Category Archives: Canada

Rehab Amazing Says Ford

There is something about Rob Ford, mayor of Toronto, that makes life seem a more pleasant place to live. He is either dead drunk or off in the sky on a cocaine trip that eventually finds him in a human state of mind that enjoys one and all. He is currently in rehab after being discovered using crack cocaine. He now shouts to the world, “Rehab is amazing. I feel great.” He promised not to clean out his desk, and he promised to keep the locks as they are. Perhaps,others might try a little rehab:

1. Mitt Romney could spend a few weeks in a homeless shelter and live on a dollar a day. It would certainly clean out his head about the joys of poverty.

2. Any Fox News broadcaster could live for one month on Food Stamps. It would promise loss of weight, and the joy of awakening with an empty stomach.

3. How about Barack Obama spending a day in Yemen dodging drones? Great for exercise.

4. Ted Cruz could spend a week trying to walk across the deserts of Mexico and get jump across the border. He could use losing a few pounds of his body.

The Strange World Of Rob Ford

Rob Ford is the mayor of Toronto, Canada, and he has become a world leader whose words and antics are closely followed by the NSA, the ÇIA, the Royal Mounted Police, M16 and any and all secret police in Russia or China or wherever. Rob is a man for all seasons, particularly the season of drinking and smoking crack. Recently, a security guard reported on how Rob handled St. Patrick’s day in 2012. Let us be clear. Rob Ford is an Irishman. St. Patrick’s day for a few hundred years has required that an Irish man must get drunk, and the mayor sure was drunk on that day. He saw a security guard taking notes of his behavior. “You can’t do that to me, man. What, you think I wouldn’t find out? I am going to get him, mark my words.”

According to the security guard Rob was boasting that he was headed for a meeting with an important world leader–Justin Bieber. Rob did meet this world leader who inquired if his buddy had any crack cocaine. After all, what else happens at a meeting of important world leaders than some St. Remy French Brandy and some crack?

I do admire Rob Ford as a man of action. However, anyone who would actually like to spend time with Justin Bieber just does not register on the intelligent part of my brain!

Rob Ford, We Love You!

Rob Ford is mayor of the city of Toronto in Canada and has become a welcome sight to those on social media. He is either half drunk or wandering around stoned from use of cocaine. In his role as mayor, Rob is a model of how political leaders should behave. Since he is frequently either drunk or on drugs, this ensures that his proposals for legislation will make sense. Certainly, in a Rob Ford state of mind, this is more insightful than the sober mind of John Boehner. At least drunken Mr. Ford would recognize that providing more income for poor people stimulates the economy. Rob is taking a leave o f absence in order to gain control of his substance dilemma. Of course, the dilemma is really-should I remain stoned and being an effective mayor or should I become sober, spend my time with lobbyists and sell out the city of Toronto to the highest sober bidder?

Rob, we love you as a refugee from the TV show, Cheers. We prefer that you are drunk and singing with the crowd at your local pub then sitting behind a desk examining bids from people who are ready to support their making money with some nice money for his next political campaign.

Consider this scenario:

1. John Boehner gets drunk once a week and functions as a leader during this state of mind. Sound great?

2. Ted Cruz is on pot. At least this means no nutty claims to cut taxes on the wealthy.

4. Rand Paul gets boozed. Hopefully, this results in a visit to the nearest poor shelter where he can actually interact with the poor!

Family Comes First-Depends On Which Family!

There are moments in time when the real world makes the fictional world come across as not very real. Jennifer Pan was a nice 24 year old girl whose family was rather strict and insisted upon careful supervision of her social life. Heck, she had to be home by 9:00 p.m. Eventually, mom and dad forbid Jennifer from seeing her boy friend, David Wong. Given this situation, how could the young lovers discover opportunities to be with one another. Jennifer contacted the police and informed them that a gang had burst into her house, shot and killed mom while Dad was close to death and in a coma. She was tied up and robbed but eventually freed herself and made the police aware of what had happened.

A great story of a brave young woman who fought to protect her family. Unfortunately for Jennifer, dad awoke from his coma, and told what actually happened. It turned out “the gang” was really David Wong and the criminals were Jennifer and boy friend. When police asked why she had resorted to violence, the response was “family comes first” and in this case, it was the family planned with David and herself!

Secede Is Now A Right

Turkish Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoglu is very worried that Russian moves to encourage eastern areas of the Ukraine to break away might impact other areas of the region and lead to secession efforts. “We don’t want the Ukraine crisis to start a domino effect around the Black Sea.” He would prefer that any problems within the Ukraine or between Russia and that nation be resolved “within the framework of international law.” He does make a point, but he also disregards the rights of people to break away when they sincerely believe their rights are being taken away. For example:

1. Shouldn’t the people of Texas be allowed to form their own nation and make it mandatory for a shoot out each high noon in each city of the new nation?

2. We who believe in the New York Knickerbockers have not witnessed an NBA championship for forty years. We need to secede, form our own nation, form our own Professional Basketball league which guarantees each team at least one championship each ten years!

3. Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachmann need to secede and form a new country that guarantees those designated as mentally retarded to become the president. Not only would this guarantee a female president, it would guarantee that Fox News finally has good news to report.

4. The House of Representatives must secede from the Senate and create its own version of the American legislature. Gerrymandering will guarantee Republican control forever, and America will finally be saved from LIBERALS AND SOCIALISTS AND COMMUNISTS WHO SEEK THE MONEY OF JOB CREATORS!

Obama Administration Anti-American

For years members of the Republican Party have been attempting to make the American people grasp that Barack Obama is NOT a real American, let alone even being born in this country. Fortunately, we now have concrete evidence that Obama favors foreigners over Americans, after all, he wants Mexicans to take away good jobs picking peaches and strawberries. A CANADIAN rock band, Skinny Puppy, sent a bill to the Pentagon because they used Skinny Puppy music while torturing prisoners at Guantanamo. “We sent them ann invoice for our musical services considering they had gone ahead and used our music without our knowledge.” Look, if Skinny Puppy wants to drive people crazy with noise from their rock band, they have the right to decide who listens.

I am very upset. Once again, Barack Obama has disregarded the issue of jobs for Americans. Instead of using the services of an AMERICAN rock band, he sends our jobs to Canadians! I insist that any torture be conducted by AMERICAN citizens so we can keep money we spend on torture in house. For God’s sake, Obama, what type of message are you sending to the world–Americans can’t even use 100% American sources when torturing!!

Another Day, Another Ford Accident

It was just another day in the city of Vancouver, another day in which tourists filled the streets, but suddenly the entire city underwent a dramatic change when a rather portly man who was sort of stumbling across a street was accosted by a policeman who informed him that it was against the law to jaywalk. The member of the constabulary did not realize until he obtained the name of this pedestrian that it was the most famous man in Çanada–MAYOR ROB FORD of Toronto who was in town for a funeral.

According to Rob Ford: “I said I can’t believe this. They went out of their way to do this. I said that I support you guys. Did you arrest me because I am a Bronco fan?” Why police in Vancouver are out to get Bronco fans is beyond me other than British Columbia borders the state of Washington. Anyway, not a nice week for Rob, lost budget vote, and sister’s husband sued him.

Anyway, Rob insists he only had a Diet Coke in the pub!

FRIDAY QUESTION: What Are Rights Of Transgender?

A middle age woman in a Toronto gym recently encountered an interesting situation when a man who claimed to be going through the process of becoming transgender wandered into the female locker room at the gym. According to the woman, she encountered the following situation: “A man claiming to be transgender was in the female locker room The person they allowed in was not courteous and stared at me while I struggled to get out of a wet bathing suit. Hew as naked and had an erection. Does that mean that men not yet committed to gender reassignment are free to disrobe anywhere they choose?” Ah, modern life with modern questions unknown to our ancestors. Our response to this question

1. If you still got the prick then you stick with the other pricks.

2. An erection of the penis proves that you are still sort of a man.

3. If you still get an erection, does that send a message to you?

4. Do we need a new dressing room for the undecided?

5. Quit staring at women!

Rob Ford Again!

Rob Ford has registered to run once again for the position of mayor of the great city of Toronto in the great nation of Canada. Based on reports from those at the scene, Rob was sort of sober, which is either a positive or negative event for the people of Toronto. As a fervent supporter of the man with the golden tongue it is necessary for me to inform the public why they should back up this rather hefty man– but do not get too close if he falls backward and sends you to a hospital. Let’s examine his record:

He has respect for taxpayers.
He will end the gravy train.
He has saved at least a billion dollars for the people of Toronto.
He is, in his own words, the “best mayor” of Toronto in history.
And, above all, “my track record speaks for himself.”

How many men can make these statements without having had a drink that morning? Put it this way, how can any sober politician match this record of achievement? We need a drunk in charge of society, not the sober idiots of the Tea Party. Drink up, and get off the floor, Mr. Ford, we are behind you– a rather long distance, in all honesty.

Ladies Of The Night Need Protection

I recall as a twenty one year old soldier on his first night in Paris back in the days when prostitutes legally walked the streets of the gay old town without fear of being arrested. Prostitution was a legal occupation, many women from small towns in France went to Paris, worked the streets for several years, saved money and returned home to purchase a small business. In those days, prostitutes had to undergo medical inspection to prevent diseases. Today, prostitutes are forced to work for mafia style organizations and are brutalized as long as they can function with their bodies selling sex. Beverley Mclachlin, Chief Justice of Canada, issued a ruling that made prostitution in Canada a legal occupation. All nine judges on the court agreed with her decision.

She put it clear to all that for many women they have no meaningful choice “other than the risky economic activity of prostitution.” It is a job. Our society does not term it to be “prostitution” when members of Congress sell their vote, not their bodies, to corporations in exchange for money. That is simply getting a buck for a vote. I suspect those votes damage our society more than any sex act between a woman and a man.