Camping Has Yet To ASCEND

A few weeks ago, Harold Camping, a preacher of the truth, informed the world the world was no more since Jesus Christ had returned to take home with him a few million of those with good souls and the rest of us could burn in Hell. I did gaze on the day of Ascension but failed to see the five million humans who were ascending to Heaven because they were the good guys. Funny, I could have sworn that among those heading north there was someone who looked a lot like Saddam Hussein, but I was probably confused and angry at failure to include me in the trip to the cabin in the sky. Anyway, Camping had a stroke and is now recovering in a hospital–one on planet Earth, not one in Heaven.

Flash! Camping has clarified failure on May 21 for the good guys to head skywards. It turns out calculations were a bit off, the date was NOT May 21, but October 21. I guess he should not have used the Christian calendar but stuck to a Jewish one. I am uncertain whether this means, Christians are stuck on planet Earth and the rest of us who are Jews can head up–I think Jesus said go up or maybe–did he say, “down?” I get confused because I was in Rapture.