Tag Archives: Abe Lincoln

FLASH! Abe Lincoln-Teddy Roosevelt Resign From GOP!

At a hastily called press conference by the Angel Gabriel, two former Republican stalwarts announced to the shocked members of the media they were resigning from the Republican Party. Mr. Abraham Lincoln said he was shocked at the failure of current day Republicans to stand for moral principles and termed their current leaders as devoid in any ideas other than reducing taxes and giving special breaks to the wealthy. “What has become of the Republican Party which once led the nation in the fight to ensure all men were created equal. As I listen to Ron Paul or George Bush or this creature of the night, Rush Limbaugh, there only concern is what benefits the wealthy members of our society. I am amazed that a Republican can sanction torture and abuse of prisoners! We fought a war in which 500,000 died, not 3,000, but never once did any military leader come to me urging torture. Shocking!”

Former President Theodore Roosevelt expressed anger that his party has become the ally of the wealthy. “I broke up the trusts. I intervened to ensure coal miners got their rights. I made certain the malefactors of wealth understood the American government was not their servant. My goal was to have a strong federal government that regulated business to ensure there was an even playing field for all who sought to employ their talents in the quest to develop our economy.”

Mr. Roosevelt was quite upset at the lack of rallying around the president in a time of crisis. “Our nation’s economy is in serious crisis and not a single Republican member of Congress will work with their Democratic colleagues!! Where is the spirit of patriotism?” He announced his support for the Obama program of peace in the Middle East and acting carefully to avoid creating problems in Iran. “In the early 1900s, when the San Francisco School Board announced they were segregating Japanese children, I summoned that damn fool mayor and told him bluntly the United States wanted to have peaceful relations with Japan. After expressions of Japanese anger, I calmed things down. Yes, Mr. Obama is correct. Only employ a nation’s power as the last, not the first, resort.”

The Angel Gabriel will allow current Republican leaders in respond to these comments.