Have You Ever Seen the Owner of a Bagel Shop Who Was Thin?

The happiest man in Heaven these days is Warren Harding. He now knows historians will no longer rank him as the most inept president in American history. Harding thanks God every day for George Bush.

I have been informed of the existence of a new organization. Its name is Cowards Anonymous. The first chapter is composed of members of the Bush Administration.

A teenage girl walking by herself who sees a strange man approaching always looks down at the ground.

Nations with large oil reserves are giddy with delight at rising prices. Ten years from now they will regret what they have done because they are pushing other nations into alternate energy sources.

I feel God’s in heaven if a double parked car gets a ticket. It is such a rarity.

The other day I saw a group holding signs by the side of the road about Abortion. I have never seen people belonging to this group ever laugh or smile. Somehow, they believe when one does “God’s work” there is no laughter.

Years ago, when I lived in California, most Sunday mornings some Mormons would come around to spread the word. I have never been visited by Mormons living here in Long Island. How come? Don’t Mormons want to convert New Yorkers?

Ho Hum. The steroid man just hit another home run. I’m glad Hank Aaron is avoiding anything to do with Steroid Man.

I often notice the existence of two types of walkers. Type one has earphones, walks seriously, and with great determination, as they swing arms. Type two consists of two people chatting as they walk along. Oops, then there is me, I just walk and dream by myself.

What exactly is the benefit baseball players get by chewing bubble gum?

The air felt fresher and didn’t smell this week. Rudy G. didn’t say anything.

Attorney General Alberto Gonzales is the star of a new Hollywood flick entitled “The Man Who Wasn’t There or There or Anywhere But Someone Else Was.”