Dear Dr.Fred

I am a God fearing Christian who knows that Jesus Christ would never sanction marriage between two people of the same sex. Homosexuality is a crime against nature. Why are there so many immoral perverts in America?
Harry the Homophobe

Dear Harry:
You hit the nail right on the head in your reference to Jesus Christ. As far as I can recall, Jesus was not the result of a man mating with a woman. His birth can best be explained as an act of nature. But, at least he had God as his dad which is a lot more than those fags can say. If the world became gay, we would all become unhappy not having children around anymore. Please don’t despair, we have Sarah Palin on our side whose daughter at least mated while single with a nice young man and not some homo.
Please don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against homos, but they sure won’t help us create millions of new customers. Frankly, I think we ought to ship them all to Saudi Arabia or Uganda. But, please don’t get me wrong, some of my best friends are queers.