Category Archives: Conservatives

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 24 year old mind trapped in an 84 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I assume there shortly will be a law in Texas requiring that each dead body be accompanied by a rifle. One never knows what awaits.

I assume that Republican candidates for president are required to kiss the ass of Sheldon Adelson.

I wonder if God demands each person who enters Heaven has a gun.

Ted Cruz is living proof why no one should send their child to Harvard.

I so await the arrival of Rick Perry with his interesting comments on events of the day.

I so miss Sarah Palin, each day a morsel of brilliance from her mind.

Then again, whatever happened to Michele Bachmann?

God Bless Israel!

Members of the Republican party in Congress intend to prove to Sheldon Adelson they are prepared to hamper the interests of the USA in order to make clear to the Godfather of Jewish extremism that the interests of what they conceive to be Israel take precedence over the interests of the USA. They seek to make part of any negotiations with Iran a proviso that that evil nation must recognize the state of Israel. How about?

1. Iran must attend sessions with Sheldon Adelson and seek his advice prior to doing anything? Heck, Republicans now do this.

2. Iran must promise to provide any decent basketball player to the New York Knicks.

3. Iran must donate at least one billion dollars in the coming US election to the Republican National Committee.

4. Iran must allow Donald Trump to build his gambling casinos in their nation.

5. A law must be passed allowing people to carry guns into mosques.

6. OK, the Iranians already make illegal abortions so they get one brownie point.

Bush On Iran

Former President George Bush decided to offer some observations on foreign policy toward Iran. He was speaking at a Jewish Republican meeting and made clear that if he was still president, there would be every tougher sanctions imposed upon Iran. So, let us examine how Republican presidents have handled Iran.

1.In 1953, the people of Iran were led by a secular man named Mossadegh. He had controlled Islamic imams and endeavored to create a modern secular Iran. He also had the crazy idea that England should be paying the nation of Iran higher royalties for developing their oil deposits. In stepped the CIA and the English M16 who organized a coup that resulted in the end of democracy in Iran.

2. During the 1980s, Republican President Ronald Reagan provided aid and support to guess who–Saddam Hussein. Saddam had invaded Iran in a war that led to the death of over one million Iranians. The war concluded with a stalemate.

3. In 2001 as American forces swept through Afghanistan, Iran reform President Khatami closed the border to prevent the Taliban from fleeing and provided the US with intelligence regarding the presence of the Taliban. He also offered to recognize Israel, end support for terrorism and allow UN inspection of nuclear facilities. Bush never responded to the offer.

So, what was that about imposing stricter sanctions??

Republican Candidates Galore

It is one year before the election of our next president which means the list of those seeking this position contains more and more names each passing day. At current, we have:

1. Jeb Bush who is a secret Hispanic, a devout Catholic and he has no connection to anyone carrying the last name of Bush. He is really related to Busch beer.

2. Chris Christy can never attend a meeting on time because he gets stuck in traffic jams on bridges.

3. Rich Perry is still working to memorize how many Cabinet members there are and what are the names of those Cabinets.

4. Rich Santorum is busy buying new sweaters so he can come across as just another Joe.

5. Rand Paul wants everyone to know that what he advocated yesterday has no relationship to what he stands for today.

6. Marco Rubio is young at heart and therefore this entitles him to become our next president.

7. Donald Trump is currently very busy in Africa tracing down the birth certificate of you know who.

8. Lindsay Graham is seeking to persuade anyone outside the state of South Carolina that he is running for president.

Oh, for the days of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. I so miss these two female clowns!

An Election Was Held

Every few years the people of Sudan are allowed to hold an election. It is a three day event in which people are encouraged to go to a building, enter a booth, and cast a ballot. I assume they at least get some refreshments or perhaps a drink. The President of Sudan, Omar al-Bashir gets elected. This year the vote was only 94.5% of those who cast a ballot. Let me explain the difference between an election in the Sudan and one held in the United States of America.

1. About 46% of the people of Sudan voted, in America we get at least 47% who vote.

2. In the Sudan, those with guns make certain people vote the right way. In the USA, we make certain those with gobs of money make certain who wins.

3. In the Sudan, they use weapons to make certain people vote the right way. In the US we use television like Fox News to get information to voters explaining how and who to vote for.

4. In the Sudan imams get out the vote. In America, Christian preachers and rabbis get out the vote.

In the end, someone gets elected, but life goes on much as it did before the election.

Medical Marijuana Madness

Future historians will study the famous “war on drugs” with fascination concerning how an intelligent group of people could descend into madness about an issue that simply makes no sense. There are occasions when the use of marijuana enables those who are ill to make it through the day with a semblance of sanity and peace. Several states already have legalized a process that is only focused upon the lives of those suffering from unbearable pain and simply seek the use of a drug to alleviate pain. There is nothing in the use of marijuana that implies people are seeking to party and have wild sex. It is simple– a human being is suffering and there is a drug that can end this pain. It is simply about pain.

Mrs. Shona Banda is suffering from Cron disease and she is in pain. She uses marijuana for one reason– to reduce pain. She is a registered Republican and not a wild eyed radical. However, her 11 year old son has been taken away from her because she is a drug user. He told his teacher about mom using the drug, she told the police, and the end result was that child services took away the boy. How did this society wind up with such madness?

I trust that Mrs. Banda has at least learned the folly of voting Republican!

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Sweden, Local: “US Student Sues Swedish University”

Damn it, he got his degree and was not in debt!

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Police Post Speed Meter”

It only applies to cars driven by black folk.

Norway, Norway Post: “Five Arrested For Wolf Hunting”

I will woof on this story.

Greece, Kathimeri: “Denial”

The national song of the American Congress.

Kenya, Nation: “Garbage Collection Begins After Two Week Suspension”

How does anyone know?

Chairman Barack At Gathering

Every year each American president is provided one opportunity to express his sense of humor before the annual gathering of White House correspondents. President Obama displayed an interesting sense of humor

“Just this week, Michele Bachmann predicted that I would bring about the biblical end of days. Now, that is some legacy!”

Donald Trump is still here–still”

Turns out that Jeb Bush identified himself as an Hispanic back in 2009. You know that is an innocent mistake. It reminds me of when I identified myself as an American.

“Ted Cruz said that denying the existence climate change made him like Galileo. That’s not really an apt comparison. Galileo believe the Earth revolved around the sun. Ted Cruz believes the sun revolves around Ted Cruz.”

Let me add a few:

“Sarah Palin looked out the window and saw God gazing into her house wondering if this was really the result of a million years of evolution of humans.”

“Rand Paul stood up for ending military involvement in the Middle East before he came out for it.””

“Sheldon Adelson threw his money into the ring.”

“Bibi Netanyahu insists that he is the right choice to play Moses, after all he brought Israelis out of the land of peace into the land of war”

Vatican Safe, For Now!

There is some evidence that terrorists were planning an attack upon the Vatican. Initial reports indicate that Islamic groups connected to al-Qaeda were ready to send in the suicide bombers against the Vatican in order to shut up the Pope who constantly makes statements about the need for peace in the Middle East. However, our research indicates that not only are Muslim terrorists angry at Pope Francis, but so are a heck of a lot of Catholics who regard his comments about gays and lesbians as insulting to all they hold dear in the Catholic religion. After all, would you want your daughter sitting in church next to some LESBIANS! One suspects there are some priests who do not like all this talk and action about predators upon the young. They believe it is their right to seek out young boys for sex mates. Just read the Bible.

Pope Francis has brought some fresh air into the Catholic Church. OK, Islamic terrorists are angry at him, then again, they hate imams who speak for peace. But, if Pope Francis lives long enough there will be hundreds of priests who would welcome his death. The Vatican curia do not want anyone examining their financial transactions. I have a hunch, threats upon the life of Pope Francis are more threatening from within the Curia than from without!

Another Day Another Candidate

It is Monday in America and those seeking the nomination for the Republican party as the next president of the United States of America will have to get at the back of the line. As of this moment, we have in line:

Jeb Bush

Maroc Rubio

Rand Paul

Rick Santorum

Chris Christy

Rick Perry

Scott Walker

Of course, Donald Trump

Oh, and the governor of Michigan, Rick Snyder joined the Rick party and wants to announce that he definitely wants to become President of this land. Naturally, he made the announcement in Las Vega at a meeting called by the Republican Jewish coalition. I assume that Sheldon Adelson was there checking that no one used the expression, “occupied West Bank” instead of the Israel West Bank. No Republican wants to anger the man who will be offering a $100 million prize to the one who can suck the behinds of the Koch Brothers and Adelson.