Category Archives: Satire

So Who Won In Iowa?

There is one certainty about  what happened in Iowa last week, someone gain the most votes and supposedly that was Ted Cruz. Naturally, whenever Ted Cruz is involved in any activity that relates to politics, there is need to take a step back and reflect on how he “won.” Donald Trump informed one and all last week that he really was the  person who won the primary because he came in second. Of course, Marco Rubio  also claimed victory for coming in third.

Suddenly, everything is up in the air. Donald Trump is now shouting FOUL! According to Donald: “Ted Cruz did not win in Iowa. He stole it: that is why  all the polls were wrong, and why he got more voted than anticipated. Bad!” It turns out the Cruz campaign sent emails to thousands of people informing them that  Ben Carson had dropped out of the race and guess who he wanted them to vote for? In addition,  voters received a “certificate” indicating they had to vote or else!

Ted Cruz now apologizes even after initially  blaming CNN for the misinformation. All Ben wanted to do was head home and get a change of clothes.

Inside Ted Cruz’s Brain

This intrepid investigator has been give permission by Ted Cruz, the man  who intends to save America from jihadist terrorists to spend a few moments inside his brain. This is a first for the American media, to actually get the inside scoop about Ted Cruz. First, let me note that it is not dark inside the brain because God  Himself shines brightly in order to ensure that Ted is awake and ready for action.

Of course, an important site in the brain is the Godless pit. Inside the pit are those who reject Our Lord, and spend their time wallowing in fire and hell. Naturally, there is a path leading to Mexico for those who entered the brain without a legal document. The New York island is surrounded by sharks to prevent any of those god forsaken people to cross over into Iowa land where dwell the righteous folk.

There is a high wall inside the brain to prevent any subversive ideas to enter since Ted does not want his family to come in contact with foreign elements that might disturb their peace of mind. There is also a shooting gallery where anyone can blast away at pictures of Satan’s messenger, Hillary Clinton. And, if you have a spare dime just pull the lever on the ducking  stool on which sits the evil one–Donald Trump!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

For some reason, CNN never went to the headquarters of Ben Carson. Oh,is he still alive?

I wonder what Carly Fiorina was thinking last night.

Ted  Cruz is the poor man’s Senator Joseph McCarthy without the joie de vive of the anti-Communist demagogue.

Marco Rubio must talk and talk and talk about his immigrant father and mother.

Take away  his arms and Bernie Sanders would not utter a word.

Donald was sort of quiet last night. Not the old give em hell!

So, some white Christians want to decide who is our next president!

Hillary Clinton Thanks God

If your name is Hillary Clinton then you just had a close call. Imagine getting clobbered by an old Socialist guy in the state of Iowa. So, what should she be saying?

“My name is Hillary Clinton and I have been around for the past twenty five years and hope to be around for the next decade. So, what do I need at this time? I need a clear ten point program which outlines specific ways to alter this society. I need to make young people understand this election is not only for the president, but also for the composition of the Supreme Court for the next two decades. Two more conservative judges means an end to abortion rights, it further makes  possible denying the right to vote to millions and it certainly makes impossible any action by a president to assist immigrants. So vote this  year, vote in 2018 and stop dreaming an old white guy  who waves his arms and promises goodies for all would actually get elected president of the United States of America!”

Republicans On Ben Carson

We decided to ask Republican candidates for the presidency what they thought about Ben Carson.

Rand Paul: I would have something say about him, but as of this moment, I have never heard a single word he has said.

Ted Cruz: They argue about my being born in Canada, and say this idiot is qualified to run for president!

Marco Rubio: I am deeply concerned about Ben Carson, he has actually made speeches without attacking Hillary Clinton.

John Kasich: I definitely would recommend him to anyone seeking a good surgeon.

Jeb Bush: I have nothing but good words to say about our African American citizens.

Donald Trump:  Once elected President, I intend to have Ben Carson supervise the White House staff help.

Ted Cruz Cruises Into Battle

There is no doubt if Republicans want a candidate who is ready for war, then simply gaze in the direction of Ted Cruz. He is the 2016 version of Dick Cheney Rumsfeld, raring for a good fight and ready to send Americans into battle while he remains behind at headquarters to direct battles. He wants to carpet bomb ISIS into hell. Of course, ISIS in Syria is embedded cities where there are civilians, but Ted is a Christian who cares about saving the lives of unborn children, as far as born people, then blast them into hell.

“I am the only person on this stage who truly believes in Jesus Christ. I am the only one who adheres to his teaching –kill the bastards and send those illegal immigrants back to Mexico. If elected, on my first day, Hillary Clinton will be headed to jail, on my second day, Bill Clinton will join her there. I am from Texas. God bless Texas, God bless guns. God bless me.”

NO BODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

I have no doubt Ben Carson would turn down being  in the center of a debate.

How come Carly is not allowed in the debate now that Donald will not be there?

Weird news of the day-Fox News is fighting for press freedom.

Frankly, I never heard of  Megan Kelly until Donald blasted her.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have Bloomberg vs Trump – a battle of the billionaires.

Then again, the billionaires will help decide who wins.

The other guy in the Democratic debate will always be the other guy.

Who Gets Center Podium?

At this moment in time it  appears that Donald Trump will not appear at the center podium for tonight’s debate. The issue of the hour is who then goes to center stage? We posed this issue to several Republicans:

Marco Rubio– I believe that I am the youngest candidate and the one Trump has  bashed the most. It belongs to me!

Jeb Bush: Hey, wait a second dude, if I open my mouth to breathe Donald shoves his fist down it. My brother was the last Republican president so I deserve center stage.

Rand Paul: Who the fuck cares?

Ben Carson: Does being in the center podium mean I get to answer more questions? Is so, let me remain where I usually stand.

John Kasich: I am the most qualified since I served in Congress, and I am a governor. That places me ahead of anyone else on the stage.

Chris Christie: Folks, I am the center stage since I am the heaviest  person in this group. I need something strong to lean on.

Ted Cruz: It would help if the lot of you just left and allowed me to go man vs man with Donald. I won many debates at Harvard and am the smartest person in this group. If intelligence counts, and being able to insult is important, just give me center stage!

Donald Takes Center Stage!

There are moments when one is left with the impression that Donald Trump actually DOES have a Great Plan. Donald announced that he would not participate in Thursday’s debate because Fox News commentator Megyn Kelly would be posing questions. “She doesn’t like me. She does not ask fair questions” is the essence of his complaint. So, what is the result of his refusal>

Commentators are only discussing why Trump will not come to the debate.

No one is discussing other Republicans because people want to hear what Donald is or is not doing.

Thursday will be dominated by talk as to whether Donald will participate.

If the debate proceeds without him, discussion in the post debate period will be about how the debate would  have proceeded if Donald was present.

Donald will get interview after interview.

If he loses the Iowa primary, he will blame Megan Kelly.

In other words it is a win-win ploy for Donald.

Danes Don’t Act Like Danes

The story of the Holocaust is replete with tales of horror, it was a time when people turned their backs on neighbors because they were Jewish. In thousands of examples, the average person gazed away when innocent people were loaded onto trains and sent to their deaths. But within this horror stood the example of the noble people of Denmark who gathered together in order to save the Jews of Denmark.

Fast forward seventy years until 2016. Denmark is the destination of thousands of Muslims fleeing death in the Middle East. A new law in Denmark requires each of these refugees to turn over to the Danish government any wealth they possess over the sum of $1100. This money will be used to care for refugees.

Oh, in fairness, the Danish government will allow refugees to keep anything that has sentimental value.