Bands, Cheerleaders, Fans And Athletic Events

I am a fanatical fan of baseball, football, basketball, and sometimes, of things like the Olympics. I saw my first major league baseball and football games in 1941 and have followed sports for over 75 years. But, I draw the line on going to games where I have to endure cheerleaders, bands, and fans who make noise. An athletic event for me is akin to a religious experience. We do not have cheerleaders in our synagogue and neither do we have bands playing — other than the rabbi blowing the ram’s horn. I go to a game alone because talking with another during an event interferes with my ability to watch, analyze and feel the torture of one’s soul that only a true fan feels when his team fucks up. I agonize each moment of the games, muttering curses at the coach for not consulting me on what to call or infuriated at players who get paid millions and can not even hold onto a ball thrown in their direction. In the midst of my efforts to focus, come the damn cheerleaders jumping and yelling as though they had the first bit of information regarding what transpires on the field. They should be banned from all sport events unless gazing at white panties is your thing.

If dictator, the first edict will be to forbid bands, cheerleaders and fans from any athletic event. Just leg me be alone in the stadium watching the game in silence. We should adhere to the principle of silence when in a house of prayer.