Category Archives: Satire

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I soon expect Donald Trump to reveal that he really is a woman trapped in a male body.

At least these days, Jeb Bush is very happy.

I assume that if the Great Wall will be built it will be done by Hispanic workers.

In my childhood we had the Sullivan Act which prevented civilians from having guns,  ah, for the good old days!

Trump supporters appearing on CNN shout with fury.

I expect that Crooked Hillary will be charged with having numerous abortions.

Is Marco Rubio still alive?

Ah, NFL   football soon here, finally, a contest without charges of who is crooked.

I really miss the calm ignorance of Ben Carson.

Many Versions Of Donald Trump

We begin with a confession. Frankly, it is almost impossible to keep up with the continual changes in what Donald Trump thinks should be his policy toward undocumented Hispanic aliens.

Donald One: “We have these Hispanics swarming across our undefended border,the are rapists, they are murderers, they are gang members, they are ready to attack your wives, your daughters, your grandmothers. We have to build a WALL, a GREAT WALL, and when I become president,it will be built, andMexico will pay for it.”

Donald Two: “I love Hispanics, each day I get hundreds, no thousands of emails from them promising to vote for me. Now, you know that I love Hispanics,heck I hire thousands, hundreds of thousands to work for me, and I pay them at least $7.25 an hour. We have to get rid of the bad Mexicans, we have to help the nice Mexicans. I AM the greatest supporter of Hispanics in America.”

Donald Three: “I have said from the beginning, that I want to help illegal Mexican families. The Trumps love all Hispanics. I want the good Hispanics to voluntarily return to Mexico, and then come back legally. In fact, I will build plenty of doors in the Great Wall so the good Hispanics can come back. I want to be fair with the illegals. I want to help them get the hell out of here, and then get the hell back to here.”

I trust this is clear to one and all. So, if I finally understand Donald, he wants eleven million people to leave, and then he will welcome back the  eleven million.

The Body Part Of Texas Are Upon You

There is a famous song known to all inhabitants of Texas, it begins with the line, “The eyes of Texas are upon you.” But, these days students at the University of Texas have changed the meaning of the song. Most students  and faculty members are furious with a new Texas  law that allows any student to enter a classroom, the lunchroom, the office of a professor, the library, heck the student dorm armed to the teeth. As a former college professor, the thought that an angry student upset at his grade could enter my office armed with a gun borders on madness.

University of Texas students decided to fight back. They now carry a toy penis and shout: “Cock But Not Glocks.” They have been informed that carrying a toy penis is not permitted. As students now argue: “We have crazy laws here but this is  far too crazy, that anyone can’t bring a diko, but you can buy a gun.”

All I can say is: “Cock And Load”

Turkey Twirls

During the past four years, the nation of Turkey has played a key role in conflicts raging in the Middle East. It supported the overthrow of President Assad, and opposed the entry of Iranian or Russian troops into the conflict. Ironically, just as it opposed the strong man regime of Assad, its then Prime Minister Recep Erdogan was endeavoring to become the all powerful ruler of Turkey.

On one hand, Erdogan wanted Assad removed, on the other hand, he opposed some of the groups fighting to get rid of Assad. In fact, Erdogan did nothing to prevent thousands of ISIS followers from entering his country and making their way to Syria. Ironically, it was simply a matter of time before ISIS began to target his government. There have been several suicide bomb attacks in Turkey. So,now,Erdogan is sending troops and tanks to fight ISIS. But, he opposes other anti-Assad groups.

One needs a score card to figure out who or what President Erdogan opposes. However, it is clear that he overwhelmingly supports getting more and more power to become the dictator of Turkey!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

If everybody in America is Great according to Donald, how come the US is not  A Great Nation?

Not a single Republican seeking office expresses a single word about the needs poor people.

Republicans insist the US paid “ransom” to Iran. This is the first time in history when the group seeking ransom wanted the other guys to pay them their own money in ransom.

So now, according to Republicans, Hillary is mentally unstable. Difficult to believe when a mentally unstable person charges others with being mentally unstable.

I wonder if in France one must take off the towel when in a steam bath to protect French values?

After a speech by Donald Trump I’m ready to listen with sympathy to Ryan Lochte. Ryan has such a soothing voice.

So Donald is going to get “95%” of  the black American vote. Sounds reasonable since Obama only got 93%.

There is one characteristic of Trump that is familiar to this New Yorker, he can’t utter a sentence without waving his arms.

I feel suddenly lost, no Olympic contests to watch, only men and women shouting about how we must vote.

Trump Weekly Slogans

These days it is increasingly difficult to determine what Donald Trump will be shouting about so we offer next week’s daily list of slogans

Monday: “Build A Great Wall” or, “Would  A Ditch Be OK?”

Tuesday: “Keep Mexican Dope In Mexico” or “Keep The Dope In America”

Wednesday: “All Lives Matter” or “All Billionaire Lives Matter”

Thursday: “What Have  You Got To Lose?” Or “Elect Me and Lose The Ball Game”

Friday: “Make America Great Again” or “No More Losing Olympics Such s In 2016″

Saturday: “I Love Hispanics” or “Maid Jobs At $7.25 Open To Any Hispanic!”

Sunday:”Paul Manafort–You’re Fired” or “Vladimir Putin–You’re Hired!”

 

The New Hillary Mystery

These are difficult times for Rudy Giuliani, after he single-handedly saved New York City, NO,how he saved the United States of America after 9/11, he is no longer in the news. So, what else to do, but invent a new terror that he single-handedly will crush. He has now become the leading fighter to make certain that American know how Hillary Clinton is a feeble minded, crazy person who has been mentally ill for years. He now describes the “Hillary Illness.”

As a I gather back in 2011 Hillary Clinton stumbled, fell, and hit her head.  I doubt if anyone reading these words has ever stumbled, fallen, and hit their head. But, it you had, it is  clear such a horrible event leads to dementia rather quickly. The reason Hillary Clinton will not tell the real story about her emails is because they  contain EVIDENCE of her mental instability. Look, if Rudy says she is a nut case, it must be true. Remember, he single handedly saved New York City, and he is now attempting to save this nation from the horror of a president who is crazy!!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

If stupidity was a crime, requiring deportation, this country finally would get rid of its Republicans.

Donald has “plans,” and Hillary has emails. Which of these two is the more boring story?

I must confess that Ryan Lochte does look sincere. However, he reminds me of the kid who mom found in the cookie jar.

How come Sanders and Trump people always talk about IMPORTS but not a word about EXPORTS?

Ironically, the Clinton model was Donald Trump–make gobs of money rather than the Jimmy Carter model of engaging in service to others–without any thought of pay.

Not a word from Donald about the fantastic performance of our Olympic squad–they certainly made Americans feel Great.

How come Great Britain almost passed the one billion Chinese in medals?

Trump supporters on CNN always refer to him as “Mr. Trump” while Clinton supporters frequently say, “Hillary.”

Trump went to Baton Rouge to hand out packages, for some reason, he just never got the urge to go to Vietnam and hand out bullets.

If being a  coward was a virtue, Donald Tump, the draft dodger during the Vietnam war would be a Saint.

I wonder why Donald Trump never once has cited his German ancestry.

Hillary –Just Shut UP!

These days the two most boring, the two most obnoxious stories about life in modern times is the tale of emails and the words of Ryan Lochte. Mr. Lochte can not cease repeating the word, “exaggerate” which somehow explains away his drunken episode that he and his buddies carried out in a Brazilian gas station. Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton just cannot cease talking about her infamous emails. She now claims Colin Powell urged her to have a private server, he denies the story. Back to the merry-go-round of person A says X, while person B says Y.

Advice to Hillary Clinton:

1. Quietly, and loudly say: “I made a terrible mistake in having a private server. To tell the truth, I really did not know why I should have one,  but I went and got one.
2. As of this date, despite the constant clamor about emails, not a single email has emerged that indicated it was something important.

3. I repeat, I made a serious mistake.That is the bad news, the good news is there is no evidence any secret was obtained by foreign sources.

I learned my lesson. Never again any private server.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 86 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Donald Trump wants to reach out to blacks, I guess next to ISIS.

Donald, Republican President Dwight Eisenhower refused to lower the 90% top tax rate on the wealthy during the 1950s, now, he WAS a Lincoln Republican!

I await a story from Trump headquarters which proves that Donald was a Green Beret in Vietnam and won the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Do you get the feeling the GREAT WALL will no longer be discussed by Trump?

I have asked my children that under no conditions are they to say two words to me–Ryan Lochte. Who the hell cares what happened at t he service station?

Frankly, I  was not impressed by behavior of Brazilian fans who did too much booing of opponents. Cheering is OK, not booing in the Olympics.

I have sort of a hunch that American performance at the Olympics proves that we STILL are a GREAT NATION.

I still adhere to my promise to myself in 1950 never to get drunk. I believe there are some guys who wished they made the same promise.