NOBODY ASKED ME BUT,

Each week, we offer observations on the human condition from the perspective of an 78 year old mind.

White Castle advertised “real eggs” for breakfast. I prefer unreal eggs for my breakfast.

Last year, stores were advertising high discounts on products. This year, stores are advertising low prices to purchase them.

In the space of three days, gas prices went from $1.89 to $1.45 to $162. It is a coincidence that all gas stations wind up with the same price.

People constantly ask me for some words of wisdom from someone who lived through the Depression. All I can say is enjoy life because when it is down, it must get up.

A great day, I allowed two cars to get in front of me and received two waves.

I heard a recorded message which gave me some information. When it concluded, I said, “thank you.”

Laclede Gas took me off the budget plan. I called to find out why and was told, “we took you off the budget plan.” Finally, they let me back on. Who can argue with the gas company?

I am always intimidated by rebates because one has to fill out forms. I hate forms, the first time I filled one in the end result was a tour in the armed forces.

I feel guilty when it snows if I park in front of someone’s apartment. I feel that place belongs to them.

Inadvertently, I placed two subscriptions to The Economist magazine. I called and asked them to combine the two but was told, “it is against policy.” The greatest boon to American society is making it illegal to use the expression, “it is against policy.”

I wonder which companies today will be doing business in 2030.

I have never eaten a hamburger which looked as good or tasted as well as hamburgers on television. I guess it is being on TV which gives the hamburger a special taste.

I enjoy paying book fines to libraries. I feel very virtuous.

I only eat vegetarian baked beans and resent all the beans with bacon. I am Jewish. Of course, I have a dispensation to eat bacon with eggs.

It was windy and cold so I held the door open for three couples. It is good deeds such as these which make me realize I am a good person.

The old expression is “politics stops at the water’s edge.” How about, “politics stops NOW!

At age 78 I prefer going down than up.

Does anyone still care if Barry Bonds used or did not use steroids?

One of my students lost her 2nd grade teaching job last week. She is so bright and filled with love of children. This darn recession is hurting the children.

I saw a sign that said: “Blind Person Crossing.” OK, so how does the blind person know the crossing is there?

I dislike people who mumble their names at a meeting.

I have nothing against dogs except the growling and the poop.

People in education are incapable of making a statement without adding, “it is based on research.” Of course, another piece of “research” proves the opposite.

I wonder how many people these days believe in the power of positive thinking.

I saw a sign that said: “Authorized Personnel Only.” How does one become an “authorized person?”

I missed the Denny free breakfast. I took one look at the line and headed for the bagel shop.