We decided to discuss the Chris Christie campaign with the candidate himself.
M: So, Governor, what really is your view about Marco Rubio?
C: We in the great state of New Jersey know a punk when we see one. That twerp could not last a single day if he was in a New Jersey town with some tough guys hanging around the corner. He has the backbone of a chocolate eclair!
M: Those are tough words from one tough guy. What’s your take on this Cruz guy?
C: A Bible thumping bag of bull shit if you ask me. Every other statement from this punk is about asking God for His blessing. I guess the next thing he will claim is to be the Pope. Oh, I forgot, he switched from being a Catholic to being God fearing two gun son of a bitch from Texas!
M: I must ask, what is your take on the Donald man?
C: Just one day, just one day, I would like to see him pull that bull shit when in a room with the Mafia crowd. Just one look from a Mafia Don and Donald would run from the room while pissing in his pants and never turn back. He is full of hot air and he thinks bullying Jeb Bush is what he could do with a real Mafia soldier. Just try it, Donald, just try it. We will pick up your body in the nearest river that night!
M: I’m curious, what is your take on Bernie Sanders?
C: Oh, you mean the Jew fella. A nice Jewish man who should spend his time in the park playing chess with the other white haired old guys. Frankly, I have no idea what he really wants, and I doubt that he does.