Category Archives: Satire

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Torture Daughter’s Boy Friend”

I guess it’s better than torturing your daughter.

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Making Tracks To The Hills”

The gun nuts are coming, the gun nuts are coming!

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Man Arrested After Robbery”

Should we arrest him before the robbery?

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Twitter Targeted”

I think PM Erdogan does not like stories about his corruption.

Sweden, Local: “How To Embrace A Swedish Hug”

Tightly?

Russia, Moscow Times: “Men Hated By Men”

Ah, the story of Russian gays living in gayless Russia.

UK, Independent: “Half Pets Obese”

Well, it is a better ratio than obesity among their owners.

China, China Post: “Leave Them Searchers Alone”

Just another few oceans to search in search of a ping.

Life In Timberlake Not Sunny For Sunnie

The Timberlake Christian School in the state of Virginia is designed to teach young boys and girls how to be God loving decent Christian folk. However, in their midst is a young girl whose name is Sunnie Kahle and this young lady dares to wear her hair short and dress in jeans and tee shirts. She loves to play baseball and football and basketball and do things that God definitely designed to be done by boys. School officials, after making telephone calls to God Himself, have informed the grandmother of this child that her granddaughter has to get with the program–the one God designed. She was informed by school officials: “you’re probably aware that Timberlake Christian School is a religious Bible believing institution providing education in a distinctly Christian environment.” Ok, now that is clear, Sunnnie has to “understand that God made her female and her dress and behavior needs to follow with her Christian identity.”

Sunnie was made to understand that “sexual immorality” is not tolerated in this Christian school. Gee, I wonder how this applies to females playing in the NCAA basketball tournament. I guess it is time for them to dress appropriately when on the basketball floor of play. Dresses only permitted!

Pakistan, What Are You?

Every so often a story emerges from the land of Pakistan that leaves me wondering on which planet I live. I have met dozens of people who come from Pakistan,and they, invariably are intelligent, wise and deeply religious. Most are devout Muslims with high human values, and then up out of nowhere comes a strange story which leaves me baffled. In the land of Pakistan there dwells a NINE MONTH OLD TODDLER WHO IS NOW IN JAIL! Yes, he is in jail. Now, what exactly could a nine month old toddler do that would lead to a jail term? I guess he could wet his diaper or cry or make life difficult for parents.

This is the crime: police raided his home and the toddler threw some stones at the cops. He was seized, his diapers confiscated, and sent directly to the police station where the child was finger printed and told that from this day foreword he has a criminal record. HUH!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 23 year old mind trapped in an 83 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Some turn to see, some just turn.

Sometimes the Emperor IS without clothes.

Listen to advice.

The unknown simply is the unknown.

I hate driving in the snow and ice.

Winter brings a frozen silence.

From whence we come, we cannot return.

For where we go, we cannot return.

It is said, we are the Çaptain of our fate, more like the private.

To help others is to help ourselves.

Humans originally depended upon visual memory.

To enrich living one must live with a richness of spirit.

Age causes difficulty in rising from a seat.

We recall what is important for our lives.

Sun brings warmth, sun brings life.

The story of a single human life is the story of humanity.

A REAL EXORCISM!

Among the many rules which govern my daily life no one is more important than avoiding coming into contact with any movie or TV program or person who is involved in the process of Exorcism. That is why the name of Bishop Marcel Lefebrve has never encountered my eyes and I have absolutely NO knowledge of the Society of Saint Pius X and its looney ideas concerning religion, human interaction and in any way, shape or form, their approach to how one deals with women who are raped. I would not be surprised if the priests of this sect decided the best way to handle a rape was to rerape the woman, but that is not exactly what they do. A French priest in 2010 apparently decided to come to the assistance of three women who somehow were connected by rape. He conducted an exorcism.

I have been unable to discover exactly how this exorcism was conducted other that it involved use of a broom, a toothbrush and scissors. One could readily allow imagination to take over at this point and figure out how those things somehow come together in order to wipe clean the rape. Three women at the Notre Dame de la Sablonnice school were put through the process and the aftermath is known only to French police.

I always though an exorcism concluded with a person being able to twist their head in various directions. I assume that is connected to a Jewish exorcism.

Secede Is Now A Right

Turkish Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoglu is very worried that Russian moves to encourage eastern areas of the Ukraine to break away might impact other areas of the region and lead to secession efforts. “We don’t want the Ukraine crisis to start a domino effect around the Black Sea.” He would prefer that any problems within the Ukraine or between Russia and that nation be resolved “within the framework of international law.” He does make a point, but he also disregards the rights of people to break away when they sincerely believe their rights are being taken away. For example:

1. Shouldn’t the people of Texas be allowed to form their own nation and make it mandatory for a shoot out each high noon in each city of the new nation?

2. We who believe in the New York Knickerbockers have not witnessed an NBA championship for forty years. We need to secede, form our own nation, form our own Professional Basketball league which guarantees each team at least one championship each ten years!

3. Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann need to secede and form a new country that guarantees those designated as mentally retarded to become the president. Not only would this guarantee a female president, it would guarantee that Fox News finally has good news to report.

4. The House of Representatives must secede from the Senate and create its own version of the American legislature. Gerrymandering will guarantee Republican control forever, and America will finally be saved from LIBERALS AND SOCIALISTS AND COMMUNISTS WHO SEEK THE MONEY OF JOB CREATORS!

We Love Russia, We Love Putin!

There are many people in Mother Russia and in the country of Ukraine who love their beloved Mother, and, in particular, they simply adore the bare chested Father who rules over everyone with a stern fist and a voice that thunders for action against all enemies. Groups of Ukrainian separatists seized control of buildings in several cities and demanded that Russian troops come to their aid and restore them to their former masters who murdered at least three millions Ukrainians when dad’s name was Joseph Stalin. The Ukrianian government and prime minister denounced this bit of drama as simply an act by Russian agents to destabilize their nation as a pretext for the entry of Russian troops whose noble act would be to prevent the death of separatists who defied the law.

John Kerry contacted Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov only to be informed that Russia is concerned about the safety of Russian citizens in the Ukraine. Of course, the “Russian citizens” are Ukrainians, not Russians. I assume the government of Mexico will dispatch troops to the United States of America in order to protect its citizens!

Headlines From World Press

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Court Reaches Riot Sentence”

In Putin Land, that means– off to Siberia!

USA, aol: “Collect Dead Students’ Debts”

Can they pay monthly?

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Lion Makes It Home”

Would you like to be around those gun nuts in Texas?

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “Cyclist Hits Truck”

Truck is doing well at last reports.

South Africa, Mail & Guardian: “Oscar Pistorious To Take Stand”

On his knees, I assume.

UK, Guardian: “Stuck In Traffic”

Some stuck in traffic, some stuck in poverty, take your choice.

France, Connexion: “President’s Love Nest”

Which one are you referring to?

IDIOTS OF THE YEAR!

Every so often one encounters a story about people that makes one wonder why Noah ever started the entire thing again about human evolution. Eric and Charlotte Kaufman decided to take their sailing ship on a voyage around the world. Sounds OK for a couple with nothing else to do. Oh, they have a one year old and a three year old who are nice sweet young girls, but unfortunately lack any ability or strength to be of any use on such a voyage. As I recall, my three young daughters at that age required a few visits to the doctor. Oh, I forgot, Eric and Charlotte are not only qualified sailors but also possess extensive medical skills.

It required the US Navy, planes, sailors jumping into the water to swim to the boat and a few million dollars worth of money to save their young daughter from an illness. Oh, the response of these two schmucks, “We were then and remain confident that when are prepared as any crew will.” Really! Arrogant, stupid, ignorant as any crew will be is more like it!

Republican Bizarro World

There is no longer any doubt but that Democrats and their left wing females seek to destroy the right of women to work for 77 cents for the same wok that for which men receive a dollar bill. Lefties want to deny females the right that God has given them to receive less money and thus ensure their husband or sweet heart can make more money and thus be able to afford to provide for her care. Rep. Lynn Jenkins from the state of Kansas wants she “strongly supports equal pay for women” and since women right now have achieved this goal, Ms. Jenkins wants Democrats to know that women do NOT need the government to decide they have the right to equal pay for equal work. If they have it, why must another law be passed to enable them to get what they have\?

Good question. Latest figures indicate women receive less money than men for the same work. As Senator Mitch McConnell points out, the idea that women receive less is simply another of those lefty “Bizarre obsessions.” He wants to know why Democrats oppose job creation. For example:

1. If all taxation was removed for those earning a million or more dollars, these wealthy folk would purchase more yachts and thus provide work for the unemployed.

2. Few dollars going to Uncle Sam in taxes for the wealthy means more dollars going for nanny jobs,for those in the diamond industry and I could go on and on.