Following are comments that may have been thought, but will never be openly spoken:

TIGER WOODS: I like sex, what’s your problem?

SENATOR JOE LIEBERMAN: I’m a bitter, angry Orthodox Jew, so there!

BARACK OBAMA: Me, a liberal, I guess you believe in the tooth fairy.

GILBERT ARENAS: The crowd kept on shouting, “shoot, shoot,” I was scared, so I brought my guns to the locker room.

JOHN MCCAIN: If I was in charge the freaking homos would be in Greenwich Village, not in Afghanistan.

REPUBLICAN SENATOR: I believe in traditional American values — Fuck the people, get votes.

LARRY SUMMERS: I did support a government aid program. Ask anyone at Goldman Sachs.

JANET NAPOLITANO: Our system does work. We ensure suicide bombers get on the plane rather than blowing up airports.

TONY BLAIR: The job of a British prime minister is to suck up to American presidents even if they are damn fools.

GEORGE BUSH: Chopping wood is the extent of my intellectual endeavors these days.

JAMES CAMERON: Avatar is an innovative idea. Indians on another planet!