Tag Archives: aliens

Are Aliens Harmful To Humans?

Noted British scientist Stephen Hawking warned the world that seeking contact with alien life forms could be dangerous to our health. He compared arrival of aliens on Earth to Columbus wandering into the Western Hemisphere and spreading death and destruction. “If aliens visit us, the outcome would be much as when Columbus landed in America, which didn’t turn our well for Native Americans.” He believes advanced life form “would perhaps become nomads, looking to conquer and colonize whatever planets they can reach.” He did add, “the real challenge is to work out what aliens might actually be like.”

As a visitor from the planet of Xul, I take umbrage at the remarks of this noted human scientist. Together with my fellow Xulians we are simply here to observe the madness of human life forms and already have informed the Planetary Council that no human should be allowed to pass into outer space. Who would want these savage, war crazed life forms on their planet. Sorry, Mr. Hawking, it is YOU HUMANS who are the monsters, not we alien life forms.

HEADLINES FROM THE WORLD PRESS

Each day we offer a sample of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post: “Mayor Labelled A Prostitute”
Big deal, most of the US Congress sells their souls for money.

South Africa, Mail & Guardian: “Metro Police To Integrate With SAPS”
Is this a dumbing down of the police or is it meant to become smarter?

UK,Guardian: “Clown From Outer Space”
We sure could use one to bring peace to the world.

Germany, The Local: “Skinny Models Look Better”
On the other hand, some of us prefer softik women.

Canada, Toronto Star: “Church St. Losing Gay Image”
From now on only sad faces will be allowed on Church St.

Australia, Brisbane Times: “Man Sleeps Through Fire”
I wonder what his body temperature will be when he hits Hell.

UK, The Independent: “Each Year 275,000 Britons Disappear”
And, some claim there are no alien space ships hovering above!

South Africa, Argus: “Cops Must Not Behave Like Criminals”
Sometimes, there is more honesty when they do.

Kidnapped By Aliens-Read True Story!

After countless stories from politicians and their family members, it is refreshing to finally encounter a wife who is ready to bring to her husband and her nation important information about the universe. Miyuki Hatoyama, wife of Japan’s new prime minister, is a former actress, author of cook books, fashion designer, and more importantly the first first lady who has been abducted by aliens. She has visited Venus, spent some time with Tom Cruise in a prior incarnation when he was Japanese, and the world’s foremost authority on alien life. After all, how many earthlings have ever visited the green fields of Venus?

Given her access to aliens, it is only logical to make Miyuki, the first female president of the world. Hopefully, she can persuade Venusians to come here and bring their secrets of eternal life and harmonious non-violent existence to the earthlings who only understand war.

In the spirit of honesty, I must confess to having had an affair with Miyuki while both of us were walking through a red field of grass on Mars. God bless you, Miyuki, for the honesty you bring to the political world!!

HEADLINES FROM THE WORLD PRESS

Each day we offer a sample of headlines that appeared in the world press along with our comments.

Denmark, Copenhagen Post; “Hand Grenade Found In Kindergarten”
The NRA is filing a law suit to protect the 2nd Amendment rights of kindergarten children.

Canada, Toronto Star: “Wine May Not Prevent Heart Disease”
But, it sure makes dying a joy.

UK, Guardian: “Good Sanitation Deal Gone Bad”
Something smells about this story.

Egypt, Egypt Daily News: “Special Regimen For Ramadan”
Don’t eat at night.

Australia, Sydney Morning Herald: “Students Hypnotized For Sex With Teacher”
He was teaching a hands-on unit on biology.

South Africa, Argus: “I Hope Blade Is Paying Attention”
We don’t want any sharp comments made.

Sweden, The Local: “Drunk And Disorderly Soldiers Discharged”
Why? Isn’t that what soldiers do?

New Zealand, New Zealand Herald: “I Was Abducted By Aliens Says Wife Of Japan PM”
If I was Hillary Clinton I would use this one the next time Bill strays and you have to clobber him.

USA, ESPN: “Bronco Coach Says No Truth To Trade Of Brandon Marshall”
“Denver Broncos Want Jet Linebacker In Exchange for Brandon Marshall”