Tag Archives: Santa Claus

Republicans Oppose Bailout Of Santa Claus

The Republican Party which has opposed any regulation of business as well as refusing to back down on tax cuts for the wealthy has found religion. It has decided to take a firm stance against the socialist minded Santa Claus who goes around the world distributing presents to the poor. Republicans fear giving presents to poor children without having their parents spend money only encourages a “get-handouts-from-government mentality within lower classes. If poor children desire presents, there is nothing to prevent them from begging on street corners or scouring the streets for coins. Governor Sarah Palin made clear her opposition to bailing out Santa Claus by blunting noting: “here in Alaska, the government gives everyone money from oil revenues, if other states want to distribute money, let them find some oil.”

Santa Claus has been seeking a government bailout for this year due to unexpected decline in the amount of money being given him and his elf workforce. Senator John McCain defended his opposition to a government bailout to socialism by noting it was the first step toward socialism, and Joe the Plumber was opposed to it. “When I was being tortured in Vietnam, I never saw any Santa Claus,” commented the former POW. “Santa was too busy distributing drugs to the hippies to worry about those of us who were fighting to defend America against atheistic militarist communism.”

Republican leaders insist any money given Santa Claus must be accompanied by a reduction in the size of the elf workforce and an end to such things as free coffee and cocoa breaks. Recently re-elected Senator Chambliss pointed out, “Toyota workers in Japan do not get free cocoa. If Santa would only cut down on his overhead, he would not need a bailout.” President Bush is expected to argue against a Santa Claus bailout on grounds Santa does not create wealth because he undermines department stores by giving away free toys.

There are rumors Santa Claus is really a secret communist since he goes around dressed in red.

Santa Claus Flying In From Nebraska!

US military personnel who had leave time were planning to pay their way back home to Nebraska before concerned people in their native state decided to play Santa Claus. Spc. Heather Davey had put $587 on her credit card to get back home before learning she had a free ride due to the generosity of her fellow Nebraskans. She and 40 other members of the 110 Medical Battalion training in the state of Washington were the recipients of money raised within 24 hours by the Nebraska business community. Democrat senator Ben Nelson heard about the plight of his constituents and immediately contacted nebraska business leaders to take on the task of getting the military personnel back home.

Every once and a while, this writer wonders about the attitude of American leaders toward issues faced by those called to serve the nation. President Bush is always ready to condemn and deride opponents for ignoring the needs of the military, but he rarely does anything than speak and speak about his own patriotism. Has Bush ever once lifted his hand to do something about those in serve in order to make their lives easier? He opposed the proposed Democratic Congress raises for the military on grounds it constituted an excessive expenditure. Funny, he never hesitates giving Christmas gift tax cuts to the wealthy of America.