Category Archives: Satire

A South African Tale Of Jail

News from South Africa indicates that when it comes to the punishment of those with money and power, a little bit of money goes a long way to getting a Walk Out Card from prison. Oscar Pritorious sort of killed his sweetheart a year ago and for some strange reason was sent to prison. Actually, he received a six year term that includes one year actually in prison, and the other five at the home of his uncle. Well, it is sort of a prison. Twelve bedrooms, a swimming pool,private gym and the run of the house.

Well, on the bad side, he can not leave this luxurious restart and go out into the real world. All it takes is money, good manners, know the right people and prison can be the place to head if you desire a good time!

Now, about those visiting women….

Our Ancestors Were Terrorists

Recent discoveries of a 7000 year old farm site reveal that our dear old ancestors were just a bunch of terrorists who did’t give a damn if the enemy was composed of women and children. The farm site contained the skeletons of 26 adults and children. There was evidence many had been tortured before death. So, what does this mean for we modern humans?

1. We humans just enjoy murdering the hell out of our enemies.

2. Beat another is justification for murdering the other.

3. They were using bows and arrows 7,000 years ago, pretty modern, if you ask me.

Republican leaders upon hearing the news immediately blamed this slaughter on the weak policies of President Obama. He just does not know how to handle terrorists. Donald promised, if and when elected, he will take care of these murderers.

When Marco Rubio was asked to comment about this scientific discovery, he responded: “I’m no scientist.”

Advise To Republicans

I thought it might be neighborly of me to offer a few words of friendly advice to those running for president as Republicans.

Mike Huckabee: Mike,there is job opening at Tucker’s Used Car Dealership in Hope,Arkansas. They need a fast talking man who can spout bullshit as long as cars are sold.

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, you are the only man in America who can stand up to Donald Trump. The sound of two hot air specialists would warm the hearts of all Republicans. Just imagine you and Donald on the stage all by yourselves!

Marco Rubio: You continue insisting that “I am not a scientist.” Since I am your buddy, I have purchased a place in a college course in science so you can, at least argue, I have yet to complete my science course.

Jeb Bush: How about promising that if you get the nomination you will go to Mexico and face down the drug lords?

Scott Walker: Scott,we now know that you are a Catholic. From now on have by your side a Rabbi and a Priest.

Rick Perry: Rick, I just don’t think the glasses make you come across as wise. How about a clown face?

Shootings In Texas

There is no new news to report,it is Tuesday and yesterday,just like the day before and the week before, someone shot someone in the state of Texas. In the Houston area police discovered the bodies of five children and two adults, they were shot and murdered,not by any black dude, not by any Mexican wetback who swam across the river to take my job, but by a God fearing white Anglo-Saxon man. The police have yet to release information about the man other than noting he had a record of domestic violence including beating up children.

The state of Texas insists that people have the right to enter schools with guns, to enter churches with guns, to enter movie theaters with guns, to walk the street with their gun in locked position, and, I assume in government buildings including the state legislature. If not, we need a new law to protect gun rights, just check the 2nd Amendment which clearly states the guns are allowed to be carried into the Governor’s office. Of course,the Governor of Texas is already well armed in case some Mexican wetback is seen on the premises.

I have just one question: Does God carry a concealed weapon on his trips around the universe?

Israel Jewish Terrorism

I have been told by many Jews that I am a ‘self hating Jew” who really hates Israel. My crime? Concern that ALL Israelis, Jewish, Christian or Muslim be accorded their rights as human beings. During the past three months there have been 154 reports of attacks by West Bank settlers upon Muslims, including the murder of a child and her father. OH, and the murder of a Jewish girl in a Gay Pride parade–not at the hands of Muslim terrorists, but at the hand of an Ultra Orthodox terrorist. By the way there is no evidence that a single West Bank settler has been charged with any of the 154 incidents. The nut case Orthodox man who murdered the Jewish girl is in jail– he killed a Jew, so some action must be taken.

The key word is-APARTHEID. I realize that no decent Jew loving Jew would ever employ that word to describe Israel, but, what the heck, it is the best description of what has and is, occurring in Israel. Iran is NOT the threat to the survival of Israel. The key element in maintaining Israel as a democracy is– the behavior of JEWS!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 24 year old mind trapped in an 84 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

America would be better off with 17 clowns from the circus.

Republicans insist that religion is part of our government, that was one of the reasons for the Revolution.

Donald now tastes blood and is ready to fight.

After listening to the Debate, my mind would so welcome Mitt.

I wonder why Rudy Giuliani is not on the stage of combat, after all, he single handedly saved New York City?

The problem for Republicans is they could not stand what Pope Francis says.

I await Republicans asking Megyn Kelly to get on the stage.

We’ve come a long way from Abraham Lincoln to Donald Trump.

Jews For AIPAC

Chuck Schumer is allegedly an American who happens to be a member of the Democratic Party and its goals for peace in the Middle East. But,Chuck is also a Jew who happens to believe whatever he is told by AIPAc must be true so he announced his opposition to the agreement signed by SIX NATIONS including the US with Iran. Chuck does not “believe that Iran will change.” Notice,there is nothing in his belief system about believing that Israel under Benjamin Netanyahu will change. For example, during the past three months there have been 154 assaults on Palestinians by West Bank settlers including the death of a child and his father. Oh, no one has been arrested, let alone convicted for these crimes.

Chuck,here is reality.

1. No agreement means the other signatories to the agreement will claim that sanctions are over.

2. Russia will provide Iran with anti-missile weapons.

3. China and Russia will be more than willing to assist Iran in any way including–nuclear development.

4. Bomb Iran as AIPAC desires means mass chaos throughout the Middle East.

5. Suicide bombers galore all over Israel.

Chuck, how about placing American interests before those of AIPAC?

Talk About Nothing

There was a “debate” a few nights ago between ten men in which the great issues confronting America were discussed. Let me list the key issues confronting the United States of America:

1. Illegal immigrants taking jobs away from Americans. Naturally,most college graduates these days are dying to pick peaches, apples and lettuce.

2. I hate Hillary,more than you.

3. Who supports the Republican Party the most.

4. Who hates the dude from Africa the most?

5. Who likes or dislikes Megyn Kelly the most?

6. Who wants to save women from making a mistake the most?

7. The guy named Donald.

Of course, a few minor issues were not discussed.

1. Student debt.

2. Our crumbling infrastructure.

3. Income inequality.

4. Health care for women.

5. Something about that thing about RACE!

Advice To Marco Rubio

Marco, me thinks you need a few words of kind advice to prepare for the next global debate.

1. Have you considered speaking with a Mexican accent?

2. I know you are concerned about rape and abortion. How about adding to your argument with some slides of vaginas?

3. I strongly suggest a beard to add some years to your youthful face.

4. Do you have any Hispanic relatives from Cuba who could tell good anti-Castro jokes?

5. You definitely have to devote more time to the story of Dad who arrived without much money. This is definitely a new approach. Just imagine, a refugee who arrived without money and made a success!

6. I never see any photos of your wife and kid, they would help to prove that you are older than 23.

7. I strongly suggest a Mexican band playing good Mexican songs in the background.

HEADLINES FROM WORLD PRESS

We offer samples of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Turkey, Hurriyet: “Back To Military Option”

Republican mantra as long as they don’t fight.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “More Money Needed”

Please don’t ask billionaires to contribute.

Sweden,Local: “Is Jesus A Myth”

These days,he is not only a myth, he never existed.

Russia, Moscow Times: “Putin Says Sepp Blatner A Hero”

A man after his own heart, greedy!

Norway,Norway Post: “Police Love Free Travel”

Also, free pass after a shooting.

South Africa, Mail & Guardian: “Board Directors Get Raises”

And, guess who does not!