Category Archives: New Zealand

Hundred Years Ago Guns Of August Sounded

A hundred years ago at this very moment, German troops were entering the neutral nation of Belgium as part of the famous Schliffen Plan which called for Germany to make quick fast invasion of France, compel the French to surrender, and then turn German troops eastward to confront and defeat the Russian army. The Plan was clear. Quick marches, sudden attacks, the enemy defeated, and then peace reigns in Europe. Between 1815 to 1914 there had only been three minor wars in Europe, so for someone who was a hundred years old, this person had never witnessed a major war, and was completely unfamiliar with the idea that innocent civilians would be forced to die because men were fighting a war. As German, French, Russian and English soldiers got on trains headed for combat, crowds cheered. There were wild celebrations for the announcement of war. The vast majority of those cheering were convinced the “war” would soon conclude, their soldiers would return home with victory, and then the pre-war wold would return to normal. Such were the dreams, such were the fantasies of those seeking war. Most probably, civilians in any war expect victory–for their side. The assumption is always, “we are on the right side. Since we are on God’s side, victory must ensue.” The “enemy” is some vague creature lacking in the peaceful attitudes of those going to war. After all, if our soldiers attack an enemy, it is only because the enemy initially fired and caused this conflict.

Every nation going to war assumes they are on the “right side.” It is rare for a nation to consider–what comes after victory? Or, what happens if we lose the war? Those concepts are not in the minds of soldiers or leaders seeking to defeat the enemy. Of course, the Guns of August never ceased firing for four long years of death and destruction. Then, came silence. Then came “peace.” Of course, twenty one years later came another World War. It would be interesting getting into the mind of Israel Prime Minister Netanyahu, what now after the tunnels of death are destroyed?

The Meaning Of Rape

There are two young men who live in the city of Auckland, New Zealand, whose beliefs in the nature of what constitutes the act of rape are rather interesting. Young Jin Bae and Huvaseop Jeong were at a party in which booze was amply provided one and all. An underage girl was at the party and the two sixteen year old tough guys decided to engage in sex with a child who was dead drunk. They were arrested two years ago and sent to prison for three years. The idiot duo decided they had been unfairly treated and demanded a new trial. They insisted that neither one had used violence, they had not threatened the girl, nor used any physical force so how could they be convicted of the act of rape? They demanded to be released from prison.

Judge Ronayne was not impressed with their line of thinking. He pointed out to the dynamic duo of ignorance, the girl was underage, she was “almost comatose” from alcohol and in no condition to either consent or to refuse sex with anyone. She had absolutely no ability to make any rational decision. The decision was not merely no to their request to be freed, the judge doubled their sentence to six years!!

Gender Equity Needed

I recall in years past discussing in my college classes that women usually earned less money than males in most countries of the world, including the United States of America. The Employment Court in New Zealand ruled in favor of a female employee who worked with the elderly who required care takers in order to get through the day. The court noted that Terranova Homess And Care Ltd. could not prove that pay for women was the same as pay for men. Evidence indicated that male employees-doing the same work as female– were paid about 20% more money. Naturally, the company is concerned at this decision because they will earn less in profits. Think about the implication. Senior citizens who invest in this company will receive lower dividends, they will have less money, and they may wind up in poverty.

Oh, what about senior executives. They will have to live on less than a million dollars a year!!

“I’m A Man, Not A Gay One!”

Bill Johnson is a true blue conservative who believes that Jesus Christ never liked those who were homosexuals. He ran for governor of Alabama and among his goals was to make homosexual same sex marriages illegal in his fair state. Bill and his wife went to New Zealand after earthquakes damaged the country in order to display their Christian faith by doing charity work for those who have suffered. Somewhere along the path of doing charity work for those hurt by natural calamities, Bill decided to explore another type of social work–SPERM DONATION!

Bill has not only been dispensing food and clothes, he also is dispensing his sperm to any woman seeking a healthy man to help out. It turns out that his sperm was donated to lesbian female couples who just needed the right juice from some guy. As she put it: “we found Bill to be really nice.” Bill claims his wife, who cannot have children, is behind his efforts because she wants me “to have a child of my own.”

I’m glad Bill is a social worker for lesbians. He certainly spreads the wealth of his body.

Haka Dance, Not War Threat!

The American people are a nation of immigrants, but as the breadth and width of immigration continually expands, the end result is confusion. For some reason, a number of Polynesian men and women have migrated to the Mormon state of Utah. Some boys were playing on the local football team and they  lost a game. Being Polynesian, the end of any sporting activity is for the men to perform a Haka, a dance. So, Polynesian men went into the Haka, the police freaked out thinking some form of Muslim terrorism was being enacted. They pepper sprayed the men and created havoc.

Police admitted they were surprised by the dance. In truth, they did not have a clue as to the Haka or the Baka or whatever. As far as their knowledge of Polynesians is concerned, let us politely say police know as much about the Polynesian culture as Herman Cain knows about the US Constitution

Jewish “Terrorists” Scare Kiwi Folk

To those of us who at one point or another in our lives as Jews prayed during the day with our “tefillin” it is no surprising that some nice Christian New Zealanders thought one of them damn Muslim suicide bombers was going to blow up the ferry. They saw a man with two boxes, one apparently taped to his leg and one on his forehead began to mumble some prayers or something like that before he was ready to…. Well, it turns out an Orthodox Jew was going through a normal prayer activity in which one uses a small black leather box called a “tefillin” which contains verses from the Bible that are taped to arms and forehead. Some observers thought he had wired his body and was about to blow up the entire damned ship. The ship got safely to port and the captain notified police who investigated the Israeli tourist.

Imagine if the tourists were Muslim. There would have been an outcry about preventing Muslims from going through their weird praying activities and why couldn’t they pray the normal way, you know, the Christian way??

Beauty Queen Not Dark Enough!

New Zealand has a large community of people whose ancestors migrated to the country from India. They yearly hold a Miss IndiaNZ pageant in which attractive females of Indian heritage show off their wares — or, should I say, bodies? A blond blue-eyed beauty was crowned this year as the winner and this aroused fury among some members of the audience who shouted that she was not dark enough! Jacinta Lal, whose father is Fijian-Indian and whose mother is of European descent, laughed off comments and noted: “It hurts that people are quick to judge an entire race for what one or two people do.” This absolutely gorgeous young woman was subject to insulting remarks because she happened to be too blond and blue eyed. She believes pageant organizers were comfortable with who she was and regarded her as an Indian. Remarks from the audience raised the issue as to whether, “is she even Indian?” I guess these days, racists come in all colors and shapes.

To make things more interesting, her boyfriend’s mother was furious at the comments and pointed out, “I’m half Maroi, my husband is Samoan,” and who the hell knows who her grand daughter will be? Perhaps, one day we will inhabit a world in which skin color just ain’t that damn important. In so doing, we will return to our common ancestors who left Africa thousands and thousands of years ago.

Don’t Invite New Zealanders For A Drink!

This year’s German beer festival of Octoberfest witnessed New Zealand drinkers performing unheard of drinking activities which left Germans speechless at the antics of the Kiwi drinkers. A group known as the 100 Club required its members to drink a 35 ml shot of beer every minute for 100 minutes. The club engages in this annual drinking event which takes place in Munich and is world renown for drinking and fun. However, fun for the 100 club has a certain twist. If a play vomits or urinates they have to drink it, or get another member to perform the act of drinking through a funnel or muddy boot. If any player violates the rules, judges create a foul concoction which might include raw eggs, tuna, rotten bananas, pickled onions and chilli. However, they do draw the line at eating shit, which goes to show these men DO have some standards of behavior. Most Germans regard the New Zealanders as creatures from outer space.

If you are interested, here are the rules:

Judges can raid disgusting food products to be consumed by participants.
Drinks are poured through funnels.
Judges can put anything into the funnels.
Judges can cover participants in flour and food.
Participants must brig their own shot glass.
Participants supply their own beer.
Shots of beer must be consumed every minute for 100 minutes.
Judges keep time by smashing two pots.
If a participant uses the toilet, vomits or urinates, they must drink a penalty funnel.
If a participant is forced to drink a penalty funnel, the are eliminated.
Anyone wearing underwear will have it ripped off.
No drinking with the right hand.
No back chat.
No arguing with judges.
Participants can get revenge on judges at end by urinating on them.

He’s Just A Fat Indian Man, Got A Problem?

A New Zealand TV host, Michael Laws is upset because others are upset at his simple remark that Governor General Sir Anand Satyanand was a “large fat man.” Mr. Laws was surprised that someone of Indian birth could be over weight, since that physical condition if reserved to good white people. “I mean we don’t expect Indians to be begging on the streets of New Delhi, but it’s like Anand discovered the buffet table at all, and he’s never left it.” Laws is shocked that anyone would interpret the remark to be racist, he was trying to point out how the Governor-General was an “unusual shaped man” who would have trouble making a quick get-away if the occasion arose. Station manager, Jana Rongooni was also confused why anyone interpreted the remarks to be offensive. “On Monday morning, Michael Laws made some personal observations about his size which were not racist, and they… were not intended to be offensive.” After Mr. Laws was attacked by the media he defended himself by saying: “I didn’t realize weight was a racial issue, I just said he’s a fat Indian man, which is true. He’s a fat Indian.” Period.

I do not understand why people in New Zealand are upset. Apparently, Mr. Laws goes around calling people, ” a fat Irish lady,” or a “fat Jew boy” or a “fat Roman Catholic priest.” He is definitely an equal opportunity bigot.

Care To Kolobasti With Any Woman?

A man was walking past a cafe owned by Turkish immigrant Alaaddi Can when he noticed the man choking or kicking his wife. The passerby quickly contacted police in the New Zealand town of Haweri who then rushed to the cafe. They arrested the Turkish immigrant despite his claims that wife and he were simply doing the traditional dance of kolobasti which entails mock wrestling, hitting, chocking and kicking of the woman by the man. His wife insisted Alladdi WAS dancing and not assaulting her, but this simply brought a sneer from the judge who termed the man a wife beater and rejected any defense as simply “a lie.” This incident got me thinking about other mock assaults:

1. Any Fox News report about anything is undoubtedly a mock report that has nothing to do with reality and is simply, “a lie.”

2. Republican senator “holds” on spending are simply mock assaults on our intelligence since they emanate from men and women who voted for every bill proposed by former president George Bush. Face it, any claim to be concerned about spending from a Republican is simply, “a Lie.”

3. President Obama defense of bills that violate civil liberties is simply a mock display of the Constitutional law he used to teach.