Affirmative Action For Jews? And, Others?

I received a missive from a magazine known as, “First Things.” On the envelope was a statement about a reduced rate for Jewish readers. I thought that was mighty Christian of them to offer we Jews a lower rates and figured that people on the magazine knew how we Jews love a bargain. But, the real question in my mind is how come they knew I was Jewish. I checked the curtains and understood someone could look into our apartment and see this hook nosed guy wandering around and since one plus one equals a Jewish hooked nose man, that’s how come I got the special rate. Or maybe, they followed me around a single day and watched me get one bargain after another, I’m an Aldi man when it comes to buying anything. I got to wondering if this magazine gave special discounts to other people. It might begin a new trend. People with Irish names receiving special offers about whiskey, Hispanics getting a special discount at Taco Bell or maybe boxes of rice have on them: “special price for anyone of Asian background.”

Of course, we could take this approach to another level. How about special discounts on murdering your wife, neighbor or enemy if you have an Italian name. After all, it is just part of the family. Are there any discounts on getting to Hell for young women who have hung around with Witches? Just asking.