Category Archives: Judaism

Playing The Jew Card

The media is filled with stories about President Obama “playing the race card” if he dares to utter some common sense remarks concerning why people are rioting. According to Fox News anyone who dares to question the acts of police is playing the race card. But, no one ever refers to those who “play the Jew card.”

1. Every candidate seeking the Republican nomination has made a trip to Las Vegas to kiss the butt of Sheldon Adelson who gave a $1000,000,000 in the 2012 because he believes that Barack Obama “hates Israel.” Of course, the Obama administration provided funding for the Dome program which prevents missiles to hit Israel targets

2. Chris Christie made a boo boo when he referred to the ‘occupied area of the West Bank.” When reprimanded by Sheldon, he hurriedly flew to Las Vegas and got on his knees to beg forgiveness.

3. Marco Rubio has come out for demanding that Iran must recognize the state of Israel or no nuclear agreement. Huh! What does this have to do with American foreign policy?

AIPAc supports the interests of a foreign nation and gives millions to candidates for public office. No one dares to challenge this arrangement which violates our belief that only American national interests should guide our foreign policy.

Let’s turn over the Jew card once and for all!

God Bless Israel!

Members of the Republican party in Congress intend to prove to Sheldon Adelson they are prepared to hamper the interests of the USA in order to make clear to the Godfather of Jewish extremism that the interests of what they conceive to be Israel take precedence over the interests of the USA. They seek to make part of any negotiations with Iran a proviso that that evil nation must recognize the state of Israel. How about?

1. Iran must attend sessions with Sheldon Adelson and seek his advice prior to doing anything? Heck, Republicans now do this.

2. Iran must promise to provide any decent basketball player to the New York Knicks.

3. Iran must donate at least one billion dollars in the coming US election to the Republican National Committee.

4. Iran must allow Donald Trump to build his gambling casinos in their nation.

5. A law must be passed allowing people to carry guns into mosques.

6. OK, the Iranians already make illegal abortions so they get one brownie point.

Republican Candidates Galore

It is one year before the election of our next president which means the list of those seeking this position contains more and more names each passing day. At current, we have:

1. Jeb Bush who is a secret Hispanic, a devout Catholic and he has no connection to anyone carrying the last name of Bush. He is really related to Busch beer.

2. Chris Christy can never attend a meeting on time because he gets stuck in traffic jams on bridges.

3. Rich Perry is still working to memorize how many Cabinet members there are and what are the names of those Cabinets.

4. Rich Santorum is busy buying new sweaters so he can come across as just another Joe.

5. Rand Paul wants everyone to know that what he advocated yesterday has no relationship to what he stands for today.

6. Marco Rubio is young at heart and therefore this entitles him to become our next president.

7. Donald Trump is currently very busy in Africa tracing down the birth certificate of you know who.

8. Lindsay Graham is seeking to persuade anyone outside the state of South Carolina that he is running for president.

Oh, for the days of Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. I so miss these two female clowns!

An Election Was Held

Every few years the people of Sudan are allowed to hold an election. It is a three day event in which people are encouraged to go to a building, enter a booth, and cast a ballot. I assume they at least get some refreshments or perhaps a drink. The President of Sudan, Omar al-Bashir gets elected. This year the vote was only 94.5% of those who cast a ballot. Let me explain the difference between an election in the Sudan and one held in the United States of America.

1. About 46% of the people of Sudan voted, in America we get at least 47% who vote.

2. In the Sudan, those with guns make certain people vote the right way. In the USA, we make certain those with gobs of money make certain who wins.

3. In the Sudan, they use weapons to make certain people vote the right way. In the US we use television like Fox News to get information to voters explaining how and who to vote for.

4. In the Sudan imams get out the vote. In America, Christian preachers and rabbis get out the vote.

In the end, someone gets elected, but life goes on much as it did before the election.

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Sweden, Local: “US Student Sues Swedish University”

Damn it, he got his degree and was not in debt!

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Police Post Speed Meter”

It only applies to cars driven by black folk.

Norway, Norway Post: “Five Arrested For Wolf Hunting”

I will woof on this story.

Greece, Kathimeri: “Denial”

The national song of the American Congress.

Kenya, Nation: “Garbage Collection Begins After Two Week Suspension”

How does anyone know?

Chairman Barack At Gathering

Every year each American president is provided one opportunity to express his sense of humor before the annual gathering of White House correspondents. President Obama displayed an interesting sense of humor

“Just this week, Michele Bachmann predicted that I would bring about the biblical end of days. Now, that is some legacy!”

Donald Trump is still here–still”

Turns out that Jeb Bush identified himself as an Hispanic back in 2009. You know that is an innocent mistake. It reminds me of when I identified myself as an American.

“Ted Cruz said that denying the existence climate change made him like Galileo. That’s not really an apt comparison. Galileo believe the Earth revolved around the sun. Ted Cruz believes the sun revolves around Ted Cruz.”

Let me add a few:

“Sarah Palin looked out the window and saw God gazing into her house wondering if this was really the result of a million years of evolution of humans.”

“Rand Paul stood up for ending military involvement in the Middle East before he came out for it.””

“Sheldon Adelson threw his money into the ring.”

“Bibi Netanyahu insists that he is the right choice to play Moses, after all he brought Israelis out of the land of peace into the land of war”

Another Day Another Candidate

It is Monday in America and those seeking the nomination for the Republican party as the next president of the United States of America will have to get at the back of the line. As of this moment, we have in line:

Jeb Bush

Maroc Rubio

Rand Paul

Rick Santorum

Chris Christy

Rick Perry

Scott Walker

Of course, Donald Trump

Oh, and the governor of Michigan, Rick Snyder joined the Rick party and wants to announce that he definitely wants to become President of this land. Naturally, he made the announcement in Las Vega at a meeting called by the Republican Jewish coalition. I assume that Sheldon Adelson was there checking that no one used the expression, “occupied West Bank” instead of the Israel West Bank. No Republican wants to anger the man who will be offering a $100 million prize to the one who can suck the behinds of the Koch Brothers and Adelson.

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

WE offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Canada, Toronto Star: “Strange Smell”

Don’t worry, it is jus the aroma coming from the American Congress buildings

USA, NY Post: “Woman Shot On Texas Highway”

At least she was not shot in a Texas church.

Sweden, Local: “One-In-Three Russian Diplomats Are Spies”

That’s all?

UK,Guardian: “Nontraditional Families”

A man and a woman?

Japan, Japan Times: ‘Kim Jong-un Climbs Mountain”

You mean he rolled up a mountain?

Let’s Kill A Leader

American political,military, and media leaders are convinced that if we just take out a leader of some group, the terrorists will then disappear and peace will reign once again. As you recall the joy that was felt when Osama bin Laden was killed by our special forces. President Obama hailed the act and announced that we had finally avenged those who had died on 09/11. Osama is no longer with us, but since that day, the number of members of al-Aqaeda has grown and grown. There is absolutely no correlation between getting the bad guy and ending the bad guys. It now appears that ISIS leader, Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was wounded in one of those drone attacks. Once again, if this man went to his grave does anyone actually believe that is the end of ISIS?

Those who belong to these groups BELIEVE they are engaged in a holy cause. Heck, Jesus died but his followers grew and grew in numbers. One can no kill an idea by killing the leader of the idea. We need IDEAS in order to combat ideas. We do not need drones, but leaders with IDEAS who will rally people and gain their support. Perhaps, the problem is that America lacks such leaders and all we have left are Ted Cruz, John Boehner, and the rest of the clowns.

Terrorists Or Freedom Fighters?

A war is raging in Yemen, and it is clear that if a soldier who kills someone is allied with American or Saudi Arabian forces, his act is considered to be a blow for democracy. However, if a soldier murders an innocent person and that soldier is part of the Saudi Arabian coalition, this is a blow for freedom. Saudi planes just bombed the capital of Yemen, Sana’s and the result was a massive explosion which undoubtedly led to the death of some bad people. Let us clear up this situation:

1. The United States of America has been supplying arms to the government of Yemen. However, it is doubtful if these people were elected in a free election.

2. The Houthi minority in Yemen has been fighting the government for years WITHOUT ANY AID FROM IRAN. Actually, Iran decided to back them AFTER they had gained power.

3. When America supports any government in the Middle East, then, by definition, we are supporting forces of democracy. Tell that one to thousands in Egyptian prisons.

America continues believing the central issue is war and death. I do not oppose supporting those fighting ISIS with weapons. BUT, unless there is an economic plan to provide jobs and meaningful work to the masses, all the guns will not win any war. It is time to end the idea that groups supported by the US are “forces of democracy.” Frankly, it is difficult finding any group right now which can claim to support democracy and peace in the Middl East.