This intrepid investigator has been give permission by Ted Cruz, the man who intends to save America from jihadist terrorists to spend a few moments inside his brain. This is a first for the American media, to actually get the inside scoop about Ted Cruz. First, let me note that it is not dark inside the brain because God Himself shines brightly in order to ensure that Ted is awake and ready for action.
Of course, an important site in the brain is the Godless pit. Inside the pit are those who reject Our Lord, and spend their time wallowing in fire and hell. Naturally, there is a path leading to Mexico for those who entered the brain without a legal document. The New York island is surrounded by sharks to prevent any of those god forsaken people to cross over into Iowa land where dwell the righteous folk.
There is a high wall inside the brain to prevent any subversive ideas to enter since Ted does not want his family to come in contact with foreign elements that might disturb their peace of mind. There is also a shooting gallery where anyone can blast away at pictures of Satan’s messenger, Hillary Clinton. And, if you have a spare dime just pull the lever on the ducking stool on which sits the evil one–Donald Trump!
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At this moment in time it appears that Donald Trump will not appear at the center podium for tonight’s debate. The issue of the hour is who then goes to center stage? We posed this issue to several Republicans:
Marco Rubio– I believe that I am the youngest candidate and the one Trump has bashed the most. It belongs to me!
Jeb Bush: Hey, wait a second dude, if I open my mouth to breathe Donald shoves his fist down it. My brother was the last Republican president so I deserve center stage.
Rand Paul: Who the fuck cares?
Ben Carson: Does being in the center podium mean I get to answer more questions? Is so, let me remain where I usually stand.
John Kasich: I am the most qualified since I served in Congress, and I am a governor. That places me ahead of anyone else on the stage.
Chris Christie: Folks, I am the center stage since I am the heaviest person in this group. I need something strong to lean on.
Ted Cruz: It would help if the lot of you just left and allowed me to go man vs man with Donald. I won many debates at Harvard and am the smartest person in this group. If intelligence counts, and being able to insult is important, just give me center stage!
Posted in Barack Obama, Christianity, Conservatives, Democrats, Don Rumsfeld, Donald Trump, Gender Issues, Hilary Clinton, Human Rights, john kerry, Liberals, Middle East, Military, Mitt Romney, Multicultural, Peace, Politics, Republicans, Satire, United States, War, World News