A North Korean Mystery Unwrapped

It is common knowledge that North Korea is a mystery wrapped in a riddle that no human mind can unwrap. This intrepid reporter has received inside information regarding unfolding events in North Korea which will shock the American people.
Step One: There is a man in North Korea whose name is Jang Song-Thaek who is allegedly the uncle of Kim Jong-un, our beloved leader and guardian of purity.
Step Two: Mr. Thaek has disappeared from sight.
Step Three: Senator Ted Cruz, allegedly engaged in a secret rescue mission which brought Mr. Thaek to the United States.
Step Four: Our beloved senator who defends the American way of life will shortly engage in a filibuster in the US Senate.
Step Five: This blog can now reveal what Senator Cruz will reveal to the American people. This Thaek man is none other than the LONG LOST FATHER OF BARACK OBAMA! Senator Cruz will finally produce concrete information that Barack Obama was NOT born in Africa. No! He was born in a village in North Korea and his father was this Thaek man and his own long lost brother was KIM JONG-UN!!!

If you desire further proof of this remarkable story, please contact either Don Rumsfeld or Dick Cheney.