13 Things To Make Republicans Happy

Following are thirteen events that would make the day for any Republican who loves his party more than America.

Al Qaeda bombs kill ten thousand in Harlem.

Oprah revealed to be a transvestite.

Healthcare legislation fails to pass and 60 million now without health insurance.

Ten Abortion Clinics destroyed with loss of 110 people.

Jay Leno secretly weds David Letterman.

Michelle Obama gains forty pounds.

Hillary Clinton and Monica Lewinsky caught in hotel making love.

Surge not working in Iraq.

Obama children fail tests in school.

George Bush joins Democratic Party and admits he always was a Democrat.

George Clooney movie bombs at box office.

General McChrystal blasts President Obama for failure as leader.

Supreme Court rules in 5-4 decision unconstitutional to tax any money earned over the $700,000 level.