Category Archives: Satire

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

USA, NY DailY News: “Professor Strips For Students”

Hopefully, the mind, not the body.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Nightmare Nanny”

Nags, nags, nags.

Italy, Local: “Pope Does Not Pray For Victory”

Honest, not over the Devil?

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Why Relaxing Is Difficult?”

I live in America where Republicans control Congress.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Amazon Fights Amazon”

This is one big story!

France, Connexion: “Smoking Ban In Park”

I have a hunch the winds will handle this problem.

UK, Guardian: “New Twist On Shopping”

Keep the cart free of merchandise?

Iran’s Seven Year Itch For Peace

There is some good news coming from Iran, or at least any sensible person would interpret new Iranian proposals as constituting good news. Then again, when US Secretary of State John Kerry has to conduct foreign policy negotiation with one eye focused on Congress, is it at all possible that he can succeed in anything related to the Middle East, Asia, Europe or Africa? Iranian Foreign Minister Muhammad Javad Zarif offered a deal. Iran would freeze its current nuclear program for seven years on condition that after that moment, it would be free to conduct the same nuclear programs as found in other nations. At this point, Kerry and his allies in negotiation have been demanding a ten year freeze. In simple, clear English, both sides ARE close to an agreement. So, let us propose a compromise:

1. Iran freezes its nuclear program for eight years!

2. Israel agrees to reduce by a factor of 20% the number of atomic bombs in its facilities.

3. Israel and Iranian leaders agree to establish a joint commission which meets on a regular basis to discuss issues between the nations.

4. America returns to Iran money that was frozen after the Shah was overthrown in 1979.

Believe it or not, peace IS possible in the Middle East!

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Prison Guards Get Lounge Chairs”

To relax after beating the hell out of prisoners, I assume.

Norway, Norway Post: “Helicopter Pilot Gives Girl Lift To Beach”

How about a lift to the waves for the helicopter?

Sweden, Local: “Swedish Teachers Feel Not Valued”

By students or parents is the question?

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Boy Wins Battle For Log House”

Congratulations, Daniel Boone.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “God Goes To A Festival”

Leave it to we humans to use this as one more excuse for murder.

USA, aol: “Surely Common Sense”

If you cut taxes and less money comes to the government, your deficit rises.

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Man Kills Wife In Broad Daylight”

That’s what happens when a woman goes out without a hijab?

America In 2050

Among the most serious defects of modern political leaders is their failure to function in long term thinking. Just about every important world political leader can not get beyond thinking in terms of next year. We decided it was time our readers got a glimpse into the world of 2050.

1. At this point in time, a majority of people residing in America will NOT trace their ancestry back to Europe.

2. Women will be a majority in college, a majority in key business leadership positions and, hopefully, either a majority of close to it in Congress.

3. We can expect a woman as President.

4. About one fourth of Americans will fall into the category of being of mixed racial backgrounds.

5. Robots or some form of them will handle the vast majority of work in our society.

6. People will live in “smart houses” that make decisions including what to order for dinner tonight.

6. Leisure will be an important component of the American economy.

7. The impact of global change will begin to be apparent even to each and every American.

8. Congress will be investigating as to the nature of life in America in the year 2100. This will be a major issue for all in politics.

9. Viewers will now be able to feel the experience being seen.

10. Education will be handled in small schools which are linked technologically all over the world.

11. Oh, what we now know as “tests” will have long since disappeared from education.

12. A sensible tax rate will now be accepted by most Americans due to the large percent of people past retirement age.

13. Education and work for retired people will be a major focus of society.

14. Life expectancy will now be 100 for most Americans.

15. A major project will be sending people to investigate possible life on Mars.

16. The UN will become the focus of creating a world wide citizenship status that enables an individual to travel and reside in any nation in the world.

17. There will be growing interest in how to create the basis of world wide planning.

18. Use of money will have ceased, everything will be handled electronically. Alas,no more penny.

19. A political party will be formed that seeks to grant robots some form of “rights.”

20. Congressional districts will be created by non-partisan commissions.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 23 year old mind trapped in an 83 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Black goes nicely with pink.

If I dwell in the House of the Lord, what is the monthly rent?

Mom has blond hair with dark streaks as does daughter.

One wondrous moment when child serves mom.

Is chubby mom the future for daughter?

There are unlimited chances in life, so take one.

Some dwell too often on past slights.

Tall boys place hands in pockets to appear taller.

White haired woman dressed in white is a fetching sight.

This is not a good time to be elderly and poor in America.

A lottery for many is the most important dream of life.

Some waddle to death.

We elderly await the dawn and hope for another one.

Why must front and back of human body be covered but not the face?

Mystery of life: shoe lying in middle of road.

There are mysteries that will always remain a mystery.

I have always wanted to work in a supermarket.

Warehouse The Kids!

Members of the Republican party have finally identified the real threat from terrorists, and they are furious at refusal of President Obama to respond to a potential influx of thousands of militants who pose a real and present danger to our nation. No, these are not Muslim terrorists. No, these are not members of violent members of Boko Haram from Nigeria. No, they are not coming from eastern Ukraine with guns in hand. Thank God, we have Republican Congressman Michael McCaul who has identified the most important threat to our survival as a nation. So, who are the terrorists seeking to dwell within our midst while they employ their weapons of horror? If you go to our border with Mexico and gaze outward it is possible to see the advancing hordes descending upon our border. They are children fleeing beatings, rape and murder. And, now, according to the Republican party they intend to enter our hallowed grounds and commit horrors unknown to Americans. They intend to go to school, do their homework or work in our fields picking peaches and strawberries. Imagine the mayhem that will emanate from these actions?

Congressman McCaul has a plan. “I think we have to have a deterrence, and if we are to build facilities, we should build them in countries of origin in Central America.” He wants to construct warehouses for the children. Talk about a man who loves Jesus Christ. There is no doubt if Jesus was alive today he would be standing on the border line with gun in hand aiming at—? Who is the question?

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Sweden, Local: “7 Year Old Sues State”

Three hours of homework in the second grade!

USA, NY Post: “Hurricane Watch”

Congress is back in session?

Russia, Moscow Times: “Crack Down On Car Washes”

Vladimir decides what gets washed, if not, your mouth will be washed out!

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Reduce Ramadan Fasting”

Welcome news for fat folk.

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Thousands Without Power”

In Africa, how about hundreds of millions?

UK,Guardian: “Disgusting Joke”

Claiming the NSA spies for our own good?

France, Connexion: “Do You Have A Booze Problem?”

Head for Colorado and get a marijuana one?

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 23 year old mind trapped in an 83 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

In my youth, fast food was a hot dog at noon Thursday in the Kosher deli while mom worked at the store.

My mom never once took me out to lunch.

I have never feared fear.

All too many divorce from self.

Man sits quietly listening and wiggling foot.

The only truth I know is that I don’t know the truth.

Truth like paper is blowing in the wind of time.

Hate is a luxury not fit for most people.

Laughter is a dessert.

Each day 949 WWII veterans die.

Serving in the armed forces makes one depart with a sense of fatalism.

I am still surprised to see Jews depicted in films. Not the norm in my childhood.

Always make way for tomorrow.

Each day is a unique event.

Money is just money, it comes and it goes.

Technology and I are enemies at heart–and in mind.

I procrastinate filling out forms.

I place my glasses on the table when writing but do not use them to write.

Some back out of coffee shop.

Delightful sight, two white haired women walking with firm steps.

Secure The Border, Demands Perry!

I am currently engaged in writing the history of 1953 as it unfolded in the United States of America. In the course of this research, the topic of borders and immigrants continually crops up. Those immigrants coming from Mexico were referred to as, “wetbacks” and their numbers hovered around 800,000 a year. This would be the equivalent of about 3,000,000 in 2014 terms. However, there was an illegal immigrant influx from our northern border with Canada which was estimated to be about, 500,000– 1,500,000 in 2014 terms. The president was Dwight Eisenhower, a famous general from WWII. I have yet to encounter a single story which blames President Eisenhower for the immigrant situation. Not a single Democrat blamed the Republicans, not a single Democrat argued that President Eisenhower was refusing to carry out the law. Not a single Democrat called for impeachment. Frankly, I have yet to come across a single demand to send in the National Guard.

Fast forward to 2014 and a Democrat is President. According to Texas Governor Rick Perry, “five hundred miles south of the Rio Grande Valley there is a humanitarian crisis unfolding that has been created by bad public policy, in particular, failure to secure the border.” There is a humanitarian crisis. Thousands of children are fleeing from Central America in order to save their lives from rapists, gangsters and murderers. Perry met with President Obama, they shook hands. Obama insisted, “I indicated to him that what he said made sense”(placing the National Guard closer to the border.). Obama wants more aid to help children, but he also agrees on deporting immigrants. Perry blames Obama for failures of President Bush to do anything.

The only humanitarian crisis is that children are at risk. Rick Perry has no threats to his life. How about worrying about the children??

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

New Zealand,New Zealand Herald: “Demand Return Of $539 million”

Just a plaintive plea by job creators so they can create jobs–for themselves, that is.

Italy,Local: “Catholics Can Ignore Sex Teaching”

What a loving directive.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Summer Returns To Moscow”

Too bad, it also returns Vladimir Putin.

Australia, Canberra Times: “Senator AWOl In Inquiry”

Hell, in America they are AWOL from the American people!

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “More Money For Danish Cows”

Good lord, the cows in Denmark make more than McDonald’s workers!

USA, aol: “Governor Perry Dresses Like West Coast Metrosexual”

So, that accounts for his loss of memory about history?

UK,Guardian: “Dead US Soldier On Sixth Afghan Tour”

This leaves me speechless, but George/Dick/Don hail him for dying to halt WMD.