Following are books that never will be published.

A CATCHER IN THE POPPY FIELDS OF AFGHANISTAN: The coming to age of a young Texan who was president of the United States.

LOOK HOMEWARD ALASKA SALMON: The fishing exploits of Sarah Palin.

THE PLAGUE ON BOTH YOUR HEADS: The secret files of Barack Obama dealing with Israel and Palestinians.

MOBY DICKHEAD: The story of Dick Cheney’s fight to destroy the monster WMD.

MANCHILD IN THE PROMISED LAND: The memoir of Michael Jackson.

REMEMBRANCE OF TIMES PAST: When we were poor and milk and the movies cost a nickel.

ANIMAL FARM: A week inside the New York State Legislature listening to the animals in action.

THE BANKER WHO CAME IN FROM THE COLD: A hedge fund manipulator account of inside trading.

A TALE TOLD BY AN IDIOT FULL OF SOUND AND FURY, SIGNIFYING NOTHING: The collected speeches of George Bush.