Category Archives: World News

This daily review will present headlines and a short paragraph concerning issues presented in newspapers throughout the world.

Marco Gives Thanks

I want to make clear that unlike someone who did not fare well tonight, I was not born to a millionaire but have made my money strictly bey catering to millionaires and not one is a relative. I give thanks to God up above who took time out from wandering around billions of planets to come to Iowa and ensure that I won the election by coming in third. Not many politicians can win by finishing third, but remember that my folks were poor immigrants.

Yes, my dad had to work hard all his life after he came here as an immigrant. Now you know why I oppose any immigrants from coming to America. We need to protect the immigrants here from the immigrants seeking to come here. God,I worked hard, I got a student loan and worked damn hard to get money to pay it off from some nice decent Christian businessmen who only wanted my support to aid them become richer businessmen.

I am a fighter. I will fight the terrorism of Hillary Clinton who  personally murdered four decent Americans at Benghazi. My sources tell me the real secret of Hillary Clinton is that she was at BENGHAZI during the actual attack, and the  attack was led by her ISIS lover, some Muslim named Mohammed. Go to my web         site if you want further information.

So, we won in Iowa by coming in third and now on to New Hampshire where I intend to come in fourth and gain another victory!

Ted Cruz Gives Thanks

First, I want each and every person in this hall to get on your knees and give thanks to our Lord up above for giving us this great victory. Oh, and as you pray there will be some of my representatives picking up any loose change that fell from your pockets.  Now, I have some important news. Prior to coming to this group I received a call from our Lord and Creator. He wants to make clear that his son, Jesus, made sort of a mistake by making comment concerning the difficulty of wealthy folks getting into Heaven. We have first rate super deluxe apartments set aside for those with the bucks to pay for them.

Second, I want to make clear that as we head for New Hampshire, there is only one Republican who  our Lord has anointed with his blessing, and you are currently listening to him. God is on our side as we set off for war against the infidels led by Donald Trump and his secret mistress–Hillary Clinton! If you love God, remember to part with your money and give it to God’s messenger. NO! Not that Jesus guy–ME!

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

We  offer observations on  the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT

Donald Trump will win the Iowa caucus and who the fuck cares?

If I could just hear a word Ben Carson says, then maybe I could figure out why I would not vote for him.

Marco Rubio is unable to utter a sentence in the English language without referring to why we can  not allow Hillary Clinton to become president.

Great day in Chicago yesterday, only three people murdered!

I still do not know, nor does anyone know, One single plan that Trump would seek to pass for legislation.

Gee, I miss the nonsense that Carly Fiorina utters.

A good Christmas  present for Ted Cruz this year would be one friend in the US Senate who would co-sponsor a bill that he proposes.

Iowa Today And Tomorrow

At this very moment,a  bunch of evangelical white men and women are voting in Iowa to determine which man or woman should be the next president of the United States of America. Yes, they are white folk, yes, they love corn, and yes, they are angry because someone or some thing has TAKEN AMERICA FROM THEM! Of course, if asked, they will respond the following things have been stolen by alien creatures:

1. The FAMILY they were raised with that includes a mom, a pop, and grand folks, and some kids.

2.  Our FIGHTING FORCES are gone due to  Barack Obama. We only have 12 aircraft carrier forces to match the ONE aircraft carrier possessed by China.

3. Marco Rubio wants to know what has happened to our AIR FORCE. We only  have the best air force in the world, but there is one problem–it has NO air force to fight! Damn ISIS, it refuses to get an air force so our air force can beat the hell out of them!

4. Our VALUES are gone! Yes, we no longer have a  society in which white Anglo-Saxons run the show. Now we have Jews, Catholics, blacks, Hispanics, gays, and women demanding a few rights. GOD did NOT want those folks to run Iowa, HE reserved Iowa for the white Anglo-Saxons, just offer up a prayer and see if I am right.

5. GOD up above does not respond to our prayers because HE is angry at the fact we have some black dude as President. GOD wants us to return to the good old days when white preachers led us in prayer and there were no synagogues or mosques to compete with the message sent by white Protestants to God up above.

So, all you white Iowa folks go ahead and vote today. As a group you sure represent the America that once was and no longer is. God for the good old days when mom spent her day cooking and cleaning and dad earned the money!

Norse Warriors Seek A Fight

I was taught in school that in ancient times Norse warriors roamed the seas in search of plunder and women. These days the city of Stockholm, Sweden is the home of bands of young men who roam the streets handing out leaflets warning any Muslim children to get out of the way because if they find “north African street children roaming the streets they will get the hell beat out of them. These descendants of warriors who actually engaged in battle with men, are not quite ready to  take on adults since they  can definitely handle the kids.

We are  prepared to provide these heroic young men an opportunity to come to Chicago, and encounter some black kids. I doubt if our heroes of the north would   last a single day when encountering kids with guns.

Family Day In Italy

There is no question that Italy remains a decent God fearing nation which intends to adhere to the Catholic Church.  The Italian Bishop Conference has sponsored a Family  Day protest to ensure Catholics do not regard “marriage and civil unions on the  same level as the family.” And, of course, we know what “The Family” is– a man and a woman having sex.

I understand the Catholic Church is convinced that a man and a woman is  “the Family that God wants.” OK, this is clear. My question is: “If God believes that it takes a man and a woman to create a family, then why the  heck doesn’t he get a wife and form the family he wants!!

Republicans On Ben Carson

We decided to ask Republican candidates for the presidency what they thought about Ben Carson.

Rand Paul: I would have something say about him, but as of this moment, I have never heard a single word he has said.

Ted Cruz: They argue about my being born in Canada, and say this idiot is qualified to run for president!

Marco Rubio: I am deeply concerned about Ben Carson, he has actually made speeches without attacking Hillary Clinton.

John Kasich: I definitely would recommend him to anyone seeking a good surgeon.

Jeb Bush: I have nothing but good words to say about our African American citizens.

Donald Trump:  Once elected President, I intend to have Ben Carson supervise the White House staff help.

Donald Still The Man

All America knows by know that Donald Trump will not adhere to any normal process in his quest for the presidency. He has coined a new approach to politics that has never previously been attempted. However, there is a certain implication that few Republicans realize is the logical outcome of this man whose ego is the most important aspect of his life. Yes, Donald Trump promised that he would support any Republican who gains the nomination. But, that promise was given prior to his current status. This is the nightmare for the Republican party:

Donald Trump WILL run for president. Donald Trump will run as an independent if he fails to gain the Republican  nomination. He believes devoutly that he alone knows how to be a successful candidate. This man’s ego simply will not allow him to walk quietly into the darkness. He IS going to run for president, as a Republican or an a Trump independent. So, Marco, win the nomination, just remember that one day you will see your nemesis on a platform along with Hillary Clinton.

Ted Cruz Cruises Into Battle

There is no doubt if Republicans want a candidate who is ready for war, then simply gaze in the direction of Ted Cruz. He is the 2016 version of Dick Cheney Rumsfeld, raring for a good fight and ready to send Americans into battle while he remains behind at headquarters to direct battles. He wants to carpet bomb ISIS into hell. Of course, ISIS in Syria is embedded cities where there are civilians, but Ted is a Christian who cares about saving the lives of unborn children, as far as born people, then blast them into hell.

“I am the only person on this stage who truly believes in Jesus Christ. I am the only one who adheres to his teaching –kill the bastards and send those illegal immigrants back to Mexico. If elected, on my first day, Hillary Clinton will be headed to jail, on my second day, Bill Clinton will join her there. I am from Texas. God bless Texas, God bless guns. God bless me.”

Rand Paul Not So Bored

Ordinarily in these debates Rand Paul is over at the end and appears to be gazing at the ceiling in despair as to how in hell he got stuck on this stage with these weird guys.

“Ted, Marco, I was there when both of you on the Senate floor were supporting a bill to allow illegal immigrants to become citizens. Of course, these days such ideas do not play well in this nation, particularly in Iowa. And Ted, you voted to reduce military expenditures and now you are going to dramatically increase the size of the US military. I wonder why. You also wanted to allow the government to check our phones. Not exactly an example of the 4th Amendment. Then again, Marco I have lost track as to the number of times you change your mind when  there is realization voting for bill X might lead to loss of votes.

Anyway, it has been a nice quiet evening without the guy at center stage bullying one and all.”