Benjamin Netanyahu: “i’ll say anything to get this black dude off my back. Sure, I’ll talk with the Syrians or Palestinians, talk is cheap, action is expensive.”

George Bush: “Cheney? Yeah, I once knew a man by that name. Is he still alive?”

Dolly Parton: “At age 63, I’m sexier and have more life than Britney or Paris or any of those two bit broads.”

Bill Bennett: “The only thing heavier than my attempts at being profound is the weight of my body.”

TV Weatherman: “I pray every night for a rainstorm that hits just as I go on. At least, I’ll be partly right on the weather.”

Congresswoman Bachman: ” I may be a bimbo, but I only prostitute my soul, not my body.”

GEICO President: “Animated animals cost a lot less than humans.”

Irish Priest: “Maybe, we ought to let our people get married and have some safe sex.”

Michael Vick: “I never want to see a dog again in my life, just a football.”

Osama bin Laden: “My life will be complete if I could just get an invitation to a barbecue at his ranch in Texas.”

Barack Obama: “Give me a little more time and even the NRA will love me.”