Tag Archives: spies

Russia Gets Recipes, US Gets Nothing!

The most famous spy exchange is currently in process of completion. Sources indicate Igor Sutyagan, a spy for the United States, has already arrived in Vienna and the Russian government soon expects the arrival of Anna Chapman who was arrested for spying in the United States. Of course, the State Department denies having any spies in Russia and the Russian government will not acknowledge the presence of spies in the US. From an objective analysis, it appears that Russia is getting the best of this exchange. They receive Ms. Chapman, who undoubtedly, will bring her whips and chains for use in disciplining naughty men while all the US gets is a dour faced middle aged man. Ms. Chapman will bring pictures of New York City that she took while posing as a tourist. We can expect the entire Russian spy agency to carefully study these photographs in order to identify the best places to purchase snow cones or high quality ice cream. And, what does the US receive in exchange? They get a sensual woman who is damned attractive and America, as usual, gets the short end of the stick.

We strongly urge the American government to insist that at least one of the spies returned to us is gorgeous. And, we should insist on the right to take tourist pictures in Moscow!

Spy Swap, Anyone??

The FBI deserves the thanks of all Americans for its brilliant work in thwarting the notorious gang of 11 Russian spies who had infiltrated out nation’s defense and stolen valuable recipes for apple pie and blueberry pancakes. Igor Sutyagin, a researcher who was caught spying for the CIA expects to be part of a package deal that will send X number of Western spies in Russian jails back to their homelands in exchange for Moscow receiving the infamous gang of eleven who were caught in the act by FBi agents as they purchased photos of New York City, including the Statue of Liberty and Wall street. The sting operation was organized by the FBI in order to halt purchases of such documents by spies. The American government wants to make certain that only bona fide tourists secure access to these valuable items.

There are unconfirmed reports Undersecretary of State William Burns is involved in secret meetings with Russian Ambassador Sergei Kislyak in order to discuss the proposed spy swap. A key point of dispute at this time is whether or not the Russian spies will be allowed to take with them samples of cooking hamburgers on a barbecue range as well as copies of the recipes they stole from unsuspecting neighbors. American authorities want equity such as the right of the US government to receive samples of vodka in sufficient quantity as to be available at White House receptions for this year.

FLASH! We just received a report the Russian ambassador will not return American spies caught in his country unless the American government guarantees him a meeting with LeBron James in order that he might make a pitch for Russian born New Jersey Net owner who wants James in New Jersey. At this very moment FBI agents are trying to ascertain the reason Russia wants LeBron James in New Jersey.