I have pondered this issue for many months,and reluctantly, very reluctantly, decided that my country needs me. So, I am going to run for president. So, what are my qualifications?
I, alone, without any help from anyone, will wipe out ISIS for once and all. Once ISIS leaders realize they are up against a nice Jewish boy from the south Bronx, they will surrender.
I, promise free college education for each and every person in America. Details are funding for t his project, will follow shortly.
I promise to end ALL terrorist attacks in Europe, in America, in Turkey, and any other country that now endures these terrorist attacks. I have already contacted Superman and have his cooperation.
Want a good paying job for at least $55,000, just vote for the Bronx kid.
I promise to end violence against cops, and violence by cops against people. All it takes is some warm hugs and plenty of guns and ammunition for one and all.
Want to go back to mining coal? I promise to erect coal sites in every American city, and anyone can go to the pile and get all the coal they want.
Apology, I do not have blond daughters or any junior to give a speech in my favor. However, I have read all Trump speeches and understand one must promise the moon, and deliver frozen Neptune.
P.S. To all Chicago folks, I promise the Cubs will win the World Series this year!
P.P.S. To all New York Knick fans, I promise the Knicks will win the NBA title!
Oh, I promise to appoint Ted Cruz to head a study on reducing the output of garbage in America.