Due to our secret spies in North Korea we are pleased to report an exclusive tale from that faraway land. We can now reveal the secret story of what happened to Kim Jon-un’s uncle who died a mysterious death. Western media claims that Jang Song-thaek was executed because he attempted to overthrow the government of Kim Jong-un as well as seeking to distribute pornography across the land. We intend to present tyne truth, the whole truth and the amazing story of what happened. Following is the real story:
1. Israel Mossad agents including the gorgeous spy, Sarah Sadownick secretly were brought into North Korea by Jang Song-thaeg who had converted to Judaism.
2. After falling in love with Sarah, uncle Jang began to drug his nephew with gallons of chicken soup and force fed him latkas and blintzes.
3. This diet soon transformed Kim into a man consumed with a desire for kosher food and well built Jewish women.
4. Kim and Jang had dozens of synagogues built in North Korea and there was a national program to convert North Koreans into kosher fanatics who enjoyed spending the day studying the Torah.
5. Finally, Dennis Rodman appeared on the scene with basketballs. Once Kim got back to working on his three point shot, the attraction of the softik Sarah disappeared and his days were spent practicing layups.
6. Finally last Monday, Kim awoke from his Jewish fantasy and after meeting Tom Cruise joined the Scientology religion and decided to end Judaism in his wonderful nation. It was then necessary to kill Uncle Jang and spare North Koreans life with latkas!
Posted in Asia, Barack Obama, Conservatives, Education, Gender Issues, Human Rights, john kerry, Liberals, Military, Multicultural, Peace, Politics, Religion, US Foreign Policy, War, World News
Being of Jewish origin, the importance of Santa Claus was never very great. I never received any presents on Christmas although our Irish elementary school teachers did ensure that we knew all Xmas carols. Little boy Jesus was certainly in my mind during the winter season of good cheer and faith. Thanks to Fox News, I now understand that some form of war is going on in an attempt by those “Liberals” to end the era of Santa and that guy whose name is Jesus. I never understood that the way to honor Jesus was to reduce taxes on wealthy folk, to purchase expensive toys and to sit on the lap of the rather hefty man with a white beard. After all, the lord Jesus came to Earth, or should I say he came to the Jews in some desert area because his goal was to play in the snow and rush off to department stores in Jerusalem.
Anyway, Fox News, as usual, understands this war on Santa began in Kenya, birthplace of Barack Obama. Since Obama came from an African nation, he never enjoyed winter activities such as throwing snow balls. I support the fight being waged by Fox News for Xmas. Let me suggest:
1. Special lines in department stores for those who earn over $100,000.
2. Poor people should have an area where they can donate toys to wealthy kids in order to honor those for whom Jesus came to Earth.
3. A special lane on highways for Santa.
Posted in Barack Obama, Christianity, Conservatives, Democrats, Education, Gender Issues, Human Rights, john kerry, Judaism, Liberals, Middle East, Military, Mitt Romney, Multicultural, Peace, Politics, Republicans, United States, US Foreign Policy, War, World News