Category Archives: Fred Thompson

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Prison Guards Get Lounge Chairs”

To relax after beating the hell out of prisoners, I assume.

Norway, Norway Post: “Helicopter Pilot Gives Girl Lift To Beach”

How about a lift to the waves for the helicopter?

Sweden, Local: “Swedish Teachers Feel Not Valued”

By students or parents is the question?

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Boy Wins Battle For Log House”

Congratulations, Daniel Boone.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “God Goes To A Festival”

Leave it to we humans to use this as one more excuse for murder.

USA, aol: “Surely Common Sense”

If you cut taxes and less money comes to the government, your deficit rises.

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Man Kills Wife In Broad Daylight”

That’s what happens when a woman goes out without a hijab?

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

Each day we offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Norway, Norway Post:  Beware Household Cat”

I give this warning two meows.

USA, NY Post:  ”He’s A Basket Case”

That is no way to talk about Clint Eastwood.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald:  ”Banned For Gay Cure”

He must be one sad dude.

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald:  ”Bit Fat Zero”

Romney’s speech results?

Turkey, Hurriyet:  ”Aims For Sky”

And, if his name is Paul Ryan, he strikes out.

France, Connexion:  ”Students Learn Ethics”

That assumes their teachers are ethical people.

Finland, Sanomat:  ”What Can Be Done?

In most cases, duck!

 

First Prostitute?

Bettina Wulff is the wife of former German president Christian Wulff. He married her in his fifties but she was only 36 and quite a good looking woman. Naturally, anytime a beautiful young woman marries an old fart, rumor mills will begin twirling into operation. Within months stories appeared that she once worked as an “escort” or was engaged in you-know-what.

Her husband had to resign due to charges of misuse of money which only accelerated stories about his wife. After all, he is old, she is young and gorgeous, add one plus one and the only conclusion is that he needed money to keep her being married to him.

I have no idea as to whether she was or is or never was. But, it becomes tiresome having such stories and rumors spread because an older man marries a younger beautiful woman. This is written by an 82 year old man who never ceases gazing fondly at  gorgeous women.  And, I don’t have to spend a penny!

By the way how come no one writes stories about the prostitutes in Congress who daily sell their souls?

The Exceptional America No Longer NO. 1!

Once upon a time in America we sent s;pace ships hurtling through the skies to land on other planets in the sky. Once upon a time in America we built giant bridges and tunnels and highways and fast railroads, but that was then and today we have Tea Party leaders who shout to the world, “America is an exceptional nation, there is none like us, we are Number 1 in the world.” A few years ago Republican Governor Christie of New Jersey vetoed building a new tunnel under the Hudson River. Yes, he also shouted, “America is Number 1, we are an Exceptional nation!”

China just launched a space ship with a female and two males in it. Most probably in the years to come China will send humans to other planets. But, damn it, we lack money for such ventures, after all, our wealthy folk need more money.

I finally figured out what Republicans mean when they denounce LIBERALS  for failing to believe in American “EXCEPTIONALISM.”

1. We are Number ONE in obesity.

2.  We are Number ONE in a health care system that does not protect those lacking money.

3.We  are Number ONE in not building high speed trains or new tunnels and bridges.

4. We are Number ONE in having one third of students not complete high school.

Yes, we ARE AN EXCEPTIONAL NATION!

Making Monkeys New GOP Goal?

A  national primate center at Oregon University has successfully genetically modified monkeys by fusing cells of up to six embryos. There have been previous efforts to create “knock-off  mice” which enables scientist to work with life forms lacking certain genes. This enables new ventures into discovering how to cure diseases.

We suggest that scientists proceed to even further new ventures such as modifying genes of several Republican leaders in order to create a Republican who understands life in the 21st century. We suggest the genes of Theodore Roosevelt, Wendell Wilkie, Thomas Dewey, Dwight Eisenhower and even the tough minded and ruthless  Richard Nixon. For a slight touch of rhetoric there might be the genes of Ronald Reagan.

Think of how such a candidate would make Barack Obama come across as a monkey!!

Perfect Republican Candidate

Our Republican friends are struggling to identify someone who could be their nominee for president of the United States of America. In the spirit of fair play and sorrow for the plight of our dear Republican friends(not that I’d marry one of them), we present requirements for the Perfect Republican Candidate:

1.  Must be born in the USA and has proof of birth.

2.  Must have been a member of the Boy or Girl Scouts and lacks charges against them of sexually molesting any child.

3.  Must know the location of England and China, and, of course, Israel since we need votes.

4.  Must know who Paul Revere warned, the age when one votes, the names of at least three Cabinet Departments, and be aware, at least, that America withdrew its Ambassador and Embassy officials from Iran in 1980

5. Must never ever say any derogatory comment about anyone who earned over $1 million last year.

6. Understands those without jobs in this country are simply lazy.

7.  Must have been married to the same person at least ten years. After that, some margin exists for having a divorce.

8.  Must believe in Jesus Christ as Our Savior even if Jewish.

9. Must be able to recite the 1st Commandment of the Republican Party with eyes closed: “We Will Never Vote For  A Tax Increase.”

10. Must never ever claim to have read two history books –in one year.

11. Must possess at least two  million dollars. Inherited money is OK.

12. Must oppose any form of abortion.

13. Must not only oppose gun control but hunt at least once per month.

14. On penalty of death, must never ever say a kind word about Barack Obama.

15.  Must promise if elected to go to the border with Mexico and wave as illegal immigrants are sent back home.

16. Must have a lot of hair on head.

17.  Must promise if elected to read the Sunday comics to children right after they get home from church.

18.  Must provide proof from at least 100 years that no member of the family ever voted for a Democrat.

19. Must promise to have Muslim children in schools sit in the front of the classroom so they can always be observed.

20. Must promise to support torture of any Muslim caught doing anything.

VOTE FOR ME!!

After listening to the collection of rather interesting men and women who seek the  Republican nomination for president I am left with the only option of throwing my name into the ring.  Let me  list qualifications that would attract the American people.

 

1.  I know the location of Afghanistan and Iraq on a map of the world.

2.  I put one shoe on at a time.

3.  I am a job creator. I wish to take money from the wealthy and redistribute the money to unemployed people and have them rebuild our infrastructure. That would certainly create jobs.

4.  I am dead set against taxes unless they are on the wealthy so put me down as an anti-tax man.

5.  I believe in God. Of course, the  God I believe in is in the next universe.

6. I am against abortion unless the baby is a Republican, then it is a crap shoot as to whether the child lives.

7. I support the Israel which seeks compromise and peace with Arab people.

8. I  believe terrorists should be sent directly to jail without worrying about a trial and let’s begin with the terrorists on Fox News!

9. When saluting the flag I place my hand over my butt in order to show respect for the assholes in Congress.

10. I stand opposed to immigrants entering our fair land. We must begin to return immigrants to their homeland. Of course, we have a minor problem in rounding up 300,000,000 and sending them back home. But, fair is fair, if one immigrant is sent home so should all immigrants!

Republicans Want God On Our Side!

If anyone ever doubted that Barack Obama was a stealth Muslim  in our midst, we now have proof that this supposed man of Christianity was never one. Fox News is furious. President Obama sent a Thanksgiving message WITHOUT MENTIONING  GOD! Oh My God, can you imagine speaking at  Thanksgiving and not mentioning our beloved Lord way up on high. I think God is now taking marijuana in order to get the high that he failed to get from that closet Muslim!

We are a Christian nation, well, most are, but then again we have atheists and Jews and Muslims and a lot of others with stranger religions so how come on Thanksgiving the president failed to find time to give thanks to God. Examine the reasons why we should thank God:

1.  We have a collection of outstanding minds running for the Republican nomination for president. In fact, one of them actually knows the location of Afghanistan!

2.  We humans have never witnessed a single year in the history of our race which lacked war, death, famine and hatred. Oh God, thank you so much for making us in your image!

3. And, we have Fox News which will catch a president if he fails to mention God. Of course,  George Bush failed to mention the Lord in his last Thanksgiving message, but he probably had gone back to booze.

 

IF REPUBLICANS ALWAYS RAN AMERICA

Have you ever wondered how the story of  America would have unfolded if the current group of Republicans had always run this  country?

1.  We never would have crossed the Mississippi River.

2.  We never would have had free state universities.

3.  Slavery would reign in the South and parts of the West due to State Rights!

4.  The top 1% of wealthy would not own 35% of our wealth but 90%.

5.  Lincoln would have spent his life as a lawyer in Illinois.

6.  German Nazism would dominate Europe.

7.  Theodore Roosevelt in frustration would have become a  Socialist!

8.  There would not be hundreds of bridges and dams and school building built.

9.  Backdoor abortionists would be making lots of money.

10.  We would gaze at the moon and wonder if humans ever would touch down on it.

Another Religious Murderer

Just about each week we read another story concerning some believer in religion-Christian, Muslim, Jewish or whoever decides to prove his belief by killing someone.  God forbid we should restrict access to guns because to do so would upset the Big Guy up there who keeps a loaded rifle in case the Devil shows up. Jeremiah Foggle walked into the Great Faith Christian Church and shot two pastors after killing a woman who cared for him.

I do not believe strict gun control will ensure there are no murders in churches, but when society allows people to bring their gun to church, it makes a statement concerning the nature of our society. He was an ill human who apparently never found any solace in church. The least we can do for such individuals is restricting access to weapons of destruction.