Putin On Destroyed Plane

I had an opportunity to discuss the recent downing of a Russian plane in Egypt with the Great Leader of Russia.

M. Sir, the world would like to know who downed the Russian plane. Do you have any information?

P: My special agents have been researching this incident and we now can offer an explanation.

M. So, who did it?

P. The same evil forces that shot down the plane in the Ukraine.

M. Do you mean ISIS also operates in Ukraine?

P. Of course not, neither plane was downed by this pipsqueak group known as ISIS.

M. So, who did this horrible thing?

P. Who else but the CIA! First, they shot down the plane in Ukraine in order to embarrass Great Russia, then they shot down the plane in the Sinai. It is all part of an American plan. They want to destroy democracy in Russia in order to have American capitalists take over our Mother Russia.

M. Gee, that is a fascinating piece of information.

P. Not only is America out to destroy the Russian economy, it even now is behind the plot to portray our great athletes as using dope! We are the fastest runners in the world and we have the fastest growing economy. We WILL trim!


We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.


Aside from speeches, exactly what do Republican want to do about ISIS?

Gee, I so wish we had Rudy Giuliani to lead us in this new crisis. After all, he single-handedly wiped out al-Qaeda.

Barack Obama is among the most inept leaders in a crisis. He never speaks with the American people.

Barack is cool when he should be hot.

Funny, no statements from George Bush on how to handle terrorists.

We ignore poverty and wonder why there are problems.

How about sending in Chicago gangs to handle ISIS?

Donald Trump On ISIS

My name is Donald Trump. I hope every damn Muslim, every cowardly member of ISIS memorizes that name because when I get rid of you pieces of shit, the last damn image in your mind will be that of a red haired man who is personally shooting each and every one of you bastards. Now how will I accomplish this task:

1. I will televise my speeches night and day throughout the Middle East.

2. I will send recordings of my speeches to each and every leader of ISIS.

3. I will give one speech after another in the state of Iowa how I will wipe out ISIS.

4. I will go on Fox News 7/24 every week to denounce ISIS.

5. I intend to visit every state in America to speak about my plan to wipe out ISIS.

I can guarantee my ideas are COLOSSAL. I can guarantee the wall I will build around Iraq is FANTASTIC. And the hot air I will send to the Middle East is HOT.

So, watch out ISIS, your doom awaits!

Alas, No Bobby Jindal

I do not understand, I do not feel happy, I do not want to live another day. There is news that Bobby Jindal has ceased his magnificent run for the presidency of this great land. Imagine a world without the wisdom, the caring, the love, the intelligence of Bobby Jindal.I do understand there are those who do not know about the accomplishments, the leadership, and the courage of this man whose parent came from India. You are the ones who should feel sad for not knowing about Bobby Jindal.

For the record, these are among the accomplishments of Bobby Jindal.

1.He is a living and breathing human.

2.He was a Hindu before becoming a Catholic. Now, HOW many American politicians can make that statement!!

3. He did get elected as governor of Louisiana.

4. He did decide to run for president.Now, how many Americans can make that statement!

6. He—————————. Now how many Americans can make that statement!

Rudy Giuliani On Republicans, ISIS And Wetbacks

My name is Rudy Giuliani and I am the only Republican with a proven record of beating up terrorists. In case you forgot, I single-handedly wiped out the Muslim terrorists after 9/11 happened. I walked the streets of New York City,I strode into the stock market and after I rang the bell so people could at least make some money out of tragedy. I am the ONLY Republican who knows how to talk tough,never fight anyone unless they are people on relief and make a fortune out of pretending to be a hero.

So, here’s the deal,ISIS, I promise not to come to Syria and wipe you guys off the face of the Earth,and you guys promise to accept my invitation to become members of the New York City Police Department and walk the streets of New York in safety.Think about the offer, safety,security,and an opportunity to get into my security business and make gobs of money.

ISIS,join the Giuliani business empire and make some loot and–even get some good girls to make life enjoyable. My friends, I promise to help each and everyone a millionaire without doing any work!!

OH,I even promise you guys to meet some red hot Italian girls–talk about Heaven!

Jeb Bush On ISIS

Unlike people like Ted Cruz I was actually born and bred in the great state of Texas so when it comes to facing down bad guys,just let me at them. In fact, my brother George is just dying to finish off the job he started back in 2003.Let’s get this straight you bad people, I am tough, or at least, I want to be tough. I hate terrorists and promise if elected to send them packing from America. Or at least,give them a lecture about the joys of working with job creators who will help you bad people get on the gravy train to wealth.

For heaven sake, why go around dressed in black? Have you guys considered the possibility that if you guys study hard,pass the common core tests,then you can go to the college of your choice. I want ISIS to know that I am a chip off the block of brother George. When wars come around, we head off in the opposite direction. I promise America that if elected, I will work hard with ISIS members and get them started in a new direction. Heck, if George could beat the bottle, certainly you guys can go on the bottle,get drunk and end this terrorism!

Ted Cruz On ISIS

I am sick and tired of the black dude in the White House who hovers in terror inside the oval office and refuses to take a stand against–let’s call it like it is–ISLAMIC TERRORISM! Unlike the Great Wimp I am a man of action. I have had extensive training in dealing with terrorists. I spent four years at Harvard, and if you want to know how wimps act, if you want to know how leftist jihadists behave, just head on up to Cambridge, Massachusetts. One blast of my voice sends these Islamic lovers heading off into the distance in fear.

I am from Texas, OK, so I was not born in Texas, but I have bathed myself in Texas culture. I have my assault weapon, I have my grenades, I have my bazooka, I have my BAR, just point me in the direction of Syria and watch those Muslim terrorists cower in fear!

You twerps, TED is headed your way so either repent and become a Christian or prepare for Heaven and those virgins!


We offer observations on the human condition from a 25 year old mind trapped in an 85 year old body.


Americans in 2015 respond to refugees as Americans responded to Jews fleeing Nazism.

American politicians so enjoy pretending they are brave warriors.

Not a single person running for president among the top Republican candidates ever wore the uniform.

Gee, imagine General Trump leading men into battles?

I assume Ben Carson has someone on his staff who shows him where Syria is on the map.

Then again, Carly Fiorina is ready for combat–verbal, that is.

Republicans need Rick Perry, at least he was once a soldier.

Blame It On Syrian Refugees

Let me get this straight. Hundreds of thousands of people are fleeing from the murderous groups of Islamic terrorists and now the people who hate ISIS are responsible for ISIS? So far fifteen American governors have made clear they do not want the victims of ISIS to enter their state. Massachusetts Governor Charles Baier recently said: No, I’m not interested in accepting refugees from Syria. We propose a new twist on Syrian refugees.

1. Among the refugees are hundreds of thousands of men who want citizenship.

2. These men are physically able to engage in war.

3. Offer citizenship to any Syrian male who will become a soldier and fight ISIS.

4. If the Syrian male performs two years of combat duty he will become a citizen.

5. This means America can field at least 50,000 boots on the ground who are ready to fight ISIS.

America provides the training, America provides the weapons, America provides the leadership and Syrians provide the troops!

Win Win for All.

Let’s Shoot First!

I was raised in an era of the Old West when men were men and boys were boys. Among the unwritten rules of the good old West was that children and women were off limits to any gun fights. I was raised that the sheriff gave a look to the bad guys so they knew when he said check your guns, they removed their weapons and left them at the sheriff office. I was raised that sheriffs were deadly shots who could blast the gun out of the hands of bad men and then lead them calmly to the jail cell. Ah, that was then and now is now.

A new report indicates that over 1,000 people were killed by American police in 2015. Naturally, that figure includes men, women and children. We sure have come a long way from the Western sheriff who could disable a bad guy with one shot. Has anyone considered training modern day police to be dead shots who can at least hit the bad guy’s leg and then take him to the jail cell? Instead,the only thing modern police can do is shooting to kill. How about going back to the good old days of the West?