Category Archives: Islam

Inside Ted Cruz’s Brain

This intrepid investigator has been give permission by Ted Cruz, the man  who intends to save America from jihadist terrorists to spend a few moments inside his brain. This is a first for the American media, to actually get the inside scoop about Ted Cruz. First, let me note that it is not dark inside the brain because God  Himself shines brightly in order to ensure that Ted is awake and ready for action.

Of course, an important site in the brain is the Godless pit. Inside the pit are those who reject Our Lord, and spend their time wallowing in fire and hell. Naturally, there is a path leading to Mexico for those who entered the brain without a legal document. The New York island is surrounded by sharks to prevent any of those god forsaken people to cross over into Iowa land where dwell the righteous folk.

There is a high wall inside the brain to prevent any subversive ideas to enter since Ted does not want his family to come in contact with foreign elements that might disturb their peace of mind. There is also a shooting gallery where anyone can blast away at pictures of Satan’s messenger, Hillary Clinton. And, if you have a spare dime just pull the lever on the ducking  stool on which sits the evil one–Donald Trump!

Bernie Sanders Thanks Youth

Bernie Sander was all Bernie Sanders wishing the young people OK for their support. He promised to make America great again and once again listed a fantastic liberal program that, if passed, would make this one wonderful nation. How about a few words to those young people who made his performance prove terrific?

“Ok, thanks for your hard work. Now remember, it is your group that did not come out to vote in 2010 or 2012 which guaranteed that Republicans would control Congress and block passage of any decent laws. Yes, most of you will probably vote in 2016, but then again, most of you will NOT vote in 2018 which means that Republicans will decide which laws get passed. Sorry, I can rant and rave about evil rich people, but those people have control because you guys do NOT vote in Congressional elections nor for governor. So, get off your asses and make certain from now on you vote in each and every election.”

Iowa Today And Tomorrow

At this very moment,a  bunch of evangelical white men and women are voting in Iowa to determine which man or woman should be the next president of the United States of America. Yes, they are white folk, yes, they love corn, and yes, they are angry because someone or some thing has TAKEN AMERICA FROM THEM! Of course, if asked, they will respond the following things have been stolen by alien creatures:

1. The FAMILY they were raised with that includes a mom, a pop, and grand folks, and some kids.

2.  Our FIGHTING FORCES are gone due to  Barack Obama. We only have 12 aircraft carrier forces to match the ONE aircraft carrier possessed by China.

3. Marco Rubio wants to know what has happened to our AIR FORCE. We only  have the best air force in the world, but there is one problem–it has NO air force to fight! Damn ISIS, it refuses to get an air force so our air force can beat the hell out of them!

4. Our VALUES are gone! Yes, we no longer have a  society in which white Anglo-Saxons run the show. Now we have Jews, Catholics, blacks, Hispanics, gays, and women demanding a few rights. GOD did NOT want those folks to run Iowa, HE reserved Iowa for the white Anglo-Saxons, just offer up a prayer and see if I am right.

5. GOD up above does not respond to our prayers because HE is angry at the fact we have some black dude as President. GOD wants us to return to the good old days when white preachers led us in prayer and there were no synagogues or mosques to compete with the message sent by white Protestants to God up above.

So, all you white Iowa folks go ahead and vote today. As a group you sure represent the America that once was and no longer is. God for the good old days when mom spent her day cooking and cleaning and dad earned the money!

Norse Warriors Seek A Fight

I was taught in school that in ancient times Norse warriors roamed the seas in search of plunder and women. These days the city of Stockholm, Sweden is the home of bands of young men who roam the streets handing out leaflets warning any Muslim children to get out of the way because if they find “north African street children roaming the streets they will get the hell beat out of them. These descendants of warriors who actually engaged in battle with men, are not quite ready to  take on adults since they  can definitely handle the kids.

We are  prepared to provide these heroic young men an opportunity to come to Chicago, and encounter some black kids. I doubt if our heroes of the north would   last a single day when encountering kids with guns.

Ted Cruz Cruises Into Battle

There is no doubt if Republicans want a candidate who is ready for war, then simply gaze in the direction of Ted Cruz. He is the 2016 version of Dick Cheney Rumsfeld, raring for a good fight and ready to send Americans into battle while he remains behind at headquarters to direct battles. He wants to carpet bomb ISIS into hell. Of course, ISIS in Syria is embedded cities where there are civilians, but Ted is a Christian who cares about saving the lives of unborn children, as far as born people, then blast them into hell.

“I am the only person on this stage who truly believes in Jesus Christ. I am the only one who adheres to his teaching –kill the bastards and send those illegal immigrants back to Mexico. If elected, on my first day, Hillary Clinton will be headed to jail, on my second day, Bill Clinton will join her there. I am from Texas. God bless Texas, God bless guns. God bless me.”

Rand Paul Not So Bored

Ordinarily in these debates Rand Paul is over at the end and appears to be gazing at the ceiling in despair as to how in hell he got stuck on this stage with these weird guys.

“Ted, Marco, I was there when both of you on the Senate floor were supporting a bill to allow illegal immigrants to become citizens. Of course, these days such ideas do not play well in this nation, particularly in Iowa. And Ted, you voted to reduce military expenditures and now you are going to dramatically increase the size of the US military. I wonder why. You also wanted to allow the government to check our phones. Not exactly an example of the 4th Amendment. Then again, Marco I have lost track as to the number of times you change your mind when  there is realization voting for bill X might lead to loss of votes.

Anyway, it has been a nice quiet evening without the guy at center stage bullying one and all.”

Ben Carson On Any Issue

Ben Carson was asked how he, if president, faced a Russian invasion of Estonia.

“First, let me make one thing clear. I am the only one on this stage who has been confronted with life-death situations. I had to respond to calls at 2:00 a.m. and get together a team to solve life and death situations. So, a Russian invasion of this Estonia poses no problem for me. Just to get things clear, this Estonia is in the Middle East? NO. OK, we are going to send in American troops, we are going to arm these Estonians-that is what they are called, I assume,- and we are going to  give them missiles and big bombs to take care of Russian invaders. Just as I stitched up people after an operation, I am prepared to stitch up any problem that arises.

OH, and have no doubt that our Savior Jesus Christ will be right there helping me win this war.”

Chris Christie On Any Topic

During the Republican debate, Governor Chris Christie was asked about the criminal behavior of his staff in blocking lanes on the George Washington bridge. The Governor offered a powerful defense.

“I want to make on thing clear, as Governor I worked to end the corruption that I found from previous Democratic governments.  If I am elected President of this great nation, feel assured that I will protect the farmers of Iowa. I will make certain that not a single college graduate has any loans to pay off. I am a problem solver, unlike those on this stage who are US Senators spending their days  arguing about nothing. You raise the issue of immigrants, well, I am the only one who will end such  discussion by a  law that ensures those immigrants who do not belong here, head back to Mexico and those who are from Muslim nations are returned to the Muslim group who sent them here. I WILL protect our borders!!”

Donald Wins Again

Donald Trump has decided that to win an election in 2016 the best strategy is to do the unexpected. He refuses to adhere to traditional approaches since the American people are just fed up with the world in which they live. Many, not all, believe their nation is in dire straits and it is all the fault of those who have been in charge of the nation’s political leadership. So, Donald does the reverse. If the norm is to make certain one is in a debate, Trump uses the ploy of not coming to the debate and taking over the news for a few days.

Give the devil his due. He just refuses to behave like a politician and the result is he gains more and more support from a large section of the nation. So, tonight, Donald will be talking about veterans, and tomorrow he will be talking non-stop about what happened at the debate because he was not present. ON to the convention and God knows what he will do there!

North Korean Wants To Bomb

The Republican party and Israel leader Benjamin Netanyahu insist the greatest threat to the safety of America is posed by the Iranian government. Of course, in reality, the greatest actual threat to our survival is posed by a lunatic in North Korea who has transformed his nation into a giant military machine. Kim Jong-un not only issues verbal threats, but has focused the entire nation to the task of creating missiles and nuclear weapons.

Japanese reports indicate that North Korea is in the process of developing  long range missiles and even working to miniature nuclear weapons into the missiles. So, where is the threat– from ISIS with its 30,000 troops or Iran which now allows inspection of its nuclear facilities or from North Korea??

Oh, by the way, Israel has at least 60 nuclear bombs and does NOT allow UN inspectors into its facilities.