Category Archives: Don Rumsfeld

Care For Some Fresh Water?

There are rumors being spread around America that somehow the government of Michigan is responsible for tainted water in the city of Flint. There are rumors that some children drank this water and got sick. Now, who is responsible for this situation? The answer is quite clear–Barack Obama! Let me prove this.

1. Prior to  the election of Barack Obama the water in Flint was OK.

2. NO one told the people of Flint to be so stupid as to drink colored water. Why did they drink this water?

3. The Environmental Protection Agency is run by the Obama government. It was their job to protect our water!

4.Michigan Governor Snyder has been drinking Michigan water for years and has never gotten sick. So, why should anyone in Michigan get sick from drinking water?

5. Go to any food store and purchase good drinking water if you are upset at the nice flavored water that comes out of your faucet.

6. This is a plot to destroy job creators by raising taxes. Heck, if you don’t like the water in your kitchen, just go to a nice river and drink some of its water.

Enough of t his unfair attack of Governor Snyder who is a great job creator!

P.S. Have the people of Flint considered praying to our Lord for rain and good clean water?

Voter’s Guide To A Republican Debate

The Debate season is still going on even though the winds of March are just around the corner. In order to assist readers, we are offering a short guide to any Republican debate. Why worry what is coming next when we can guarantee exactly what candidates will say.

1. We love Hispanics but want them to remain in Mexico.

2. We hate the wealthy but we can not raise their taxes since that would lead to a depression.

3. We will abolish Obamacare and guarantee those without health care complete health care without any government involvement. Tune in sometime in late November about the specific details.

4. We will end student debt. Each and every student who has loans is guaranteed they will repay those loans with the help of rich folks. Each student will contract with a wealthy person who will repay their loan in exchange for 10% of their salary from now on.

5. The days of ISIS are over after we carpet bomb them into oblivion!

6. We love women, in fact we all have moms and sisters and wives to prove it.

7. Send Hillary Clinton to prison and restore America’s honor.

8. Oh, we love Israel and we love Jews. Some of our best friends are Jews.

Chris Christie Is Mad!

Chris Christie is a heavy set man, he is rather hefty and knows how to throw his weight around. It is best that when Chris gets upset, that any normal person make certain they are nowhere in his vicinity. The other night at the Republican debate, Chris sort of got sore at Marco Rubio. He accused Marco of having the same set message regardless of the time day or night. It sort of goes something like this:

“My parents are immigrants from Cuba who came to this great nation and worked themselves up. I love America. I love Iowa. I love the Republican party and I sure love  the dough that comes with running for president. The real enemy of America is NOT ISIS. The real enemy of America is Hillary Clinton. She is the  one responsible for Benghazi! The infamy of Benghazi is the worst disaster in American history and when I become president, the first person headed to jail is Hillary Clinton! OK, Pearl Harbor caused a few more deaths, but the deaths at Benghazi were ordered by Hillary Clinton. Elect me and send Hillary Clinton to prison!!”

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I wonder if Ben Carson will return to cutting up bodies now that he has been cut up by Republican politicians?

Ted Cruz oozes anger and hate.

I really feel sorry these days for Jeb Bush, the bright  Bush son.

Donald becomes President and Mike Huckabee is his best servant in the White House.

Youth wants to be served but youth does not want to vote.

Actually, Martin O’Malley made a lot of sense.

Is Carly  Fiorina still alive?

Bernie, Shining Knight Of Hour

Since the death of Robert Kennedy in 1968, the Democratic Party has witnessed a series of men who come along with talk about how they will dramatically change the United States. George McGovern spoke that way and won a single state in his fight against Richard Nixon.  Who still remembers Mike Dukakis, another man who spoke words of  a revolution. Today, we have Bernie Sanders who is going to end student debt, provide universal medical care,  dramatically  raise taxes on the wealthy, and provide good jobs to all Americans.

First, Bernie has to win an election. Second, he has to create  a liberal Congress, and then…. Here are the reasons Bernie Sanders can NOT win the presidency 2016:

1. A Democratic victory requires gaining a high black voter turnout. He will  not inspire black Americans.

2. A Democratic victory requires a high Hispanic turnout, he will not achieve that goal.

3. A Democratic victory requires a  high female turnout, he will gain a majority, but the numbers will not be sufficient.

Reality, Hillary Clinton is still the best bet for victory.

This Land Is There Land

I have always enjoyed hearing the beautiful Woody Guthrie song, “This land is your  land,” which expresses the belief of all Americans that the land on which Theodore Roosevelt created our system of NATIONAL parks to preserve the beauty of our precious natural resources. OH, he was a Republican and for some reason believed that the national beauty could not be turned over to business corporations whose only desire was for money.

The Oregon group of allegedly “true Americans”came to Oregon to foster their belief that those with money  had first claim on what belonged to the entire nation. They arrived with their guns and now one of them is dead because of his desire to seize what belongs to ALL Americans–our precious heritage of wood and streams and plains not being torn to  pieces by oil rigs or coal mines.

Modern Republicans have completely forgot that it was under a REPUBLICAN that the national heritage was preserved. And, Socialists had nothing to do with this  goal.

Ted Cruz Gives Thanks

First, I want each and every person in this hall to get on your knees and give thanks to our Lord up above for giving us this great victory. Oh, and as you pray there will be some of my representatives picking up any loose change that fell from your pockets.  Now, I have some important news. Prior to coming to this group I received a call from our Lord and Creator. He wants to make clear that his son, Jesus, made sort of a mistake by making comment concerning the difficulty of wealthy folks getting into Heaven. We have first rate super deluxe apartments set aside for those with the bucks to pay for them.

Second, I want to make clear that as we head for New Hampshire, there is only one Republican who  our Lord has anointed with his blessing, and you are currently listening to him. God is on our side as we set off for war against the infidels led by Donald Trump and his secret mistress–Hillary Clinton! If you love God, remember to part with your money and give it to God’s messenger. NO! Not that Jesus guy–ME!

Iowa Today And Tomorrow

At this very moment,a  bunch of evangelical white men and women are voting in Iowa to determine which man or woman should be the next president of the United States of America. Yes, they are white folk, yes, they love corn, and yes, they are angry because someone or some thing has TAKEN AMERICA FROM THEM! Of course, if asked, they will respond the following things have been stolen by alien creatures:

1. The FAMILY they were raised with that includes a mom, a pop, and grand folks, and some kids.

2.  Our FIGHTING FORCES are gone due to  Barack Obama. We only have 12 aircraft carrier forces to match the ONE aircraft carrier possessed by China.

3. Marco Rubio wants to know what has happened to our AIR FORCE. We only  have the best air force in the world, but there is one problem–it has NO air force to fight! Damn ISIS, it refuses to get an air force so our air force can beat the hell out of them!

4. Our VALUES are gone! Yes, we no longer have a  society in which white Anglo-Saxons run the show. Now we have Jews, Catholics, blacks, Hispanics, gays, and women demanding a few rights. GOD did NOT want those folks to run Iowa, HE reserved Iowa for the white Anglo-Saxons, just offer up a prayer and see if I am right.

5. GOD up above does not respond to our prayers because HE is angry at the fact we have some black dude as President. GOD wants us to return to the good old days when white preachers led us in prayer and there were no synagogues or mosques to compete with the message sent by white Protestants to God up above.

So, all you white Iowa folks go ahead and vote today. As a group you sure represent the America that once was and no longer is. God for the good old days when mom spent her day cooking and cleaning and dad earned the money!

Jeb Bush Speaks Quietly

The Donald man was not on the stage so Jeb felt very comfortable in actually expressing his ideas to an audience.

“As you know,my  dad was a great president, and my loving brother was a president, and I intend to be a president. As for my other qualifications, you can read all about my  ideas by checking my  web site. I love all people, and that includes hard working Hispanic immigrants. If elected I will tear down the Trump wall just as Ronald Reagan tore down the wall in Berlin. I will get his nation moving again, just check my  web site for the specific ways to accomplish this task.  Unlike Marco who speaks one way on Monday  and another on Tuesday, I will always speak the same way seven days a week. Just check my web site for the things that I will say. God, its great being on a stage without that guy who takes over whenever I try to speak. If you wan to know what I think about that guy, just go to my web site.”

Ted Cruz Cruises Into Battle

There is no doubt if Republicans want a candidate who is ready for war, then simply gaze in the direction of Ted Cruz. He is the 2016 version of Dick Cheney Rumsfeld, raring for a good fight and ready to send Americans into battle while he remains behind at headquarters to direct battles. He wants to carpet bomb ISIS into hell. Of course, ISIS in Syria is embedded cities where there are civilians, but Ted is a Christian who cares about saving the lives of unborn children, as far as born people, then blast them into hell.

“I am the only person on this stage who truly believes in Jesus Christ. I am the only one who adheres to his teaching –kill the bastards and send those illegal immigrants back to Mexico. If elected, on my first day, Hillary Clinton will be headed to jail, on my second day, Bill Clinton will join her there. I am from Texas. God bless Texas, God bless guns. God bless me.”