Jesus Says “Oh Jesus”

After listening intently to Michele Bachmann boast of her contacts with the Old  Guy up in the sky, we decided to contact the Young Guy up in the sky so we called the Jesus hotline and spoke with our fellow Jew boy. We were initially informed by his secretary that Jesus had a splitting headache because he mistakenly tuned in to hear Republicans at something termed a “Christian rally” blast Mitt Romney who belongs to the Mormon cult. Mitt, I did ask Jesus about Mormons and their version of Christianity which led him to crack up in laughter.

“Fred,” he said, “it’s bad enough having people call themselves ‘Christian’ who support ideas that have more to do with the Devil than with my  life and work. But, when they yell at a man whose ‘religion’ is based on fairy tales, even I can’t stomach their words of hate.” Sorry, Mitt, but the Mormon story is not well received in Heaven anymore than among born again Christians.

Jesus is bewildered. How do people who support his life’s work conclude he loved the rich more than the poor? How do they cheer at those without work? How do they accept children going to bed with empty stomachs? In all honesty, Jesus simply wanted to change the Jewish religion and had no idea of creating a new religion.

He informed me that God is sending him off to some distant planet where there is now sign of intelligent life forms. As for planet Earth, he will return when there is sign of some intelligent life forms.