Category Archives: 2008 Elections

Virgin Cops Report For Duty!

I am among the world’s greatest fans of police stories. My evenings are spent watching Law And Order with its crew of strong women who subdue criminals and display their ardor for the job. Of course, being a cop means they also have some lover, either a fellow policeman or a lawyer of someone who is tough and strong. So, much to my surprise to learn that in Indonesia, if you want to become a cop then you have to be a virgin. Oh, let me make clear this does NOT apply to males, just females. The Police Chief Health Inspector insists that women must undergo a virginity test if they desire to capture the bad guys. “All women who want to become a policewomen should keep their virginity.” I assume there is a correlation between being a virgin and catching bad guys. For some strange reason this has nothing to do with males on the force.

One woman described the entrance exam in order to become a cop. “They inserted two fingers with a gel.. it really hurt. My friend fainted.” Now, would you want anyone on the police force who fainted because someone inserted two fingers into their vagina? I am unclear what is the equivalent insertion for males.

Santa Baby, Check The Present!

These are the best of times, these are the worst of times, these are the days of madness, these are the days of weirdness. Reading stories from around the world one is never surprised to learn of a new approach to what some Americans regard as “humor.” Two Americans in Thailand went to some strange place, they insist to having no idea where they went since an unknown source directed them to the store. All these Americans wanted was to uncover an interesting Xmas present for their friends back home in Nevada. So, what does one send to a good friend for the holiday season– BODY PARTS! Their friends received the head of a baby, a foot and some other pieces of good cheer. !

It was a joke, according to these two young men. Now, a good joke would have been to send your own head to Nevada. Perhaps it could play at casinos!

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

China, China Daily: “Should Schools Have Dress Codes?”

Absolutely, children can not come to school naked!

France, Connexion: “Maniac Gendarme”

He roams the streets arresting gendarmes?

Australia, Canberra Times: “Senate Defector”

Hey man, if you had to listen of Ted Cruz ramble on about immigrants, why not head for Mexico?

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Tiger On Loose near Paris Disneyland”

OK, he lacks francs to enter, just let the tiger in, who would know the difference?

Russia, Moscow Times: “New War On Terrorism”

Just capture Putin and end terrorism in Russia!

Check Mate Female Bishop!

I was raised in the good old days when female Jews sat behind curtains and women who went to church knew it was their duty to get on their knees and pray to God. This was before all these new ideas about female equality and the belief that God is some sort of female thing up in the sky. Whatever happened to the time when we men spoke and women listened to our wonderful words of wisdom? Imagine Father Flaherty being Mrs. Flaherty! Ah, for the days of old when a man was a man and a woman was a woman. Well, those days are no longer true in the Church of England. About twenty years ago they allowed women to become a priest so it was simply a matter of time before they wanted a promotion.

The Church of England announced that from now on women can become Bishops. The Archbishop of Canterbury, John Welby, who runs the joint made clear to one and all that females will have a voice in running the entire operation. First, they were pawns, then they became bishops, what next??

Malcolm Vs Martin In Ferguson

There is a 22 year old African American in the city of Ferguson, Missouri who apparently is an expert on the fight for human rights in American history. According to Rocket Ali, “rioting and violence are the tools of those without a voice. Rioting and looting, while I didn’t participate in, was necessary. There is no revolution without violence.” I ams so glad this young man attends events such as Martin Luther King’s birthday and listens to the words of this famous leader. Actually, the words of Malcolm X are closer to what the Rocket man wants to foster in Ferguson, Missouri. Yes, let us have some rioting and looting of business establishments of African Americans so that people will have no place in Ferguson in which to purchase food and other necessities.

Mr. Ali should be compelled to sit in a corner and Read the words of Martin Luther King. In the end, rioting and looting destroy black neighborhoods.

Obama Shows Some Balls!

It is now clear that Barack Obama has interpreted the recent election as proof that most Americans favor his policies and they deliberately voted for Republicans in order to stir up the blood of Barack. First, he signed an historic environment deal with China, he is edging closer to an historic deal over nuclear weapons with Iran, and he may veto any bill that allows oil to flow from Canada. Of course, he has also made clear that he will protect Hispanic immigrants by allowing about five million to have temporary status in the US. So, what happened to the dude who fucked up health care, who was confused about handling Ebola and could not even protect the White House from lunatics? Let me explain:

1. Since Obama was born and bred in Africa he contacted a witch doctor who has granted him super natural powers.

2. The witch doctor has now placed a curse on Republicans, you will shortly see them collapse in hysteria.

3. Watch for the appearance in Iraq of a new super hero named, BO!

If I was Mitch McConnell or John Boehner, I would check anything I drink very carefully. And, above all do not gaze into the eyes of Obama!

Recept Erdogan Comments On History

President Recep Erodgan and his Justice and Development Party assumed power in Turkey over a decade ago. He was successful in preventing the Turkish generals from using their power to destroy democracy in Turkey. and he did usher in years of economic development. In the process he gradually destroyed the democratic society that once was part of Turkish society. His nation now holds the record for placing in prison more journalists than any other nation in the world. Hew has repeatedly bungled attempts to reach an accord with the Kurdish minority. And, he recently concluded that ISIS is less a threat than Kurds who simply wan to rule themselves, not other people.

He recently informed a meeting of people from Latin America, that based on his research it is now clear that Muslim sailors reached the continent of South America 314 years before the arrival of Columbus. He insists that Columbus saw a mosque on a hill in Cuba. Actually, the interpreter for Columbus was a Jew. Columbus thought there were Jews in China. I await the demand of Erdogan that Muslims have the right tow worship in Cuba. Tell that one to the Castro boys!

Nigerian Troops Actually Kill A Bad Guy!

The armed forces of Nigeria are to fighting anyone with a gun as the Republican party is prepared to fight for the rights of poor people in this nation. Boko Haram forces once again took the town of Chibok from which they had kidnapped over 250 young girls, and in the process not a Nigerian soldier was in sight. Generals in the Nigerian army are engaged in only one fight –who gets the money that ordinarily would be spent on paying soldiers or purchasing modern military equipment. Nigeria is the land of kelptomania in which the military, the government, big business devote their days and nights robbing the people blind. Sorry, the old excuse about “imperialism” can not explain away how native people of Africa have repeatedly failed to create modern economic systems and governments.

Africa is possessed with incredible natural resources but for some reason its ruling elite is only concerned with personal wealth rather than that of the population. For years they have excused their robbery on grounds they were ruled by imperialists from Europe. Those people left a half century ago!

Life In A ISIS State

I hav the greatest respect for people who truly believe in any religion whose goals are the betterment of human life. Why else believe in a religion unless the outcome of this belief is to further the welfare of humans? The folks who call themselves, ISIS, continue to behave as though their aim is to kill and harm anyone who is a Muslim. They behead Muslims, they rape Muslim women, heck they lashed a 14 year old boy whose crime was to take a sip of water during Ramadan. On the other hand, ISIS leaders insist their actions are in accord with the Muslim religion. During the course of my life I have heard Christians insist their behavior is in accord with the teachings of Jesus as they murdered six million men, women and children whose crime was to be Jewish. Germans insisted that is what Jesus wanted. Over in Japan, religious fanatics murdered millions of Chinese, including the rape of thousands of women, God told them.

In Africa, Muslims and Christians vie to see which can murder ordinary folk, in the name of God. ISIS Muslims are no different from any other religion. I doubt if God wants his creations to be murdered.

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

China, China Daily: “Chinese Officials Charged With Graft”

I never knew that taking graft was wrong. After all, they run the entire government.

France, Connexion: “Ferry Hits Wall”

We are able to report the wall is in fine shape and will recover.

UK, Guardian: “More Storms On Way”

You ain’t seen nothing yet until this Republican Congress gets started helping the wealthy!

Australia, Canberra Times: “Sex At 72″

Frankly, not much since it is hard getting you know what, up!

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “91 Year Old Dead Woman Awakens”

Did FDR Win the election??