NOBODY ASKED ME BUT,

Each week, we offer observations on the human condition by a 78 year old man with the mind and spirit of a 12 year old.

Nobody Asked Me But,

Mailmen should not be compelled to pick up letters. Their job is delivering, not getting mail.

If you can not see the head of the person driving the car in front of you, switch lanes. It is an old geezer like myself, and we are dangerous.

There is an arrogance to the Dallas Cowboys which makes me dislike them intensely.

Milk cost less in Walgreen than in supermarkets. Why?

My first decree as dictator will be passing a law requiring manufacturers of electric razors to build them so they can readily be broken down and put back together.

Every time I see a Fed Ex person, I begin wondering how we got along for all these years without them. I guess we waited an extra day.

I do not believe it is illegal for me to bring my own butter into a bagel shop. I don’t want to pay a dollar for a schmear of butter.

I am always impressed with someone who writes on a napkin. I assume the person is very bright.

A man was holding up a sign at the curb which advertised how easy it was to get a loan. I doubt if anyone would stop to take advantage of that offer.

I rented a Steven Segal picture on weekend since I was bored. The man has grown over weight and somehow he just doesn’t seem like the tough Seven Segal of olden times. I also have no idea what his picture is about other than beating up people.

I always park so I can readily exit by going forward. I have no trust in humanity.

I have not seen many convertibles around. Do people still buy them?

I find it outrageous to name a hurricane, “Ike.” He was a wonderful war hero and a decent president. How about, “George?”

As a father with a baby I always carried the child in my left arm near the heart. I don’t understand how anyone can carry them in the right arm.

A woman with brown hair should not wear dark clothes.

I never purchase newspapers from a machine. It is part of my phobia against machines.

Next to an ice cream store was a store with the name of “Scoop.” Did someone get messed up in naming stores?

Whenever I see a young boy and girl walking, if one smiles within seconds the other one does.

My first debate of the day is whether to carry my cell phone.

I always check to see if there is toilet paper hanging down before sitting. Do you?

W.C. Fields, the most sarcastic movie actor who ever lived, always said: “A sucker is born every minute.” The nomination of Sarah Palin proves him correct. Only, his comment should be, “Ten million suckers are born every minute.”

If a motion picture title has “Disney,” “child star” or “animal” in it, I head in the other direction.

There is a major league pitcher whose name is “Putz.” Obviously, he is not Jewish.

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