Following are comments that never will appear in the media because they were thought, not spoken.

Alberto Gonzales: No one told me the Attorney General was supposed to enforce the law. I thought he was supposed to carry out directives of the Republican National Committee.

Henry Paulson: The next time someone calls me from a Texas ranch, I leave for Brazil.

Colin Powell: To qualify for being a foreign policy expert in the Bush administration one h ad to show evidence of being a coward in time of war.

Pope Benedict: How can anyone expect me to be an expert on how babies are made or how to prevent them from being made?

Rahm Emanuel: Israelis have a talent for self destruction every time they have a chance for peace.

Nicolas Sarkozy: I should have been born in America, God, their politicians are stupid.

Silvio Berlusconi: I’m a billionaire, now you know why beautiful girls flock to me.

Prime Minister Putin: Who is president of Russia? Oh, you mean that nice young man who fetches me coffee at meetings? What’s his name again, Medvedev, that’s it.

President Mubarak: It says in the Koran the son shall follow the father as president of Egypt.