Fortunately for those who read these words, I am the only person on this planet who knows the real story about Jade Helm 15. I do realize Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz and other Republicans have questioned the reason for this military exercise by I know what is behind this so-called military experience. Following is my discussion with Gor Xul, the secret agent for Xullians currently on planet Earth:
M: So, tell me, Gor, what about this Jade Helm 15?
G: Fred, as you know Jade Helm is the name of our beloved leader on Xul.
M: Nope, did not know that.
G: Our master, Jade Helm 15 has decided that it is time to cease fooling around on this strange planet and take over.
M: Do you mean that Marco and Ted and Republicans are right that this exercise means the end of Texas as a free nation?
G: We decided that it was time to aid you backward life forms and put an end to the monstrosity known as the state of Texas.
M: So, you don’t like Texans?
G: I doubt there is any intelligent life form in the universe who regards Texans as intelligent life forms.
M: So, what exactly is Jade Helm 15?
G: We have located a deserted planet in the universe and will transport one and all Texans to it. There they can shoot one another until they are all gone from the universe.
M: So, where does President Obama fit into this story?
G: Oh, you mean Jade Helm 3, our representative on planet Earth. Sorry Fred, he was NOT born in Africa!