Category Archives: Satire

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Never Dull Moment In Politics”

More important, never an honest moment in politics.

France, Connexion: “Less Income Tax For Wealthy”

So, what else is new?

Russia, Moscow Times: “Russia Halts Import Of Chicken Legs”

I can hear Vladimir Putin clucking about this one.

Australia, Canberra Times: “Noodles Laced With Marijuana”

Point me in the direction of the nearest Chinese restaurant!

Japan, Japan Times: “Suicide Cells”

Hopefully, they commit suicide in the cells!

So, Who Is Working?

The government of India is employing a new system for government employees. The experiment allows anyone in India to check on what a public servant is doing at this very moment. As a citizen in India, I can log in at a government website and discover if an employee checked into work today and whether or not he is at his desk. Alas, the website does not allow me to know if this person is actually doing work while seated at this desk. How about in America?

1. We have a website that allows us to know if our congressman is actually in the House of Representatives.

2. A website that allows us to know which bills our congressman has introduced this year.

3. A website that allows us to know what did our congressman say in Congress.

4. A website that allows Fact Check to inform us as to whether what our congressman spoke is factually correct.

Good Lord if we had that website Ted Cruz would have to remain silent when in the US Senate!

Then, again, how about a website that checks on commentators who speak on TV?

In fairness, we will exempt religious leaders from these websites. Now, as to God….

Turkey Lives In Isolation From Reality

The behavior of Turkey in the tragedy that is unfolding in the city of Kobani defies any rational explanation other than its leaders inhabit a world that has nothing to do with planet Earth. Turkish soldiers stand idle in their tanks as ISIS tanks and weapons blast away at Kurds in Kobani. The entire focus of Turkey is upon Kurds in their land who constitute at least 20% of the population. Only a mad man would anger a large segment of the population which already contains armed groups. President Erdogan insists the real enemy is NOT ISIS, but the Kurds in Kobani. He is infuriated that American planes dropped supplies to Kurds who are fighting ISIS. He charges President Obama is “arming terrorists.” In his view, there is nothing to fear from ISIS.

The Kurds, the Kurds are the enemy. It is this group which must be destroyed. Does this man realize that once ISIS conquers Syria, it will be sending Islamic terrorists into Turkey in order to create the basis for a war? Such an event would then result in Kurds rebelling and Turkey will become a mess. It is very simple for Erdogan:

1. Negotiate with Kurdish leaders for some form of autonomy in the nation that would satisfy Kurdish desires.

2. Destroy ISIS around Kobani and win the admiration of Turkish Kurds.

For God’s sake, do something to prevent a massacre in Kobani! That event will create a new civil war in Turkey!

On Getting Dumped, Cluck, Cluck!

Every so often when one grows weary of words of fear coming from Fox News it provides a calm moment of life to focus on something that is simply an example of life on this beleaguered planet. There is a girl in China whose boyfriend dumped her. So, how does a female get over being dumped? This young damsel headed for the nearest Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet and proceeded to spend a week eating chicken wings in order to get over the sorrow she was experiencing. Her story touched me because I also feel that I have been dumped by someone who I once thought cared about me. NO, it is not a beautiful woman, NO, it is not a handsome man, it is a man I once trusted to focus on the issues confronting America. Back in 2009, I thought newly elected Barack Obama was a man who had a from grasp of what it entailed to be President. Alas, such was my folly of thinking. So, what does one do when dumped by a political leader?

1. I might try McDonald’s and devour their hamburgers for days. Most probably, it would result in an upset stomach.

2. I could eat spaghetti everyday for a week, and wind up feeling Italian.

3. I could drink endless sodas and pee for eternity.

In reality, I do feel that a loved one dumped me. In reality I simply do not know how to confront this issue. Frankly, I do not see a single Democrat on the horizon with the intelligence, the ideas, the courage to confront the reality of modern America and provide ideas to solve our problems. We once had giants in the land, today, we have men and women whose idea of leadership is securing millions in contributions. Perhaps, this girl has the right idea, find a fast food outlet and spend some time devouring its contents.

On the other hand, there is the famous words of labor organizer, Joe Hill, who preparing to get murdered by the government of Colorado, sent a message to fellow union members: ORGANIZE!

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Sweden, Local: “Oldest Eeel Dies At 155″

Big deal, we have at least 220 heels in the House of Representatives.

USA, aol. “Does Race Matter”

it depends upon how fast you are.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Russian Journalist Missing In Ukraine”

That isn’t the only thing or person missing in Putin Russia.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Police Shut Down Illegal Hotel”

Was that “shut down” or “shake down?”

Africa, Mail & Guradian: “Health Workers Injure Disabled Man”

Now, you know why he is disabled!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 24 year old mind trapped in an 84 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I always eat the bottom portion of a bagel first.

I saw this incredibly young mom with three kids. She must spend her days exercising.

I wonder if on holidays planes stop flying with their mail?

Every time I see a teen with a ten dollar bill it awakens feelings of awe for this Depression child.

I picked up three quarters. God leaves quarters, not dollars.

If I see a table with elderly people, I think it is “them,” not “me.”

A man spoke wisdom when he said “if you build a house in a hollow, why are you surprised that it gets flooded?”

My mind never thinks about the finality of life, too interesting being alive.

I picked up the phone and Lisa and Bob wanted to give me a TV. How sweet.

I do not like a stranger on the phone addressing me as, “Fred.”

I am the child of immigrants so I support all immigrants, legal or illegal.

Obvious Is Obvious!

The German secret police, the BND, have concluded their investigation into the shooting down of the Malaysian plane, MH17 which was flying over Ukraine when a missile blasted it to pieces. According to our beloved leader, the Great Vladimir Putin, the reason for this disaster was evident–some Nazis emerged from their graves in Ukraine, grabbed a missile system and shot down the plane. If the Great One explains any event, it is always the truth. For some strange reason, these Germans,and please remember, they are Germans, simply will not accept the truth. The BND told a parliamentary committee that Ukraine separatists had captured a BUK air defense missile system at a Ukraine military base, and used it to shoot down the plane. Although over 100 Dutch citizens died in the crash, the Netherlands has not been actively pursuing any investigations of the disaster.

This report will be filed. German newspapers are filled with stories of anger. Vladimir Putin will pontificate once again about Nazis. And, in the end, this story will disappear into the black hole of never doing anything about evil men in our time. Frankly, the stakes are too high. Russia has nuclear weapons, and when a nation is in possession of such weapons of mass destruction, we simply gaze in another direction. Such is modern life.

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Clues About Oracle Uncovered”

No, he is not Ted Cruz!

USA, NY Daily News: “Slum Lord Lives In Mansion”

Being a slum lord is the road to living in mansion.

South Africa, Mail & Guardian: “Pistorious Could Be Gang Raped In Jail”

In America this could never occur, inmates have constitutional rights to carry guns!

Norway, Norway Post: “Pastor Dies After Writing Nude Girls”

Was it the writing or the nude girls that gave him the heart attack?

China, China Daily: “Tips For Driving In China”

Red means go?

Don’t Sing On Subway Platforms!

I was born and bred on the streets of the Bronx in New York City. I spent the initial twenty years of my life riding the subway and thus became acquainted with rules of behavior on this method of transportation. The most important rule taught me was to “mind your own business.” If some people wanted to sing on the subway, let them blast away. If some people came asking for coins, just shut your eyes and pretend to be asleep. Actually, I did enjoy listening to young boys and girls sing since it made the journey more enjoyable. As long as others kept their hands off my body, let them perform and be happy was my slogan of life. Andrew Kalleen was playing music and singing on a subway platform when challenged by police to cease and desist. He refused. Actually, Mr. Kalleen cited the New York City Transit code which specifically allows “artistic performances” and even allows “kindly acceptance of donations.”

This response was to New York City police a defiance. Police continued to insist that one needed a “permit” to sing. The police were wrong and they were further wrong to arrest Mr. Kalleen. The real issue why are police wasting their time arresting people for legally singing in the subway? This is just another example of the fallacy of our “broken windows” theory which insists upon arresting small crimes in order to prevent more important ones. How about New York police entering Wall Street offices and enforce laws against small crimes? Oops, all they would find would be LARGE CRIMES!

Songs never caused people to fear for their lives!!

Pope Francis Pooped On By Bishops!

Thee is no question that Pope Francis seeks to introduce changes in the Catholic Church that would make millions of Catholics more willing to attend religious services. He supported efforts by modern thinking Bishops in the recent conclave to offer a welcome of greeting to homosexuals that encouraged them to attend church services. It was apparent when members of the conclave argued that gays and lesbians should be equal members of the Church that such talk was regarded as heresy by the majority. Even though Pope Francis was supporting those seeking to transform the Catholic Church into a 21st century institution, in the end those who have fixed thinking that what was true in the fifteenth century must be true today. The original document that was written with the full support of Pope Francis was changed at the end.\

The document now reads that “people with homosexual tendencies must be welcomed with respect and dignity” but the document went on to insist that marriage is only between a man and a woman. The original document said that gays and lesbians had “gifts to offer the Church.” Pope Francis is now at a crossroad, can he push ahead for changes that might encourage those leaving the Church to return, or does he allow conservatives to deny the existence of a modern world? He might have to become more of a leader with a firm grip on events if the Catholic Church is to be saved from its own rigidity!