Following are comments that were thought but never expressed by these individuals.

RUSH LIMBAUGH When I was a little fat boy I got bullied. Now, I’m a fat man who is getting even by bullying one and all.

HEDGE FUND MANAGER I defend my right to never hedge on making a million for myself. As for my clients, I’ll hedge on that one!

OBAMA SUPPORTER I love that guy. It’s his policies that bother me.

CREDIT CARD COMPANY If we make a mistake, we only up your percent by 5%, but if you make a mistake, we up it 25%.

GEORGE BUSH Dick Cheney? Yeah, I once knew a guy with that name. Is he still alive?

WEATHERMAN I pray every night for a rainstorm just as I get on camera.

GENERAL MCCHRYSTAL Give me 40,000 more men in Afghanistan and I promise that I will only ask for 25,000 later this year.

JUSTICE SCALIA A literal reading of the Constitution is when I interpret it.

HILLARY CLINTON These days I sometimes wish for the good old days when Monica was in the headlines and life was simpler.

TOM HANKS OK, it’s nonsense, but for twenty million dollars I’d spend time in Hades with the Devil.

DAVID LETTERMAN If only someone else had done what I did, I’d have enough material for a month,

LOU DOBBS If we got rid of the illegal immigrants, I’d be glad to mow your lawn.