Category Archives: Peace

A Civilian’s Guide To Proper Encounter With Police

I was raised on the streets of the South Bronx in New York City so I learned at an early age how to behave when encountering the police.

1. Always walk on your heels since this is less threatening then walking on your soles.

2. Avoid any eye contact with police, just gaze at the ground.

3. If you have black skin walk with your hands behind your back in a position to be handcuffed.

4. Have a patch on your jacket indicating that you gave money to the police benevolent society.

5. Any initial words should be: “massa, massa, did I do anything wrong?”

6. of course walking backwards with hands held high is a good way to indicate you are a peaceful person.

7. When asked your name, say it is: “Mike Flynn” or “Bill O’Reilly.” If either of those names are not your name,head to a court and change your name to an Irish one.

8. It does help if you are walking a dog, a tiny one, that is.

9. It also helps if you are with a beautiful blond girl who smiles at the cops. Of course, if you are a black man this just angers cops.

10. It does help if you are bare chested to make clear there are no secret weapons in your possession.

Oh,Brownie points if you speak with a British accent.

Then again, being dressed like a member of the clergy also helps avoiding being shot.

Just A Ride In A Van

I understand that some folks in Baltimore, Maryland are upset at the cops in their city. I don’t know why these people are in the streets shouting and looting and yelling at the work of our believed police force. So, what actually happened to this guy, Freddie Gray who has caused this problem that currently upsets many folks in the city of Baltimore? First, he looked directly into the eyes of city police, anyone knows that is a major criminal act. Then, he ran away, didn’t this idiot realize that running away from cops is, in effect, a provocation? Of course, if he had run directly at the cops, this would have constituted a direct challenge to their safety and they would have blasted away. Anyway, we now know the cops put Freddie in a van, shackled him but did not place a seat belt to protect his body front the movement of the van.

OK, so the cops decided to play a game, one they have played many times before without causing a civil disturbance. The game is “driving the van in such a way that the prisoner in the back gets thrown around. Heck, this is just like going to a carnival and taking a ride. Apparently during the “rough ride” Freddie was thrown against a bolt and his head suffered some injuries that resulted in his death. I do not understand why so many folks are upset. Are they against rides in a carnival? Oh, some accidents do occur in the carnival, why not in a cop carnival whose goal is simply to give everyone laugh??

Supreme Court Mumbo Jumbo

Chief Justice John Roberts is a graduate of a distinguished Ivy League Law School so it is certain that his comments on the current case before the court dealing with gay rights will be an artful and legal analysis of the issues being examined. I can not dare to even attempt offering any words of wisdom when confronted with a legal mind of this stature. But, let me give it a shot. First, let me offer the brilliant workings of this mind for the century as he offers a legal analysis:

“If Mary loves Joe they can be married. But, if George loves Joe, they cannot. This is an interesting point to consider.”

However, let me offer a more complex issue:

“Wood loves his master, Bill, but he cannot marry Bill. However, Mike loves his sadomasochist master, Bill, but he can marry Bill.” Is that constitutional?

Then again: “Sue the cat loves Julie the cat and they can mate, but Sam the dog who loves Julie cannot.” Is that constitutional?

Gee, I wish that I could have afforded to attend Harvard Law School!

Republicans Confuse Me!

There are moments when it is difficult to understand what drives members of the Republican party. At present, Republicans are offering one nutty idea after another in order to prove they will not allow Iran to develop nuclear power for war. Marco and Rand and mike, and Jeb shout about the fear we Americans must have about Iran securing an atomic bomb. The current plan being negotiated would prevent Iran from getting an atomic bomb for at least ten years. But, for some strange reason, these Republicans never utter a word about nations that POSSESS AN ATOMIC BOMB! For the record:

1. Israel has at least 80 atomic bombs.

2. India and Pakistan have atomic bombs.

3. Saudi Arabia is mumbling about getting an atomic bomb

But worse of all, there is one nation whose leaders hate America and have boasted their desire to destroy it, but no Republican is demanding that country should renounce atomic development. NORTH KOREA HAS THE CAPABILITY TO FIRE AN ATOMIS WARHEAD ACROSS THE OCEAN. So, who do Republicans focus upon–IRAN! I have yet to hear a single Republican demand that North Korea recognize the state of Israel? I think Sheldon Adelson should insist that unless North Korea recognizes Israel, then the only course left to the United States is to launch an atomic war against those barbarians!!

It’s Bombing Time

Ever since the dynamic trio of Bush/Cheny/Rumsfeld began wars in the Middle East it has become fashionable for other nations to get into the act of war. How can a nation earn respect in this area of the world unless it is launching planes into the air or dispatching war experts to train and arm soldiers? At this moment in time a whole lot of nations are headed toward Yemen in order to screw up those people. Of course in reality, what used to be termed the nation of YEMEN no longer exists. Just about every group from al-Qaeda to ISIS to Shiites or Sunnis or Saudi Arabia now vying to prove their ability to bomb, kill, destroy and devastate at least one big chunk of Yemen. Here is the scorecard:

1. The Houthis began as an independent Shiite group but their good work attracted the big league Iran team who decided to to make them part of the Iranian network.

2. President Selah who was supported by the USA is no longer on the team.

3. President Hadi who followed Saleh is now the rookie of the year and heading for the big leagues.

4. Saudi Arabia felt left out of sporting events and decided to enter their team. This team can mainly bomb and bomb and bomb. Of course, they have no idea who the hell they are killing except is certain hat hundreds of innocent civilians are dead.

5. The Houthi team hates al-Qaeda. The Saudi team hates al-Qaeda, but for some strange reason the old Yemen government and the new Saudi Arabian bombing team would rather fight one another than go after al-Qaeda which both hate.

How About A Huckabee-Trump Ticket?

Just about every day another person announces that he/she is running for the president of the United States of America. I believe it is time to narrow this field by postulating a partnership between two of the candidates. Frankly, it does’t matter which of the dick heads is the presidential or the vice presidential candidate. We argue strongly for a dynamic ticket of DONALD TRUMP and MIKE HUCKABEE. Why

1. Donald stands for gambling and fornicating, which makes him the balance to the uptight righteous Preacher Mike.

2. The combined knowledge that this duo has about foreign affairs makes it clear there is no conflict as to who runs for President and who takes the second spot.

3. Donald Trump is the leading investigator about where the black dude in the White House really was born. Mike considers that at his birth, God almighty anointed him with the grift of gab.

4. Mike definitely has God on his side while Donald has every gambler in America supporting his candidacy. Wonderful combination of righteousness and reality.

5. No one can beat either of these men in the bullshit competition. They win this contest, hands and butts down!

6. Neither of these men has the faintest idea as to where the Middle East is or where do Iranians actually live. How can they launch a war against a nation about which they know nothing??

It would be wonderful to awake one day knowing the Donald – Mike team ran this nation.

Same Sex Court Questions

Members of the US Supreme Court, having nothing better to do with their time have been posing some rather interesting questions to those arguing for gay marriage.

“What if two men and two women asked for a marriage license?”

‘What if a state required upon asking for a marriage license, you were required to respond to the question as to whether or not you intended to have children.”

I decided to pose my own questions:

1. What if two dogs appeared and requested a marriage license.

2. What if a cat and a dog appeared requesting a marriage license?

3. What if the bodies of a man and a woman were presented to the marriage bureau, would they be issued a marriage license?

4. What about a woman seeking to marry five men?

6. What would happen if a female Supreme Court Justice asked for a marriage license to marry a justice of the opposite sex?

and so on,and so on.

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer examples of headlines that appeared in the world press alone with our comments.

Norway, Norway Post: “Another Draw Of A Gun”

Another riot.

USA, New York Post: “Get Off My Lawn”

Dammit, this is Texas, stand on my lawn and it is death for you!

India, India Times: “Perfect Storm”

And thousands have died in Nepal!

Sweden, Local: “Children Locked Out Of Daycare”

Heck, they are three, time to get out and earn a living!

Australia, Canberra Times: “”New Gas Discovery”

Right in Central Park, so let’s drill baby, drill!

How To End Riots

There is no question that thousands are in the streets of America demonstrating their anger at what is more than police incompetence. Protesters are simply the outcome of a society that has turned its back on those who lack higher education and the right credentials that earn one a good paying job. Today, there are blacks in the cities, tomorrow there will be blacks, whites, Hispanics and Asians rioting because society has left them in poverty. We are simply witnessing the end result of a Capitalist economy that rewards those who do not need rewards and punishes those who are left behind. So, how to end riots?

1. We meed new legislation that enables our workers to form unions that fight for decent wages.

2. We need a new form of the GI Bill of Rights which allowed anyone who had served in the military to receive a free college education along with money to live on. Actually, such a law would pay for itself over time as people get higher paying jobs and give more back in higher taxes. They also stimulate the economy by increasing the demand for housing.

3. WE need to train police in the methods of handling violence without using guns. Check with Steven Segal, he never uses a gun.

4. We need to invent a new form of education that educates our youth for 21st century life.

5. We must return to the old days when workers were respected.

6. We must recapture the Depression idea that poor people just need a good job.

Playing The Jew Card

The media is filled with stories about President Obama “playing the race card” if he dares to utter some common sense remarks concerning why people are rioting. According to Fox News anyone who dares to question the acts of police is playing the race card. But, no one ever refers to those who “play the Jew card.”

1. Every candidate seeking the Republican nomination has made a trip to Las Vegas to kiss the butt of Sheldon Adelson who gave a $1000,000,000 in the 2012 because he believes that Barack Obama “hates Israel.” Of course, the Obama administration provided funding for the Dome program which prevents missiles to hit Israel targets

2. Chris Christie made a boo boo when he referred to the ‘occupied area of the West Bank.” When reprimanded by Sheldon, he hurriedly flew to Las Vegas and got on his knees to beg forgiveness.

3. Marco Rubio has come out for demanding that Iran must recognize the state of Israel or no nuclear agreement. Huh! What does this have to do with American foreign policy?

AIPAc supports the interests of a foreign nation and gives millions to candidates for public office. No one dares to challenge this arrangement which violates our belief that only American national interests should guide our foreign policy.

Let’s turn over the Jew card once and for all!