NOBODY ASKED ME BUT,

Each week we present the biased and unproven observations on the human condition by a 78 year old body whose mind is more akin to a 12 year old.

NOBODY ASKED ME BUT,

As I grow older people talk in softer tones so I can not hear. Just shout.

I tried putting coins in a Nescafe machine only to learn it only accepts dollar bills. This must violate the Constitution.

I was baffled to find a dozen people at the IRA office in mid afternoon in September.

After 52 years of teaching I am still baffled by a student who picks up the reading assignment and the following week says no one told him what to do with it.

Floods and hurricanes only prove we humans are guests on, not owners of this planet.

Sarah Palin says she learned about Russia by gazing out across the Bering Straits and seeing it. I pass the Bank of America every day. I just submitted my job request to become its vice president.

I had a terrible cold and chest congestion. In these moments, I recall the advice of Ma Stopsky who always said drink orange juice and eat chicken soup regardless of the ailment. Her suggestions always work and she never even went to school.

I don’t see many pencil sharpeners these days. Whatever happened to pencils?

I have no appetite for the salad that was left over from the luncheon. Does anyone ever eat that stuff?

I went into the AT&T office and told this eighteen year old girl my phone was not working. Then, I got “the look.” She quietly said to me: “Sir, see this red button, you have to press on it to get the phone working.” It is that damn “look” which sends me into a fury.

Why does the IRS refuse to have a human answer the phone? Social Security is very polite and one talks with a fellow human inhabitant of this planet.

Stocks are going down, the market is in chaos, people are losing their homes, and a major concern of this political campaign is “lipstick on a pig.” Now, I know how Romans felt as the
Barbarians were at the gates. They probably were concerned who was the best gladiator.

A man who was riding a motor bike and wore a red bandana entered the bagel shop. Talk about someone being out of place.

I wonder how many people over 65 actually cook breakfast anymore. Most are in McDonald’s getting the low price senior citizen items.

I read several conspiracy nuts on the Internet going on about Jewish plots to take over the world. If Jews were so damn smart how come they picked out the only place in the desert that doesn’t have oil?

Some women automatically smile at my 78 year old face. It is the smile of an older daughter, not that of a potential lover.

We can get to the moon but each morning every major city has highway gridlock. Is there something wrong with our priorities?

People should be required to check cell phones when they enter a restaurant like in olden times when men checked their revolvers as they entered the saloon.

I watched two men talking. Actually one man was talking and the other nodded his head. It was difficult ascertaining if he agreed, was bored, and had nothing to say.

I appreciate bagel shops which have cups with spare change. In my youth, I used the cup to beg for pennies on the streets.

Modern college professors only work two or three days a week. They insist they need the time to engage in great thinking. An example of this great thinking is…………….

Storms in the Gulf coast caused gas prices to rise. Which natural calamity would cause gas prices to decline?

The most dangerous moment in driving is reaching an intersection at the exact moment as two other cars. I always allow them to go first. I am 78 and really can wait a minute.

I experience malicious delight zooming down a highway when cars on the other side are gridlocked due to an accident.

I always get a moment of apprehension when cars in front of me suddenly slow down. I assume they know something I don’t and should slow down.

I invariably arrive ten minutes early to any meeting. I hate keeping people waiting.

I feel brilliant when I reach my car just as the car in front is pulling out so I can easily get out. It simply takes planning in knowing where to park.

The waiting room of a dentist is about the quietest place on planet Earth.