Category Archives: World News

This daily review will present headlines and a short paragraph concerning issues presented in newspapers throughout the world.

Guns For All Americans

If one listens to the rhetoric of Republicans, particularly, Republicans who serve in Congress, just about all Americans love guns and, regard protection of guns as the Number One issue confronting this nation. So, in the spirit of guns, how about a  few suggestions to further the importance of guns in our lives:

1. Effective on January 1, 2017, each child born in the United States of America will be given a free gun to play with in their crib.

2. In the spirit of the right of every American to be protected in their right  to a gun, from now on, police will not be allowed to have guns in order to ensure that each citizen cannot be  murdered by the oppressive government of this land.

3. Each and every child in America will now take a course in firing their weapon. Failure to attain a 70% target success will deny the student of their high school diploma.

4. If every passenger on a plane is armed, just let a terrorist attempt to take over the plane!

5. How about each and every member of Congress must bring their weapon to each session. Perhaps, instead of verbal debates, they could have shooting debates!

6. At least one presidential debate should include a shoot-out between Hillary and Donald.

A Meeting Of The Trumps

It is now clear that members of the Trump family played an important role in having the campaign manager fired. They just did not like Corey. We decided to peek in on a session of the Trumps in action.

Donald Junior: Dad, you are terrific, Dad, you are the best, the Greatest Dad in the United States, NO, in the entire world. But,Dad, even the greatest dad might use a few tips on how to succeed.

Donald senior: Junior, and when I say, Junior I mean it as a compliment. I know that I am the Greatest, the country knows that I  am the Greatest, so,we did not have the greatest week, but you have to depend on me.

Ivanka: Dad, I love you,my husband loves you, and, frankly,most Americans love you, but there is need for a few slight, small changes. As my husband put it, fire that damn schmuck,Corey.

Donald Senior: But,with Corey we swept the primaries. I will admit, yes, I CAN make  a few mistakes, but we ARE going to win because Americans love me.

Ivanka: Dad,could you please not wave your tiny hands around when speaking? You just insulted a judge and called him a “Mexican” even though he was born in Indiana. Dad,Indiana is not part of Mexico!

Donald Senior: I got the Greatest,the Biggest Hands of anyone running for president. Look, I was going to build the Greatest Wall ever built and that Mexican who hates me wanted to do me harm. I do not take crap  from anyone, particularly one of those illegals who somehow became a judge!

Junior: Dad, for God’s sake, this is your family, stop with the waving of arms and speak a sentence without the word, Great. Calm down. Begin to act what they call, presidential. Fire the jerk who doesn’t know how to run a presidential campaign and calm down. Enough with the Hispanics. Ivanka and I have decided that it is either us or the schmuck, Corey.

Senior: OK, just for once I will try it your way. But, let’s get one thing clear, I WILL continue to wave my hands, and they are BIG.

Head For The Olympics?

I find amusing observing workers in Brazil working furious to complete stadiums, or train tracks, or housing for the athletes. Of course, I do not find amusing asking swimmers to perform in filthy water or female athletes to put on a show of their prowess while the Zika character hangs around ready to bite and make the life of a pregnant woman horrible.

Russian track athletes are now barred from the Olympics due to drug allegations that have now been proved to be true. There is a severe shortage of hotel rooms, and gangs of thugs roam the streets. Sorry,guys,this is not the time for an Olympics in Brazil. Now,we do offer a few suggestions as to a more hospitable location:

Disney world in Orlando,Florida.

Disneyland in California.

Chicago with its weekly murder of 12 people, plus the wounding of fifty.

Cleveland–now that they have a basketball champion and the Republican convention, why not the Olympics with LeBron James being the sponsor?

Why would any young woman go to Rio is the question of the day!!

 

Trump Family Takes Over

Well, it is now clear that Donald Trump has finally decided to seek the advice of key political analysts and retool his campaign. He got rid of his campaign manager, the notorious Corey Lewandowski who had gained fame pushing around female correspondents. So, who did Donald take advice from in seeking new blood in his campaign? Naturally, another Trump! His daughter Ivanka and her husband are now the key political experts.

Since we believe that Donald needs some assistance, what else can we do, but offer our own advice.

Chris Christie has an approval rating in New Jersey of about 27%. Why not consult him?

The Bush family is sulking, since you want to consult family members, why not ask the elder Bush for some help?

I believe the NRA is the best source of new ideas to get your campaign on the road to success.

LeBron James just made Cleveland a happy place, perhaps, he can save you.

You know, Donald, you constantly do ISIS many favors, perhaps, they can do one for  you with some advice.

Rudy Giuliani once saved America after 9/11, he can easily match you with bullshit, only he has new bullshit.

Then again there are always the Kardashians.

Interesting Headlines From World Press

In our daily reading of newspapers from throughout the world it is common to encounter some interesting headlines. We offer a sample of what we encountered yesterday:

“School Hunting For Unicorns”

Have they checked with Republican Party headquarters?

“Ivory Queen In Jail Over 700 Tusks”

Tisk, tisk, I guess an elephant stamped its feet on someone.

“Free AR-15 With Purchase of Car”

Now,the driver can blast away with car and gun!

“Patients Try Older Drugs First”

Sounds like another attack on Obamacare.

“Ban Foreign Bananas”

See, Donald told you, elect him and there will be jobs gathering bananas!

Oh For One More Supreme Court Judge!

Yes, the United States of America is a divided nation and no where else does this division play out but in the US Supreme Court. The state of Connecticut, for some reason, was able to pass  a law that restricted  the purchase of automatic assault rifles and large capacity magazines. Let me get this straight:

Connecticut is among the original colonies that revolted against England.

As everyone knows the American colonists were armed with AR-15 automatic rapid firing assault rifles.

That is why the 2nd Amendment clearly says anyone can have an assault rifle, even babies in the crib.

So, how the hell did this Socialist state get away from preventing its residents from protecting their wives and daughters against rape from Islamic terrorists?

Anyway, the Court refused to say yes, or no. So, the law stands for now. Of course, if the NRA is successful in getting Trump elected,there goes the end of that law!

John Oliver On Brexit

There are times when John Oliver sort of rants a bit too much,and there are times when his rants are right on target and quite humorous. He decided total on his native England which is in the midst of an election this week to determine if the UK will remain in the EU.

“Here is how I feel about the EU, it is a complicated, bureaucratic, ambitious,  overbearing, inspirational and constantly ambitious  institution, and Britain would be absolutely crazy to leave it., because, it it stays, it can reap the benefits   while still doing dick about everything.  And that is the British way.”

Who else can reduce a complex issue to a long sentence and get everything right11

Donald Confronts ISIS!

It was just a matter of time before Donald Trump decided to confront ISIS on their home territory. Naturally, Donald came prepared with a gun in his holster and one placed on his knee. So, here is what happened at the famous meeting between Donald two gun Trump and ISIS.

Abu: So glad to have you join this conclave. I trust you know that your words of hate and wisdom send thousands to our flag.

Donald: Wait a second. Wait a damned second. I am ready to  take you guys on one person at a time or the whole pack of you. So, has anyone got a deck of cards. How about a game of 21, or if that is not what you like, how about poker. Double or nothing after each hand.

Abu: Wait a second. You keep on telling Americans how you will wipe us all out in some sort of shoot-out. Did you really mean, cards at twenty paces?

Donald: Look you  guys, all kidding aside, without you  characters blasting away, how the hell can I win this damn election? I need you guys, I really need you terrorists. For God’s sake, I mean the Jesus God, who the fuck would listen oa  word I say without my ISIS buddies?

Abu: Come to think about it Donald, that makes sense. You hate Obama, we hate Obama,you hate Crooked Hillary, we hate the bitch. You want to carpet bomb  us, we want you to carpet bomb us, each carpet bombed gets us a few thousand more recruits.

Donald: OK guys, here if the deal. When I deal, it’s a great Deal. You sort of blow yourselves up during the last weeks of October, maybe get rid of a school with kids, God, that would be a fantastic deal –dead kids and parents upset and me wondering if Obama knew about the bombing. I’ll tell you what, for each bombing a weekend at any Trump hotel with $1,000 thrown in for the girls and some betting. Just make certain the girls are illegal Mexicans so I can blast away at ISIS and crazy Mexicans in the same speech.

Abu: You’re on. Donald,so glad to meet an American who shares our values–anything for a buck!

Donald Trump Fastest Gun In Florida

Among the most common ideas propagated by Republicans is that if every person was armed, then all bad people would be dead. Donald Trump explained how to end terrorism such as the Orlando murders.  “People are dead.   A lot of people are dead. So, if everybody wants to be politically correct.  If people had guns and this son-of-a-bitch comes out shooting. POW. A bullet in his head. That would have been a beautiful sight.”

General S.L.A. Marshall, once conducted a study as to how many US soldiers actually fired their weapon in combat. He was studying WWII in Europe. His research indicated that thirty percent of soldiers did NOT fire their weapon due to fear of revealing their position. Perhaps, his figures are not accurate, but ask any soldier who has been in combat and they will admit some soldiers did not fire their weapon. They would also admit that firing a weapon when someone is firing at you leads to jerk of hand and fear.

Then again, Donald Trump DID have an opportunity during the Vietnam War to display his bravery in combat. Of course, being Donald Trump he made certain  that the got a deferment from serving in the US Army. Heck, there were guys shooting at you! Who the hell wants to take on a bunch of guys shooting at you? Much better dining and dancing at  great club.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Finally, Chris Christie has found his moment of glory– valet to Donald.

Many Republicans await Donald to calm down. Ha, Ha.

I do expect a Republican response to Orlando– every child at birth is given an AR-15 to play with in the  crib.

When Christians murder people in America, no one says: “Radical Christian extremists.”

During the 20th century, Christian nations such as Germany and Italy murdered over forty million people. Is there something connecting Christianity and murder?

I have never seen a Trump speech without him waving around his arms.

I am amazed that people want to gaze at alligators.

LeBron James is really angry these nights.

Has anyone checked out whether the alligator which killed the  child is of the Muslim religion?

I would so love seeing a debate between Trump and Elizabeth Warren!

Trump’s dream world –Hispanics are Muslims!