I have just returned from a special mission to Heaven where I implored our Heavenly Father to intervene on the side of we God loving Americans and deal with the recent oil spill. I was sent by the Louisiana State Legislature which believes God should halt His work in the universe and focus on important life issues –oil spills. As the Resolution put it:
In times of great distress and need, we, the people of this land, have always turned to private, public, and corporate prayer. A Statewide Day of Prayer provides each os us with a powerful opportunity to humble ourselves before our Almighty God. the citizens of Louisiana are urged to pray for a solution to this crisis, each according to his or her own faith, to pray for God’s continued guidance and protection, and to join in the observance of prayer, seeking God’s blessings upon both state and nation”
Alaska born nutcase, Sarah Palin, added in with a twitter: “Gulf disaster needs divine intervention as man’s efforts have been futile.”
I regret to inform Sarah and the people of Louisiana that after meeting with God, Himself, I was informed to get the hell out of Heaven and quit pestering busy intelligent life forms with the inane concerns of some jerks on a small planet located somewhere in this universe! Do you humans actually think God has the time of day to worry about your needs to ruin the planet with nonstop oil driven machines? If humans want to impress the Old Man in the sky, get off your butts, quit destroying your planet and focus on ways to transport yourselves and goods other than relying on oil.
My Prayer to God
Oh Lord, spend your time dealing with real issues and ignore these humans!