Category Archives: Rudy Giuliani

Donald Confronts ISIS!

It was just a matter of time before Donald Trump decided to confront ISIS on their home territory. Naturally, Donald came prepared with a gun in his holster and one placed on his knee. So, here is what happened at the famous meeting between Donald two gun Trump and ISIS.

Abu: So glad to have you join this conclave. I trust you know that your words of hate and wisdom send thousands to our flag.

Donald: Wait a second. Wait a damned second. I am ready to  take you guys on one person at a time or the whole pack of you. So, has anyone got a deck of cards. How about a game of 21, or if that is not what you like, how about poker. Double or nothing after each hand.

Abu: Wait a second. You keep on telling Americans how you will wipe us all out in some sort of shoot-out. Did you really mean, cards at twenty paces?

Donald: Look you  guys, all kidding aside, without you  characters blasting away, how the hell can I win this damn election? I need you guys, I really need you terrorists. For God’s sake, I mean the Jesus God, who the fuck would listen oa  word I say without my ISIS buddies?

Abu: Come to think about it Donald, that makes sense. You hate Obama, we hate Obama,you hate Crooked Hillary, we hate the bitch. You want to carpet bomb  us, we want you to carpet bomb us, each carpet bombed gets us a few thousand more recruits.

Donald: OK guys, here if the deal. When I deal, it’s a great Deal. You sort of blow yourselves up during the last weeks of October, maybe get rid of a school with kids, God, that would be a fantastic deal –dead kids and parents upset and me wondering if Obama knew about the bombing. I’ll tell you what, for each bombing a weekend at any Trump hotel with $1,000 thrown in for the girls and some betting. Just make certain the girls are illegal Mexicans so I can blast away at ISIS and crazy Mexicans in the same speech.

Abu: You’re on. Donald,so glad to meet an American who shares our values–anything for a buck!

Vote Your Conscience

There is now a movement among some Republicans to have delegates vote their conscience as to who should be the party’s candidate in the forthcoming election. We decided to ask a few Republicans about how they would vote:

Ted Cruz; It is quite clear, if I vote  from the perceptive of my conscience there is only one person who has the qualification for president: TED CRUZ

Jeb Bush: My conscience tells me to vote for Donald Duck any day over Donald Trump

Ben Carson: I need a moment of prayer. Whoever God tells me to vote for, that person I will vote for.

Carly Fiorina: Since Democrats are running a woman, we need a woman to run for President. Take on guess who is the ONLY qualified woman!

Rand Paul: Cut this out. You know who I won’t vote for if I voted on the basis of my conscience.

Rick Perry: You mean I can still vote for Rick Perry?

Hillary Clinton: Now, that is one soft ball question: The one and only Greatest Gy in the world who can build the Greatest Wall in the world!

Vladimir Putin: Donald Trump without a question. God, I could get that guy to build a Wall between Russia and the rest of Europe–and make the EU pay for it!

Marco Rubio: Sorry, I am without a job, and whoever offers me a job has my vote!

John Kasich: Let me go to the john and reflect on who can build the greatest john  in America!

Paul Ryan: I gave up any connection with my conscience once I became leader of Republicans in the House.

 

Orlando Voice of Reason

I understand the liberal media seeks to portray Republicans as lacking any sense of balance and using Islamic terrorism in Orlando to prove that we Republicans lack a sense of law and order. Well, Assistant District Attorney  Kenneth Lewis in Florida proved that when it comes to being call, cool, and collected, there is no one in the Democratic party who can match the call to responsibility that America seeks in this tragedy.

Lewis condemned those who got killed as simply representing “miscreants and ghetto thugs.” Of course last month he did wish a Happy Mother’s Day to  “the crack hoes out there.” In the view of Lewis, this killing of fifty odd people simply HELPED the city of Orlando by riding of those who represented the filth of society.

Now liberals, have to admit this is a unique take of this shooting. Say what you wish about faults of Republicans, one must admit they view the world through their own lens.

Donald T Meets Ronald R

Since anyone and every  one who seeks the Republican nomination these days insists that HE is the anointed her of Ronald Reagan. We stepped into our time machine and organized such a meeting between the two men.

DT: So, glad to meet the only guy who can claim to be the Greatest Man in the Republican Party. Of course, there really is only one Greatest Guy.

RR: Donald, I do recall meeting you once when I was walking down a line of visitors and shook your hand. What is this stuff about being a Great Man? Heck, you never once even got elected dog cather!

DT: Now, wait a second.I have built the Greatest hotels, I have build the Greatest golf courses, I have built the Greatest Casinos, certainly, that is worth two terms of governor.

RR: Have you ever actually got a law passed? God, I had to play poker and drink with Democrats like Tip O’Neill. I had to become their buddy in order to get laws passed. What the heck do you know about getting street lights replied?

DT: You know, Ron, I didn’t realize that you were part of the Establishment and did things with the Establishment. Let’s face it, Ron, when you left office the national debt had been doubled!

RR: I can not even imagine you negotiating with Russian leader Gorbachev. I turned an enemy into a friend and got things done. Heck, you have made enemies of just about every Republican!

DT: They are just a bunch hot losers.Heck, when I get  a chance to be with a winner like Putin, I’ll get him kissing my ass to avoid the destruction of his country!

RR: Where the heck did they find you? I think the Casino world is waiting for you. I knew the difference between talking tough and making peace.

Republicans On Banning Muslims

If there is one thing that members of the Republican party are famous for is taking a strong stand on controversial issues. Donald Trump promised when he becomes President to ban entry into America of anyone who is of the Muslim religion.

Mitch McConnell: “I am not going to comment on this issue.”

Paul Ryan: So, what’s new about that?

Senator Johnny Isaken: “I hate to comment on something that I didn’t hear.”

Senator Bob Corker: “I continue to be discouraged by the direction of this campaign.”

Jeb Bush: NO comment now, and no comment on anything that Trump says.

Herman Cain: I just love that hucky ducky guy. Whatever he says, I am for it.

Rudy Giuliani: Donald, keep on telling it like it is!

Donald Trump: I won’t quit saying wha is needed to make this country great again! So, Muslims, bye, bye.

Goodbye Judge Persky

These are not the best of days for Judge Aaron Persky who presided at the trial of  a Stanford nice white, middle class swimming star who decided to sexually assault a cod who was drunk, most probably due to something in her drink. In fact, Mr. Turner raped her outside, and was halted by two passing men. Judge Persky did not believe that a fine young man from a fine family who made ONE  mistake should be punished for it for the rest of his life. According to Persky:

The nice young man was drunk.

Just about every male student at Stanford gets drunk

How can a  boy from a small town in Ohio cope with the pressures of life in wild Stanford?

After all, the entire event only lasted twenty minutes so is it fair to punish someone for a twenty minute mistake?

After all, it is still unclear how the female caused this rape.

So, Judge Persky is being taken off this case. How about taking him off all cases–forever!

 

P.S. the young man is a Christian,

White Men Speak On Election

Let’s get one thing clear, it is clear that we white guys will support a white man who runs against that crooked  Hillary Clinton. So, I must point out that I am a white man. My pop was a white man. My grandfather was a white man, and we white men have to stand up for white rights. So, what are my criteria for how I will cast my ballot:

1. I want someone who will make we white guys great again.

2. I want someone who protects my right to an AR-15 assault rifle because when I go hunting those damn deer run too damn fast.

3. Frankly, I never met a Muslim that I could trust. Then again, I have never met a Muslim. I can’t always be perfect.

4. I am sick and tired of my wife voting for someone without my permission. We need a president who makes certain women respect their husbands–and boy friends.

5. Yes, I am gay, yes, I enjoy gay moments in my life, but kissing some guy is NOT one of them!

6. I know Hillary Clinton did something with her emails. Frankly, at age 85, I really don’t know what emails are.

7. The last time I had anything to do with some white haired guy who waved his arms was when I visited the looney bin.

8. I want someone who tells it is like it is. Now, hopefully, someone will tell me what “it is” is.

9.Donald tells me that he will bring back those jobs making sweaters and underwear. Actually, I used to work in a steel plant.

10. I love my wife, I  love my daughters, but when it comes to running America, it is a man’s JOB.

Reince Priebus Gathers Party Together

Republican National Chairman organized a gathering of leading Republicans in order to restore hope and glory to the candidacy of their candidate for president, the one and only Donald Trump.

To kick off the event, he invited Herman Cain, a black skinned guy who ran for president four years ago. So, let Herman express his feelings: “This is a wonderful hucky ducky day and I’m here to support the candidacy of that great hucky ducky man, the one and only DONALD TRUMP!

Ben Carson also made an appearance: “Donald, I must confess it was sort of strange being on a stage where you talked all the time. Since, I am one of those creatures who do not like you, let me express my support for your victory, and I’m certain you will purchase a few thousand of my books.”

Rudy Giuliani: “Donald, I love you. But, let’s get one thing clear. I am the only New Yorker who is allowed to bullshit night and day about what a great man I am, after all, I, all by myself saved New York City on 9/11.”

Rand Paul: “I think Donald is an ignorant bombastic moron, but I do support his candidacy for president. God help America.”

George Bush: “Donald, I visited a mosque the day after 9/11 to ensure Americans did not blame Muslims for that event. OK, you are right, there were thousands and thousands of Muslims cheering the disaster. I guess I just missed their noise.

Paul Ryan: “OK,OK, you can now untie my hands and remove the covering over my mouth. I promise to support the most intelligent person running for president in 2016. Do what you wish with that endorsement.”

Ted Cruz: “God revealed to me last night that he wanted Donald to run this year, lose, and guarantee that I will be the candidate in 2020.”

Marco Rubio: “Before I speak I need a bottle of water. I will be back after I satisfy my thirst. Don’t wait forever for me.”

 

Donald Given Summer Present

I do not have a doubt in the world that each night when little Donald gets on his knees to pray his prayer is always the  hope that some nut case who is of the Muslim religion massacres some people in America. Actually, he has no concern if those who are slaughtered are in the Middle East. When such killings occur, as far as Donald is concerned, ‘good riddance to bad rubbish.” His only hope is that Muslim terrorists are on his side.

We know that Omar Marteen purchased weapons of mass slaughter in a legal manner, after all this is the United States of America where any deranged person can invoke his Second Amendment right to shoot and kill. We know that he is or was a Muslim. According to his father, Omar was also very upset that he saw two men kissing. We now have a great debate that will rage for months to come. Was this a HATE CRIME? Was this a crime committed by a MUSLIM TERRORIST?

Regardless, this is THE event that Donald Trump prayed would occur in order to divert attention from his crude racist statements. Well,thanks to ISIS, he received a summer present.

Gingrich On Words Of Wisdom

Onc upon a time, a long, long time ago, there was a leader of the Republican party in Congress by the name of Newt Gingrich. Now, unlike the current leaders of the  Republican party, this man had high standards as to upholding values and  respect for human dignity. He blasted Bill Clinton for lacking  respect for women. He wanted Bill to display the  same values as he upheld. So, when his wife was in the hospital for cancer treatment, Newt thought it was the perfect time to inform her that he wanted a divorce.  We will not review other such episodes with women.

So, Newt has a new dream. Oh God, he so desires to run for vice president with that red headed man who sometimes speaks with the wrong words. Newt made clear that Donald’s comments about Judge Curiel were “inexcusable.” BUT, Newt added: “He has learned from the  past two days and he has taken very significant steps away from that and moved toward a more controlled manner.” Gee, Newt, hopefully one day Donald will reach your level of high minded behavior!