Category Archives: Catholics

The Murder Of Justice Scalia

We realize at this very  moment at least one hundred writers are pounding away with their “true story” about the strange death of Justice Scalia. Of course, at least 60% of Americans did not even know there was a Justice Scalia until the guy sort of died in –“mysterious circumstances.” We, as a public service have decided to present the true story as to what happened to the sort of heavy set guy who so loved to give it to workers, gays, and anyone who disliked wealthy people.

1. His head was either covered by a pillow or the pillow was next to him. What was a pillow doing in his bead? That  is one question that must be answered.

2. Justice Scalia was killed in Texas. President John Kennedy was murdered in Texas, is this a coincidence or is there a connection?

3. There is evidence a transgender employee worked at the establishment in which he died. We know Scalia hated transgenders. Is this a coincidence that one was in close proximity to him the night he was murdered?

4. President Obama wants to appoint a gay or transgender Justice to the Supreme Court,  there is need to check out the connection of Obama to this murder.

5. The death of Justice Scalia has been used by Ted Cruz to boast about his legal background. Cruz is a Senator from Texas, Scalia was murdered in Texas, draw your own conclusion.

6. Has anyone checked out whether or not an Hispanic rapist and murderer was anywhere near where Scalia died?

7. Pope Francis has been attacking American capitalism and Justice Scalia has been defending them. Is it a coincidence Pope Francis was a few miles from the scene of the murder??

Donald Dispenses Knowledge

We asked Donald Trump to offer our readers an overview of his ideas about the world. “Look, there is only one person in this contest who is a winner and that man is me. I have great ideas, I have winning plans, I am the only one who can tell Vladimir Putin to go fuck himself, why,because I am a winner. I have made great business deals, when I get through with those Chinks in China, thousands, no millions of jobs will becoming back to America. I will build a wall, a great wall that will make the Great Wall of China look like a kid’s toy. I am the only one who has a Plan, a great plan, a plan that will make America great again. I will safeguard our borders, not just agains the rapists and murderers from the South but from the Socialists from the North. Heck, when I get through, the Canadians will be begging to become part of America. And, those ISIS jerks,those losers will become Christians in order to be part of a winning team. So, stop thinking like a loser, think like a winner and join in my great plan to make this country great again!”

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Donald Trump is living proof that half Americans can be sold bullshit.

John Kasich portrays himself as the poor man’s Ronald Reagan.

OK, Marco, you can now come out and join the crowd at a debate, the big fat loud guy won’t be there.

Ted Cruz comes across as the guy who feels insulted if forced to talk to the average guy since that means the average guy can talk back.

MY dream-a physical fight between Jeb Bush and Donald Trump.

I guess Benny Carson can now pick up his marbles and go home.

Carly Fiorina is living proof you can fail in business, fail in government, and just fail and be somebody important.

At least Bernie Sanders is no Benny Carson.

It’s Me, Not You!

Marco Rubio informed his followers that “I did not do well tonight.  It’s not on you, it’s  all on me. And, I promise you that I will do better in the future.”

After leaving the hall, Marco was involved in an automobile accident. He jumped from the car, ran to the other driver and said: “I did not do well tonight, it’s not on you, it’s all my fault. I promise the next time I hit a car I will do better than damaging a headlight. Just watch me.”

Marco then went home and in the middle of the night he awoke his wife. “I did not do well tonight. It’s not on you, honey, it’s all on me. I promise to do better from now on. And, when I say that I will come, I damn well will come!”

The Poles Are Coming

Thee is some good news from Europe and some bad news for any member of ISIS or any other of those so-called terrorist groups in the Middle East. The Polish government has now made clear that Polish soldiers will soon be battling in the Middle East and when a Polack grabs  a gun, just watch out if you are a terrorist. As someone who is half-Polish, let me inform any Muslim who tries to take out we Poles, that you are signing your death warrant!

We Poles worked in coal mines, we worked in steel plants, we took any dirty, filthy job in order to put food on the table. Check out any famous American gang and you will discover some Polish names. And, you ISIS jerks, just remember that we Poles fight to win, and the only rule we follow is there are no rules– just victory!  You  ISIS jerks have been warned!

Inside Rubio Headquarters

This intrepid reporter was able to sneak into the headquarters of the Rubio camp  in order to report how Marco and his boys and girls will pursue the fight to become president.

Marco: Well, guys,  I guess using the same speech is not going to cut it this year. I was so hoping to be able to repeat and repeat the same words. I guess this means I have to learn an entire new speech. And, I have to learn this within a week or so. So, let’s get down to the nitty gritty of what I have to say.

Mary: Well,  Marco, how about saying something for the women of America?

M: But, Mary, I do. How many times have I spoken about mom and how she made the trip from Cuba. I love mom, I love my wife, I love my daughter, God, I do love women. What else should I be saying?

Joan: Marco, I think what Mary was getting at was addressing issues that women  face each day of their lives.

M: Oh, I get what you mean.How about this: Women of America, I am the only candidate who believes that each and every woman should have her own dishwasher and dryer in her own home. I am the only one who wants women to give birth to the baby conceived when she was raped. See, how much I care about women!

Mary: Marc, I just don’t think that will play well among young women. How about student loans, that might interest some young women?

Marco: Well, maybe I could tell them to find a wealthy businessman who will pay off their debts and all they have to do in return is sort of do things to please the guy?

Joan: Maybe, Marco, we should get back to the story how your mom escaped from Cuba and the washing machines.

Donald Trump Gives Thanks

God Bless you Iowa for the great victory I achieved tonight by coming in second. When I began this campaign months ago, I was warned, and I mean, warned, not to enter the Iowa primary by some so-called “experts” who said it is doubtful if I could get a hundred votes. Well, look at the record, I had over TWENTY THOUSAND VOTES! Man, tonight was a great, and I mean a great victory for me the  underdog.  l love you Iowa, and heck I might even become a farmer and farm, or do whatever is done on a  farm.

I am a great gambler, and I took the  biggest gamble of my life. I entered the Iowa primary,and I refused to take part in the comedy show they term, the Republican Debate. And, I won the gamble. I came in second. Just imagine, told I would not get a hundred votes and I got TWENTY THOUSAND! I’m smart, I’m brilliant. I’m not like the stupid people on that I have been standing on a stage with for months.

So, I won this primary,and now on to New Hamphire.

Ted Cruz Gives Thanks

First, I want each and every person in this hall to get on your knees and give thanks to our Lord up above for giving us this great victory. Oh, and as you pray there will be some of my representatives picking up any loose change that fell from your pockets.  Now, I have some important news. Prior to coming to this group I received a call from our Lord and Creator. He wants to make clear that his son, Jesus, made sort of a mistake by making comment concerning the difficulty of wealthy folks getting into Heaven. We have first rate super deluxe apartments set aside for those with the bucks to pay for them.

Second, I want to make clear that as we head for New Hampshire, there is only one Republican who  our Lord has anointed with his blessing, and you are currently listening to him. God is on our side as we set off for war against the infidels led by Donald Trump and his secret mistress–Hillary Clinton! If you love God, remember to part with your money and give it to God’s messenger. NO! Not that Jesus guy–ME!

Family Day In Italy

There is no question that Italy remains a decent God fearing nation which intends to adhere to the Catholic Church.  The Italian Bishop Conference has sponsored a Family  Day protest to ensure Catholics do not regard “marriage and civil unions on the  same level as the family.” And, of course, we know what “The Family” is– a man and a woman having sex.

I understand the Catholic Church is convinced that a man and a woman is  “the Family that God wants.” OK, this is clear. My question is: “If God believes that it takes a man and a woman to create a family, then why the  heck doesn’t he get a wife and form the family he wants!!

Rand Paul Not So Bored

Ordinarily in these debates Rand Paul is over at the end and appears to be gazing at the ceiling in despair as to how in hell he got stuck on this stage with these weird guys.

“Ted, Marco, I was there when both of you on the Senate floor were supporting a bill to allow illegal immigrants to become citizens. Of course, these days such ideas do not play well in this nation, particularly in Iowa. And Ted, you voted to reduce military expenditures and now you are going to dramatically increase the size of the US military. I wonder why. You also wanted to allow the government to check our phones. Not exactly an example of the 4th Amendment. Then again, Marco I have lost track as to the number of times you change your mind when  there is realization voting for bill X might lead to loss of votes.

Anyway, it has been a nice quiet evening without the guy at center stage bullying one and all.”