NASA is prepared to reveal information about a discovery on the Martian landscape that will be important. We are pleased to be the first human source that can explain the meaning of the finding. It appears that NASA instruments picked up a document lying in the Martian soil whose content is breath taking. It is written in English and reportedly is a statement written by the Martian Republican party. Yes, there once was a Republican party on Mars, and, yes, it was led by one MITT ROMMNEY, the Martian one, that is.
The document informs Martians there is no problem with climate change, the document informs Martians that free enterprise built the Martian economy, the document informs Martians their planet began about 10,000 years before, and the document informs Martians there is no need for the Martian government to worry about health care. So, since most Martians did not have health insurance, some got sick and spread a virus which killed them all off.
Oh, MITTT was found dead in his car which was parked at the top of his home. He was clutching a Martian flag in his hands. And, he had a piece of paper in one hand about some person called Smith.