LIFE IN TEA PARTY AMERICA

I dreamed last night the Tea Party now ran the United States:

1. All pay the same property tax regardless of the wealth of the house. After all, the wealthy are entitled to equal rights.

2. Prior to voting one must produce a birth certificate that you were born in America.

3. Citizen groups are responsible for handling fires and we disband all fire departments.

4. Citizens handle crime and violence so we can get rid of the police department.

5. All streets are privatized and handed over to private enterprise. That includes walking on the street.

6. All those desiring to teach must produce a birth certificate proving they were born in America.

7. Prior to conducting an operation doctors will produce a birth certificate since foreigners can not operate on AMERICAN bodies.

8. Prior to any session of Congress all will get on their knees, pray to God and kiss the American flag.

9. Henceforth they will be referred to as “American Fries.”

10. Only fruit native to America can be sold. Let’s keep our bodies, AMERICAN!

11. If you want clean streets, clean em.

12. If you lack housing or food, there is always Yosemite National park where you can hunt and sleep.

13. Children will only learn American history and be taught by those certified to teach it.

14. All marriage ceremonies must include, “Under God.”

15. The only gay people allowed in this nation are comics.

16. Abort your child and we kill you.

17. The Government only has responsibilities for children while they are in the womb, after that, they are on their own.