I Stood Alone Against Terrorism and Saved the Big Apple From Disaster!

If I inadvertently said, “I just saw an apple fall to the ground,” Rudy G. would jump up and shout, “It was I who stood alone against terrorism and saved the Big Apple from disaster!”

I like Senator Chuck Hagel, but what the heck is he still doing in the Republican Party?

Paris Hilton cries, goes to see a shrink and they reduce her sentence. Now, what if a poor kid whimpered? No question, he would get his sentence lengthened.

I often wonder why all those Muslim imams don’t get together and march into the Gaza Strip and demand a cease-fire.

The refusal of the President of South Africa to take strong action to help the people of Zimbabwe is the most un-Mandela action in Africa.

I’m just waiting patiently for the upcoming George Steinbrenner reaction to a payroll of $200,000,000 in which only one outfielder is hitting over 280. Man, is there going to be an explosion!

I read the other day about a governor in Nigeria who dropped dead during sex. They arrested the woman and called her crazy. Heck, George Bush gets people dead every day and he isn’t called crazy.

Is anyone still interested in the Sopranos? It’s become a cliché after its own self.

I have yet to watch an American Idol show. Where does that put me? As a kid, I used to watch the Major Bowes Amateur Hour. I guess I can say I watched the original American Idol show.

Doesn’t your heart flutter an instance when Tony and George do their “sincere act?” They vie to see who can come across as more righteous. I suspect the only righteous people in their act are the dead Americans and Iraqis.

These days I only listen to Channel 15 on XM radio, which broadcasts folk music 24 hours a day. The flip side is missing all those stories about Jennifer and Brad and the other idiots who pollute airwaves with their inane stories.

Could someone explain to me why no American general has died in the Iraq War? In the Civil War generals led the attack, and several died in World War II.

My first act as dictator of America is abolishing all tests in schools. I suspect that would immediately reduce the drop out rate. And secondly, make teachers and students spend more time engaged in learning.