Category Archives: Judaism

Israel Nightmare

I daily encounter Jews at my temple who insist failure to gain an agreement about resolving problems between Israel and the Palestinian Authority is the fault of Palestinians. In the next breath they insist the West Bank was given to Jews by God Himself because they are His Chosen people. Germany since the end of World War II has been the most staunch supporters of Israel. However, the German government is engaged in rethinking future foreign policy in the Middle East.

German authorities become concerned when Israel Cabinet members express ideas indicating lack of interest in the creation of a Palestinian state. Education Minister, Naftel Bennett recently made clear:  “Israel cannot withdraw from more territories and  it cannot allow the establishment of a Palestinian state. The German Foreign Office is urging Chancellor Merkel to reconsider the blind support for Israel and consider a new policy whose goal is creation of a Palestinian state. Reality check: most demographic studies indicate by 2040 the majority of people in the state of Israel will NOT be Jews!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I think Republicans need Rudy Giuliani to save America just as he single-handedly did on 9/11.

Cruz and Fiorina– a match made in heaven!

In all honesty, Bernie left Brooklyn but Brooklyn never left Bernie.

Donald prefers being Donald to presidential.

A miracle that will never occur is a day of peace in Syria.

Republicans never explain what “Making America Great Again” means,great in which respect?

It becomes increasingly clear the only purpose of Republican primaries is to  help some folks sell their books.

At age 85, I somehow missed the meaning or purpose of the Kardashian age.

These days I have come to conclude that Hell is being forced to sit before a TV set listening to the Republican debates for ETERNITY!

My great regret this year is that Elizabeth Warren did not seek the presidency.

Republican Congresswoman Marsha Blackburn has identified the greatest threat confronting America– the Government wants to regulate our ceiling fans!

First they came for our health care, then they came for our light bulbs, then they came for our ceiling fans, and next, no doubt, is regulation of our toilet seats!!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Throughout the past hundred years America always winds up as an ally of incompetent dictators–just check Egypt.

I was really impressed when Carly sang a lullaby to the daughters of Ted Cruz, she certainly demonstrated her qualifications to be vice president.

I really do miss the silence of Ben Carson.

Of course, I also miss the interesting comments of Rand Paul–and he never shouts!

Ah, Bernie, the road show will soon be over.

I really look forward to the debate between Hillary and Donald. The mind vs the Mouth.

Say, whatever happened to Rick Perry–is he still alive?

Donald On The World

I understand there might be a few out there in America who have yet to fall under the sway of Donald Trump, but when it comes to foreign policy,who can out think the mind of a man  who has built the Greatest Hotels in America,–heck,lets be honest–in the whole damn world! So,listen to this great thinker expound on the subject of world affairs:

1. Who the hell needs NATO? OK, it has been around for seventy  years, but we now need NEW Ideas.

2. I intend to bomb the hell out of ISIS just before I have America cease getting involved in the Middle East.

3.  So,who the hell cares if Japan or South Korea or even Saudi Arabia gets an Atomic bomb, we got more of them than anyone else.

4. Me and Putin or Putin and Me can run the whole damn world!

5. And, just remember that Great, Great Wall!

Let’s Play Cards

Donald Trump is sick and tried of the bitch from New York playing that woman card. He is angry because  this broad has stacked the deck so he cannot get a wining hand in the fame of women  Poker. So, we decided to present some card games that might interest Donald:

A game of Trump You which consists of Donald having all the cards and you  only get those he decides.

“Ace  in the Hole.” I get all the votes of those with Giant Pricks  and you get all those with small peckers.

He wants to play with a Royal Flush which consists of playing with a game of Poker with Jeb Bush and Rick Perry, guess who always loses?

Of course, Hillary wants to play the game of  who has the Women Card by pushing for higher pay for women, child care and paid maternity  leave.

Of course no one wants to play Poker with Ben Carson since he has the most difficult poker hand to decipher.

A popular game for Donald is throwing the deck of cards on the floor so Chris Christie can get on his knees and pick them up.

Hillary Vs Donald

Each passing primary day makes clearer and clearer that Hillary Clinton will be facing one another this fall. So, how should Hillary handle the raving mouth?

1.Refust to take his bait and argue over personalities.

2. If he says, Benghazi, respond with the story of 240 US Marines killed by Muslim terrorists in Lebanon when Reagan was president and pose to Donald: “Mr.Trump, do you believe we need a committee to indict the dead president. After all, it happened on his watch?

3. Play ads which simply replay his comments about women.

4. Never, ever, raise your voice when with him. Let him do the shouting.

5. Discuss the millions of jobs created by exports.

6. Every so often just stare with contempt when you gaze at him.

7. Demand that he specify exactly which jobs are coming back from China.

8. Repeatedly note the fact that more Hispanics leave America than enter it.

9. Demand that he outline the specifics of his Middle East foreign policy.

The Presumptive President

Donald Trump announced on national TV that he is the “presumptive presidential candidate” of the Republican party and it is time to focus on the bitch of New York, one Hillary Clinton. I overheard Donald talking with angry voters.

Mike: Mr. Trump, I  lost my job in the steel plant,will you bring back our jobs?

Donald: MIke, not only am I getting your job back from Chinese, I am going to make certain that you have a great job making shirts and pants. From now on, these items will be made in the USA! And, think of the pay when you make shirts!!

Mary: Mr. Trump,I lay awake each night worrying if some Mexican rapist will defile my body.How will you protect us?

Donald: First Mary,there will be a  wall, and not just any old wall, but the highest and biggest and greatest wall ever made that will keep the rapists in Mexico raping Mexican women. And, furthermore, YOU will be able to get those jobs these rapists work at when they are not our raping–picking fruit and vegetables and caring for children.

David Goldstein: Mr. Trump Obama and the Democrats hate Israel.What will President Trump do in the Middle East to protect Israel?

Donald: I love the Jews. I adore Israel. In fact, if I was not born Christian, I would be over in Israel wiping out those Muslims.Man, would I ever build a wall in Israel. I will double the size of any walls built by Prime Minister Netanyahu. And, just remember that my grandson is a Jew. No one loves Jews more than me!

So, Where Do I Piss?

I do understand that in an era in which student debt has reached astronomical heights and people have a difficult time getting a good job,  for some strange reason only a few dedicated Americans have their eyes focused on the real issue that confronts America–where do people piss–and shit? Seriously, imagine if no one had an opportunity each day to piss and shit, how we would have one angry and disgruntled society.

In a South Carolina high school a transgender student who has been peeing in the boy’s toilet was informed that he had to use the girl’s restroom or that of the school nurse. Well, this young man  or woman or whoever returned to the boy’s restroom and now is on suspension. I assume this student has now learned the number one rule of school–behave stupidly if a teacher asks you to. And, remember that for many Americans the real issue is–pissing and shitting.

No More Death To Israel

President Rouhani of Iran has decided to remove the slogan–Death To Israel–from missiles in the Iranian armed forces. How about some new slogans on missiles?

1. Ted Cruz–Whee, I am carpet bombing YOU!

2. Bernie Sanders: –It cost $15 million which should be used to pay off student loans!

3. Hedge Fund managers: Come back and I can invest you and make gobs of money.

4. Donald Trump–head for the border with Mexico and blast the rapists!

5. NRA– I want to make certain every American has his own missile at home to take out intruders!

6. John Kasich: Don’t leave, I have to balance the budget.

7. Ben Carson– I wonder what you do?

8. Mike Huckabee– I will say a prayer to help you on your way serving God.

9. Rand Paul–Don’t go, don’t explode, just stay out of trouble.

10.Bibi Netanyahu– go anywhere but my West Bank.

How About A Palestine?

It has now become part of the Republican mantra that anyone seeking the presidency must get on his knees, lick the boots of Sheldon Adelson and promise never,k ever to mention the word, Palestine. Israel Prime Minister inhabits his own special area of the Twilight zone where there is a nation called, Israel, which covers the entire planet and all who are Jews own every part of the planet. For Bibi Netanyahu under no condition can anyone who claims to be a friend of Israel support the idea of an independent Palestine.

Recent polls in Palestine reveal that over 67% of young people believe that stabbing an Israel Jew is in accordance with the Koran. Who are these young people? They have virtually no prospect for  decent job. They must go through one check point after another to get anywhere. They can be arrested for whatever the Israel police claims is evidence of “terrorism.” Yes, many want to commit some form of violence. That is the norm for people without hope. If Israel wants to end stabbing the first step is to agree on the establishment of an independent state of Palestine.

The details of how to reach such an agreement will take time. But, step one must be an official statement from the Israel government that it accepts this concept.