The Debate season is still going on even though the winds of March are just around the corner. In order to assist readers, we are offering a short guide to any Republican debate. Why worry what is coming next when we can guarantee exactly what candidates will say.
1. We love Hispanics but want them to remain in Mexico.
2. We hate the wealthy but we can not raise their taxes since that would lead to a depression.
3. We will abolish Obamacare and guarantee those without health care complete health care without any government involvement. Tune in sometime in late November about the specific details.
4. We will end student debt. Each and every student who has loans is guaranteed they will repay those loans with the help of rich folks. Each student will contract with a wealthy person who will repay their loan in exchange for 10% of their salary from now on.
5. The days of ISIS are over after we carpet bomb them into oblivion!
6. We love women, in fact we all have moms and sisters and wives to prove it.
7. Send Hillary Clinton to prison and restore America’s honor.
8. Oh, we love Israel and we love Jews. Some of our best friends are Jews.