Category Archives: Satire

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 23 year old mind trapped in an 83 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

The enemy within is the most dangerous enemy.

A trip through life is one in which there are valleys and hills.

Humans constantly clean dirt in order to obtain new dirt.

People starve and Republicans worry about birth control.

I so enjoy the act of stretching a leg.

Moment of shock seeing thin person working in fast food place.

We shiver at cold, but not when our heart acts with coldness.

I wonder why gold became so precious to humans.

End of family stores ended sense of local community.

There is one rendezvous never to make–with Death.

Do not be the captain of your fate, be the General.

Calendar is half price by January 15.

I wonder how most Americans would survive without the Dollar Store.

To be unemployed in 2014 is to live in fear.

Quandry: does mom or daughter take lead into Restroom.

To describe life is to explain life.

All too often we seek the hardest the thing needed the least.

To be lost in thought is not a Republican weakness.

Fewer ceremonies these days for the transition from childhood to adulthood.

Some place hands on thigh while walking.

I am only able to nudge what is my fate.

Who Me??

I confess to never having worked for Rupert Murdoch or any of his wonderful media outlets like Fox News or News of The World in England. Therefore, I have to plead ignorance as to what those with executive positions in the Murdoch empire actually are taught about the laws of most modern nations. Andy Coulson, former editor of the English News of The World is on trial for the crime of allowing his reporters to hack into phones. I do understand the act of hacking into phones is relatively rare in the modern world and, thus not well known to those in authority. Heck, just check with President Obama who, apparently, has no idea if anyone in his government hacks into mail or phones or whatever. So, why should anyone question the honesty of Mr. Coulson when told that hacking into phones was a CRIME! Oh, my God, imagine that hacking into a phone is not legal!

Coulson told the court that as far as knowing about phone hacking, “I was aware of phone hacking in very vague terms in 2002. It was gossiped about.” Ok, so this innocent man added, “That is was a breach of privacy, and I would have thought it was lazy reporting.”

So, how could any court find this man guilty. Rupert Murdoch never told him that phone hacking was a crime. He did not know his reporters were phone hacking. His wife did not know phone hacking was a crime, and his children certainly did not know that. So, how could he be blamed for something that he did not know about!!

Billionaire Doing Jail Time!

This story will probably shock most Americans, but in the nation of Italy a judge has finally decided that those with wealth must pay some sort of penalty for their misuse of money. Here in the United States only ONE man was ever sent to jail for manipulating money-Bernie Madoff– while the hundreds of stock brokers and financial wizards who, literally robbed millions of Americans, have never seen the inside of a jail. And, to add to the injury, most have never even endured a court action. Most just have THEIR COMPANY, not them, pay a fine and then proceed to go their merry way robbing and stealing from the poor in order to give to the rich.

An Italian court has sentenced former Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi who was found guilty of tax fraud to a severe penalty. OK, so he does not actually go to jail. Ok, so he is not exactly a prisoner. BUT, the judge made clear to Silvio that “once a week, and for a period of no less than four hours” he is to work in a home for the elderly doing something. Perhaps:

1. He might teach them how to cheat on their taxes.

2. He might teach them how to cheat in Bingo.

Or, if there is an attractive nurse around, he might teach her the joys of sex.

Warning To Salon Owners

As a public service this blog would like to offer the owner of a hair salon in London some advice on how to conduct, not only their business, but their lives. For some reason these folks decided that our Glorious Leader, Kim Jong-un had a hair style that was no pictruert what most people in England would wear. They decided to feature a picture of our Glorious Leader in order to peddle discount hair cuts for unsuspecting people. At no place in their ad did I see any words of warning to unsuspecting people who took advantage of this discount. They certainly should be informed that to take advantage of the picture of our Glorious Leader could result in a long term sentence–without time out for hair cuts–in a far away place in northern, northern North Korea!

We advise owners of the Salon that under no condition are they ever to take a trip to Asia. In fact, how about a sign over the door: We Only Serve South Koreans!

Then again, who knows, Kim Jong-un loves basketball, maybe he might enjoy a modern hair cut style!

Confronting Russia In Ukraine

Russian troops ARE in the Ukraine, and they are seizing buildings in an effort to provoke military reaction on the part of the government. If the Ukraine government fires away and one of these Russian militants are killed, President Putin will be on TV to announce a RESCUE MISSION designed to prevent further deaths and preserve Russian territory from the Ukraine Neo Nazi forces which threaten to invade Mother Russia. The world is witnessing a Kabuki Dance in which Russia is on stage and attempting to persuade Ukrainian forces to go on the offense. So, the best policy is not to be aggressive, but allow patience to guide decision making. What can be done:

1. Allow unarmed UN forces to enter the country and challenge the Russians to behave in a violent manner.

2. Surround buildings and wait out the siege.

3. Announce a European embargo for any and all transactions with Russia. The embargo would automatically end with peace in the Ukraine.

Adventurous Parents Should Reflect

Last week there was a story about a father and mother who decided to sail around the world with two tiny children. I guess a tike might find it interesting to battle waves and be tossed around, but when a child comes down with a disease, I have a hunch the warm comfort of a doctor might be more welcome then the sight of fish swimming in the ocean. Yesterday, another story of a nut case parent. Jason Knight took his eight and ten year old sons on a hike into the mountains and got a bit lost. He went down the wrong canyon, then decided to find help, got trapped and the two boys survived on a candy bar and water. Wow, what a wonderful vacation in the wilds of the west. Perhaps, I am somewhat old fashioned, but wouldn’t it be sort of wise if one is taking kids into the wilderness to establish a method of communication with family members in order to have a back up system in operation?

Fortunately, mom remained home and she alerted authorities and a helicopter rescued the boys. For some reason they rescued dad. Why not have him hike his way out? After all, he wanted to play at being a western guide wandering the hills of our country!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 23 year old mind trapped in an 83 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

For modern youth, the past slips through their minds.

We all too often become proponents for what will hurt our lives.

In any group, there is a “take charge” person.

Fewer parades these days.

Left alone, children play comfortably without adults.

Out of nowhere, a bloody nose.

I wonder which diseases were common to cro-magnons.

Our minds follow individual paths.

Some keep eye on the ground, some on the sky.

Some truths are fixed, some exist for the moment.

Hatred should be a momentary feeling.

Only humans engage in violence to end violence.

A king reigns, a president governs.

I always dreaded the last day of a vacation.

Words I dread, “rest in peace.”

We are blown by the winds of time.

2014 Americans are fascinated by stupidity.

Fracturing Going Boom In Our Lives!

It is now a well established fact for both Democrats and Republicans that the first business of America is business. Whatever enhances the bottom line of corporations must be supported because when it comes to matters of funding the political process, the dollar is the highest point in our lives. Ohio geologists, you know, those smart folk who went to some college which taught them a lot of stuff, anyway, these people are now claiming there is something wrong with tracking. They actually claim there might be a connection between a few mild earthquakes in a region that never had any earthquakes because of this fracking stuff. This type of talk sounds to me like SOCIALISM. Imagine believing that our wealthy businessmen would ever do anything to disturb our peace and security.

The Ohio Department of Natural Resources issued a very strange statement. They “believe the sand and water injected into the well during the hydraulic fracturing process may have increased pressure on an unknown micro fault in the area.” They have now shut down an energy company.

This is typical of the Socialists who run the Democratic party. Attacking Business, seeking things like higher wages–and lower profits– things that take money from job creators. Thank God for people like Ted Cruz whose Harvard education enables him to know there is no such thing as global warming, and certainly we all know that fracturing poses no problems–certainly none to profits!

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Torture Daughter’s Boy Friend”

I guess it’s better than torturing your daughter.

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Making Tracks To The Hills”

The gun nuts are coming, the gun nuts are coming!

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Man Arrested After Robbery”

Should we arrest him before the robbery?

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Twitter Targeted”

I think PM Erdogan does not like stories about his corruption.

Sweden, Local: “How To Embrace A Swedish Hug”

Tightly?

Russia, Moscow Times: “Men Hated By Men”

Ah, the story of Russian gays living in gayless Russia.

UK, Independent: “Half Pets Obese”

Well, it is a better ratio than obesity among their owners.

China, China Post: “Leave Them Searchers Alone”

Just another few oceans to search in search of a ping.

Life In Timberlake Not Sunny For Sunnie

The Timberlake Christian School in the state of Virginia is designed to teach young boys and girls how to be God loving decent Christian folk. However, in their midst is a young girl whose name is Sunnie Kahle and this young lady dares to wear her hair short and dress in jeans and tee shirts. She loves to play baseball and football and basketball and do things that God definitely designed to be done by boys. School officials, after making telephone calls to God Himself, have informed the grandmother of this child that her granddaughter has to get with the program–the one God designed. She was informed by school officials: “you’re probably aware that Timberlake Christian School is a religious Bible believing institution providing education in a distinctly Christian environment.” Ok, now that is clear, Sunnnie has to “understand that God made her female and her dress and behavior needs to follow with her Christian identity.”

Sunnie was made to understand that “sexual immorality” is not tolerated in this Christian school. Gee, I wonder how this applies to females playing in the NCAA basketball tournament. I guess it is time for them to dress appropriately when on the basketball floor of play. Dresses only permitted!