. The days of ISIS are over after we carpet bomb them into oblivion!

6. We love women, in fact we all have moms and sisters and wives to prove it.

7. Send Hillary Clinton to prison and restore America’s honor.

8. Oh, we love Israel and we love Jews. Some of our best friends are Jews.

Chris Christie Is Mad!

Chris Christie is a heavy set man, he is rather hefty and knows how to throw his weight around. It is best that when Chris gets upset, that any normal person make certain they are nowhere in his vicinity. The other night at the Republican debate, Chris sort of got sore at Marco Rubio. He accused Marco of having the same set message regardless of the time day or night. It sort of goes something like this:

“My parents are immigrants from Cuba who came to this great nation and worked themselves up. I love America. I love Iowa. I love the Republican party and I sure love  the dough that comes with running for president. The real enemy of America is NOT ISIS. The real enemy of America is Hillary Clinton. She is the  one responsible for Benghazi! The infamy of Benghazi is the worst disaster in American history and when I become president, the first person headed to jail is Hillary Clinton! OK, Pearl Harbor caused a few more deaths, but the deaths at Benghazi were ordered by Hillary Clinton. Elect me and send Hillary Clinton to prison!!”

NOBDY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I think that Ben Carson believes ISIS is a skin rash.

With God  at his side, Ted Cruz is heading for the final battle of life.

Looks like John Kasich has taken votes from Jeb Bush in New Hampshire.

We need an early primary in a large state like New York or Illinois or California.

Some follow NBA box scores but in Chicago people follow crime death scores.

The real Republican question is what does Donald Trump do if Marco Rubio gets the nomination., Go quietly into night?

Strange quiet from Vladimir Putin but lots of noise from Russian bombs in Syria.

Am I the only one in America who does not know who or care what the Kardashians are?

Super Bowl is a super time to bash in heads and bodies.

Since 9/11 only 45 Americans died from terrorist attacks in the US, each month in Chicago, 50 die from violence. So, who REALLY is the threat?

Political promises of the spring turn into old dreams after the election.

I think God is on an extended vacation from visiting planet Earth.