Category Archives: Satire

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observation on the human condition from the mind of a 24 year old trapped in the body of an 84 year old man.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I always avoid parking in places that I should not park in.

Bagels in my childhood were one penny. I will have to await Heaven to once again pay that price.

Sign said: “Get in touch With God” I prefer that He get in touch with me.

I hate huge cars that take control of parking slots.

I walked by a college girl who said on her cell phone: “I am all alone and can’t handle it.” I wanted to hug her but to do so would land me in jail.

My dream is to be abducted by aliens and taken to their planet. At least no Tea Party around.

In the old days men sold stuff by traffic lights, I no longer see them.

I was told that to rent I need home insurance, isn’t this my call?

I wonder if there are lawyers in Heaven?

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

South Africa, Mail & Guardian: “I Was Fooled”

The complaint of Americans who will vote for Republicans next week.

Sweden, Local: “Doctor Puts Patient In Taxi”

If this is my doctor, the taxi is probably a safer place than his operating table.

Norway, Norway Post: “Homeless Get Rides In Police Cars”

At least they will have a warm bed tonight in the jail!

Russia, Moscow Times: “Stop Crimes Against Journalists”

This is Putinland, print the wrong story, then you committed a crime!

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Firemen Launch Damage Claim”

I didn’t know you could sue fire!

Sarah Palin Wants To Return To Politics

Sarah Palin has offered to the American people a wonderful gift–she is considering a return to political wars and may even throw her hat into the ring. If there is one thing about Sarah it is her forceful manner of speaking. “The more they’re pouring on the more I’m going to bug the crap out of them by being out there with the message hopefully running for public office in the future.” I am not exactly clear as to who are “they” since it could be members of her own family who engaged in a fight with Mama Bear a few weeks ago. Or, it could be those “Democrats” or it could be those “Republicans” who refuse her advice. Consider the manner in which her return to politics can save America:

1. She could challenge Vladimir Putin to a shoot out in the wilds of Alaska. Winner take all, the US vs Russia on line.

2. She could have a shoot out with members of her family since this group so enjoys a good family fight.

3. She could offer to take on ISIS either with guns or with fists.

4. Of course the real battle she could readily win is with this dude known as, EBOLA.

God Bless Sarah Palin, the real coming of our Lord, Jesus Christ!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 24 year old mind trapped in an 84 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I do not understand why women place blond in beautiful dark hair.

I love my white hair, I would die for it.

I was in a movie theater in which no one was in the initial three rows. Another bomb threat?

These days with my bad hearing a prefer subtitled films.

Those sitting in the middle of a row have a dilemma, exit right or left?

Store had a sign, “Final Sale Days.” I wonder if that is forever?

I wonder if Jesus would actually return to this planet?

I recall during basic training being taught about the Geneva Convention, is that still around?

I saw a license plate that read: “God’s Work Is Uplifting” For some strange reason I read it as “God’s Work Is Shoplifting”

Dark clouds. Lightening. I guess God is angry about something.

Inept Government Myths!

It has now become an accepted belief for the American people that “big government” is not working. Every poll reveals further evidence that Americans do not believe their government is able to confront issues of the day. The prevailing view is that if there is a problem, the government can not solve it. Of course, this myth does not indicate who or what else would handle problems? Let us examine the record:

1. Over thirty million Americans receive their Social Security and Medicaid checks on time.

2. Call the hotline for Social Security and someone responds within five minutes.

3. The Affordable Care Act is working after some initial glitches.

4. Their are health inspectors checking all sorts of facilities every moment of the day.

5. Crime has gone down dramatically over the past two decades. I assume that was due to “big government.”

6. Schools, with all their problems, are functioning and about 50,000,000 kids are learning something.

7. It was Big Government that gave African Americans the right to vote.

8. It was Big Government that gave gays and lesbians their rights.

9. It was Big Government which gave women their rights of equality in the workplace.

10. It is Big Government which has made certain that planes are safe.

Enough withe the Big Government myths.

Putin Speaks, So Listen!!

Vlaimir Putin has spoken and I trust that Americans will listen to a man with an iron heart who does not fear any animal, let alone any human. There are unconfirmed reports he just came back from wrestling a bear and sending him flying away in fear. So, the Great Leader decided to offer some of his wise words both to the people of Russia and America. He wants the world to know that: “I don’t think the United States poses a threat to Russia.” Wow, now I can sleep peacefully knowing the most powerful man in the world does not expect to go to war against America! However, the All Wise one has some words of advice to the American people about Barack Obama: “I think the policies of the ruling elite(in America) are erroneous. I think they go against our(Russian) interests, and undermine trust in the United States.”

I think we Americans should pay attention to this man of the truth. If only he was in the White House, every Muslim terrorist would tremble in fear. Imagine the head of ISIS being challenged to a duel at high noon with the Black Belt leader of Russia! If only we had a Rambo in the White House instead of a guy who plays golf! How about asking Putin to come to America and become our leader? OK, so you gays might be a bit worried, but which is more important, disturbing gays or ending fear of terrorists??

Then again, this blog would end if Putin was in charge.

BEWARE BARACK OBAMA!

Once again Barack Obama has failed to display the qualities of Presidential leadership that we expect from the person who leads this nation. He allowed former Ebola patient, nurse Nina Pham to enter the white House, and he hugged this womb! Furthermore, he told the American people: “I don’t think that Ebola poses a threat to the United States.” NO threat? Good lord how can Fox News continue to exist if there is no threat. Just think of all the reporters who would be out of work if there was no threat. Just think of Republicans next week who would be defeated if there was no threat? We MUST have a threat if this nation is to survive as a great nation. OK, so we did have one during World War II, but once that war was allowed to end, where have all our threats gone? A nation without a threat is a nation divided, and can no longer exist as a great nation.

It is now clear that John Boehner has the right not to touch or speak with the President. Ted Cruz now has a new fear to spread: “Don’t Touch Barack Obama or Any Of His Policies!” Not only is Barack Obama poison to our beloved wealthy folk whose money he seeks to take, he is now poison to each and every American. Let’s place Barack Obama in quarantine!

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Never Dull Moment In Politics”

More important, never an honest moment in politics.

France, Connexion: “Less Income Tax For Wealthy”

So, what else is new?

Russia, Moscow Times: “Russia Halts Import Of Chicken Legs”

I can hear Vladimir Putin clucking about this one.

Australia, Canberra Times: “Noodles Laced With Marijuana”

Point me in the direction of the nearest Chinese restaurant!

Japan, Japan Times: “Suicide Cells”

Hopefully, they commit suicide in the cells!

So, Who Is Working?

The government of India is employing a new system for government employees. The experiment allows anyone in India to check on what a public servant is doing at this very moment. As a citizen in India, I can log in at a government website and discover if an employee checked into work today and whether or not he is at his desk. Alas, the website does not allow me to know if this person is actually doing work while seated at this desk. How about in America?

1. We have a website that allows us to know if our congressman is actually in the House of Representatives.

2. A website that allows us to know which bills our congressman has introduced this year.

3. A website that allows us to know what did our congressman say in Congress.

4. A website that allows Fact Check to inform us as to whether what our congressman spoke is factually correct.

Good Lord if we had that website Ted Cruz would have to remain silent when in the US Senate!

Then, again, how about a website that checks on commentators who speak on TV?

In fairness, we will exempt religious leaders from these websites. Now, as to God….

Turkey Lives In Isolation From Reality

The behavior of Turkey in the tragedy that is unfolding in the city of Kobani defies any rational explanation other than its leaders inhabit a world that has nothing to do with planet Earth. Turkish soldiers stand idle in their tanks as ISIS tanks and weapons blast away at Kurds in Kobani. The entire focus of Turkey is upon Kurds in their land who constitute at least 20% of the population. Only a mad man would anger a large segment of the population which already contains armed groups. President Erdogan insists the real enemy is NOT ISIS, but the Kurds in Kobani. He is infuriated that American planes dropped supplies to Kurds who are fighting ISIS. He charges President Obama is “arming terrorists.” In his view, there is nothing to fear from ISIS.

The Kurds, the Kurds are the enemy. It is this group which must be destroyed. Does this man realize that once ISIS conquers Syria, it will be sending Islamic terrorists into Turkey in order to create the basis for a war? Such an event would then result in Kurds rebelling and Turkey will become a mess. It is very simple for Erdogan:

1. Negotiate with Kurdish leaders for some form of autonomy in the nation that would satisfy Kurdish desires.

2. Destroy ISIS around Kobani and win the admiration of Turkish Kurds.

For God’s sake, do something to prevent a massacre in Kobani! That event will create a new civil war in Turkey!